Mb's Musings of the Random

A conversation

2009-03-31T00:09:00.003-07:00

So we have some very cool custodians at the school where I work. One of them, Lisa*, is a native Spanish speaker, with whom I usually converse after school for a while. Another, Tony*, is bilingual (English & Spanish), and we usually talk in English.

Sometimes, I talk to Tony and I think I know what God might be like. (I'm on the fence about the whole God thing at this point, but that's immaterial.) Today at 5:30pm, I was getting ready to make some copies and go home. I was tired, having had a very mediocre Monday in the classroom, but I'm usually happy to talk to Tony. He's 65, usually in good spirits, friendly, polite, and helpful.

...and his daughter has cancer. She's in the hospital for weeks at a time (presently, she's in for a month). To help offset medical costs, Tony works two full-time jobs: one from midnight to about 8am, and the other as our evening custodian (3-11pm). Every day when I greet him, though, he's always cheerful and grateful for what he has. It seems sincere, too; at times he'll discuss the human condition and how people are so into their own little worlds that they forget about everything else. ("We've all been there," he'll say with a sad smile. "I know that.")

So what makes people like Tony so... able to deal with things? How come he can (seemingly) handle the cancer of his daughter, yet others whine about such minor things in their lives? How is it that Tony works two full-time jobs, and I have yet to hear him complain? How is he still grateful, optimistic, and pleasant when he gets 5 hours of sleep a night and spends his waking hours at work or in the hospital?

Here's a (paraphrased) typical part the conversation we had today:

Me: Hey, Tony! How are you?
Tony: Oh, I'm good, I'm good. How about you? You ever find a boyfriend? (Note: This is not said in a creepy way, but more of like a dad checking up on his little girl.)
Me: Yeah, actually.
Tony: Oh, wonderful! He treats you good, right?
Me: Of course!
Tony: Good, because you deserve it.
Me: Thank you! How's your wife doing?
Tony: My wife is good, it's my daughter that's not doing so well.
Me: Yeah, how is she?
Tony: She's going through another round of chemo, so she'll be in the hospital for the next month...

(and he goes into detail here)

Tony: But you know what? We do the best we can. Sometimes I don't know what to do, and I wish my father were here to talk to. I want to do that for my children. I want to always be there for them, no matter what. I treat them all the same, and I want them all to be able to talk to me. I want them to treat their kids the way I treat them.
Me: That's wonderful. I'm glad to hear it.
Tony: You know, our time here is a gift. And I do what I can with it. Sometimes, people don't give very much. You say, "Good morning," and they don't say anything. But it's not me. I do what I can. They're in their own little world, but sometimes we all are. That's OK, that's just where they are. I don't take it personal. I just know we all do what we can. You're never going to please everyone, you know? If you try to, you're wasting your time. So make the best of it. Don't let other people get you down.

...

etc.

These are the types of conversations we usually has. He's talked to me about how to stay (relatively happily) married for 40 years... how to deal with a sick child... how fleeting time is... And I'm happy to see him so happy.

Now, to bed so I can make tomorrow a good day. Cheers.

*Names changed to protect anonymity.

Girls' bathroom observations...

2009-02-15T14:27:00.003-07:00

So I was talking with a friend last night about the progression of a girls' bathroom at a bar on any given weekend night. I thought I'd share! :)

(Note: I am obviously overgeneralizing here, but these "stages" come from years of keen observation of the antics in a ladies' room in a bar.)

Stage 1: This is usually fairly early in the evening, we'll say about 8pm. Most women in the bathroom at this point are completely sober, having consumed 0-1 alcoholic beverages. When walking in the bathroom door, minimal acknowledgment is acceptable. Perhaps one makes a comment on the line, or remarks, "A man obviously designed this bathroom! I'd put more stalls in..." etc. The climate is calm.

Stage 2: We'll say this is around 9:30pm, after many women have had 1-3 drinks. There is more conversation, and women are generally friendly, especially to strangers. Compliments are exchanged about each others' outfits, hair, or general appearance. The climate is friendly and basically polite.

Stage 3: This probably occurs around 11pm, when many women have had 3-5 drinks. Many women are angry, jealous, or in need of emotional support. Angry women come in saying, "That girl is such a bitch! Did you see the way she was flirting with Steve when she *knows* I like him" Her friend, also intoxicated, will usually reply, "I know! She's such a #*@#... I hate her." The sad girl might comment to her friend, "Why can't I meet a guy at a bar? Aren't I pretty?" Her friend might say, "No, honey, you're beautiful! The guys here are lame anyway. We should go somewhere else!" This stage is generally for some sort of back-up from a supportive friend.

Stage 4: Around 12:30-1 in the morning, women have typically had 4-6 drinks and are flat-out loud, belligerent, or vomiting. There may be catfights in the bathroom, or a friend holding back another friend's hair as she pukes into the toilet. Many women stumble around, talking about 4 times louder than usual. There are often tears or half-awake women, many of whom are contemplating how to get home. This is by far the ugliest stage of the evening.

Personally, I like stages 1-2 the best... Everyone's still friendly and has a sense of social decency. Stages 3-4 sort of denote the crumbling of courtesy and decency.

Anyway, just thought I'd share... I've seen these patterns for years, and it only felt right to throw this out there. Cheers!

"Now walk it by yourself..."

2009-02-06T17:33:00.004-07:00

(Those lyrics come from "The Cupid Shuffle," the song I re-wrote for our "Order of Ops" video a few months back.)

Ok. Sooooo it's go time. The time is upon me to decide the next year or two of my life... Eek!

My phone rang last night a little after 8, and I didn't answer because it was a 310 area code, which I didn't recognize. I later checked the voicemail, and it was my regional Peace Corps recruiter... He said he'd received all my info and wanted to set up an interview! Ahhh!!

Long story short, I interview with the PC next Friday (the 13th!) at 3:30pm. (Luckily, we have an in-service that day, so I won't be exhausted from my little monsters!) :)

So the next week, I need to spend a LOT of time reflecting on Peace Corps-related topics... I need to thoroughly examine my culture, belief system, desire to work and live abroad, etc. Craziness! At the same time, I believe we have to decide within a month if we're going to teach at my school again next year... So I have about a month to decide everything. Insanity!

This week in school (with the exception of a horrendous Tuesday) was fine. The past three days were even -dare I say it- enjoyable! I've been trying to roll with the punches a little more, and I think that's helping. If I could just figure out a way to get to that damned 2nd period class... We'll see!

In other news, hashing has been excellent! I've made a lot of new friends, I get to run a lot (I've already logged 11 miles this week, and I'll do 3-7 more this weekend), and I have a whole new hobby! :)

For now, I must return to the gazillion things I have to do so I can get this weekend started! (We had a dance after school today, and I HAD to stop by and dance with my guys for a bit, so I'm still at school.)

Cheers to y'all! Keep me posted on how YOU'RE doing, too!

"Baby, you're a lost cause..."

2009-01-25T22:18:00.002-07:00

(That quote is from a Beck song, for those of you who didn't know.)

So life is good, I can't deny... I have a job, good health, awesome friends, a kick-ass family... but I can't help feel that something is still missing. Well, I know what's missing: love! Of course.

I learned a valuable lesson this month, too: it's a bad idea to date active military guys; they leave!! They leave to South Korea, and you wonder if you'll ever see them again. Yuck. And then you kick yourself for getting involved in the first place, knowing there was already a pre-determined expiration date on the whole thing.

Anyway, other than my somewhat sucky love life, things are good. Teaching has its ups and downs, but it's pretty manageable for the time being. I'll be able to finish up the year, no prob. Hashing (my new hobby!) is fun and has afforded me many new local contacts! I've been spending more time with friends lately, and it's nice to be out of my (excessively messy) house (due mostly to messy roommates). I finished my first-ever half marathon last weekend (!!!), and it was a REALLY cool experience! I'd love to do it again!

Next year: no clue what I'll be doing... I've got an application into the Peace Corps, so we'll see what happens with that. My mom is ridiculously nervous about that whole thing, but you know what? It's a pretty incredible opportunity. I personally don't know anyone who's served, and I think it'd be amazing. I could combine my desires to help others and to travel internationally! Bada bing, bada boom! Pending the submission of a set of paperwork, I'll have an interview in L.A. in a few weeks... And I figure, what better time to do this than now? I'm not with anyone, I have no children, I'm extremely mobile... and I have the desire to better the world in drastic ways. What better conditions could possibly exist?

Anyway, I should be off to bed, but I had a few (coughMayacough) readers request an update. Does this help? Cheers!

A bout with optimism...

2008-11-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I can't help but think today that maybe things aren't quite so bad. I know. Weird. I, who had been becoming an increasing pessimist, say that. I realize the economy's bad. The upcoming election may prove more heartbreaking than the last two. The empire of the United States is quickly crumbling. Crime and racism are still rampant. Poverty envelopes much of the world. Ignorance and discrimination are abundant. Yet... I can't help but feel optimistic.

I'm not really sure what's brought on this surge of hope. Perhaps it's the BBC series that I'm lately addicted to: “Planet Earth.” Perhaps it's the good friends I've surrounded myself with lately. Perhaps it's the regular running I've been doing... I'm not really sure. What I do know, though, is that I'm feeling better these days. Maybe I shouldn't question it.

So what now? Now, I suppose, I run with it. Make the best of my time here. Become an effective and happy educator. Work within a system that discourages education and independence. Find a way to establish myself, alone, devoid of extraneous and unnecessary titles and affiliations. Be me.

And sure, I'm a bit lonely in the lack of presence of a worthwhile male. The barrage of dates I've been on lately has done anything but assuage my need for companionship. In fact, it's exacerbated my perceived loneliness. However, I've been thinking that I should resign myself to not meeting “him” (or her??) until I'm 27. That gives me two years to stop trying so hard to settle down. Two years to work on myself and become – fully- who I want to be.

I know I've got an uncommon heart. (Incidentally, this Open Office version of Word has the predicted text capability enabled... when I was typing “uncommon heart,” it tried to expand heart to heartbreaking. Interesting.) I know I can be phenomenal at whatever I choose. For so long, I've been looking for the next thing: the next boyfriend, the next job, the next place to live. And now, I think, I'm gonna work at bettering my current situation. It's so easy to run, but the challenge of staying may prove worthwhile.

Who knows? Maybe my career in education isn't all for naught. Perhaps this is just the beginning. Sometimes, I can't help but feel I'm destined for great things, should I choose them. I think I'm of above-average intelligence (no super genius, unfortunately), but that my interest and passion can make up for my lack of Einstein-like algorithms. I think with the drive and courage that I possess, I may yet be able to make my life worth living.

And in my “old age” of 25, I'm starting to see things differently. I'm caring less what people think about me and more what I think about me. I'm becoming more honest (if harshly so), and it's incredibly revitalizing. I've been able to tell several gentleman that I am not interested in them. Painful, perhaps, but honest. And I'm trying to take honesty and criticisms better. I fully acknowledge that I am far from perfect. Yes, I am very well aware of that. BUT I do have the redeeming quality of the desire to better my life and (to a degree) the lives of those around me.

As for the future... I think I need to relax. A friend in college, after a lengthy IM, put it best when he said, “I think you just need to chill out.” Bingo. That's exactly it. Well, partially. I want to chill out about certain things (e.g., traffic, my neverending to-do list, etc.), but I don't want to relax about others. Some battles are worth fighting (e.g., poverty, intolerance, injustice, illiteracy, etc.).

The upcoming election may be part of the source of my optimism as well. Obama's message of hope is catchy. It's inspiring to a degree. I realize that hope can be dangerous (when you're horribly let down), but I think it's also part of what makes us human. Without hope... well, what are we? And back to the election, it's crazy to think that in 2 days, we'll likely know who our next president will be. Right now, at 3:14pm on Sunday, the 2nd of November, I have no idea who will lead our country next year. I dearly hope it's not McCain, but I'm nervous. What will happen to the U.S. If we get another republican in office? Are we then completely doomed? Up until recently, my exit strategy in the case of McCain's win had been to join the Peace Corps and leave this God-forsaken place. However, and I am reminded of 4 years ago, it is easy to run away. Every country has its problems, and the United States is (obviously) no exception. What happens if I just decide to stay? To not give up? To keep on going, even when the odds are stacked against me?

There was something I know now that I wish I had known in high school: I am stronger than I think. Today, a bit sick (cough, sore throat, etc.), I decided to keep on training for a 10k I'm running next week. I ran 6.25 miles and felt pretty decent afterwards. Around mile 3 in the run, though, I started getting those negative thoughts in my head.

“I can't do this,” I'd thought. “My lungs burn. I'm getting sick. I could just stop and walk the rest of it. I'm getting dehydrated. It's hot out.” ... ad nauseum.

In high school when I got those thoughts, I'd stop running and give in. I slowed down or just flat-out quit many a run during track and cross country seasons. As much as I love my mom, she taught me the fine art of quitting something I didn't immediately like. (And of course, this has proven both helpful and harmful.)

But now, at 25, I decided to go past those thoughts. I kept going, as I have for the past 6 months or so. When I get those negative ideas, I just keep going. Sometimes I have to do a sort of triage approach. (“Just one more lamppost,” or “just 2 more minutes, then you can stop.”) I'll trick myself into keeping going. And then, before I know it, I don't want to stop.

Mile 4 was easy. It felt good, and I was happy to trot along to my music. Mile 5 got difficult again. I got tired (since I usually train not more than 5 miles at present). But I was past the point of no return; I had but 1.25 miles to go, and I wasn't about to stop. So I broke down the run with the help of my Nike+. I waited for the “15 minutes to go,” then “10 minutes,” and so forth. The run is MUCH easier when broken into 5-minute increments.

At the end of the run, it was once again reinforced that yes, I CAN do these things that I decide to do. I can be a runner. I can teach. I can be a responsible and active person. I just wish I'd realized all this 10 years earlier...

Just a few moments ago, there was a young (20s??) guy sitting next to me. I didn't talk to him, but about 50% of the time I would've. He was waiting for his mom for a relaxing chat. His mother finally joined him, and they sat there for a bit, reading, drinking coffee, chatting. I felt a pang of sadness; I miss my own mom! As happy as I am with the lovely weather right now (about 78 in the shade in November), I miss my family. I'd love nothing more sometimes than to just call up my parents or sisters and say, “Hey, let's get some coffee,” or “Hey, let's go see that new movie.” Oh, that I could reconcile weather and family. Unfortunately for the latter, I have no desire to move back to Ohio. It's hard to be gloomy when every day is sunny and warm. I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts in November, and I'm comfortable (even a little warm)! This is why I moved here. That, and the amazing scenery all around. I love Arizona, I really do. I just wish I could move all my family and good friends here. That would be what heaven would be like, I think.

Which brings me to my next topic: God, or lack thereof...
So I'm still unsure of where I stand on the whole God thing. Maybe I always will be unsure, and that's just fine with me. I can certainly see the appeal of believing in a deity. It's gotta be reassuring to know that somewhere, someone is watching out for you. However, empirical evidence doesn't seem to support such a benevolent being. And really, what's so wrong about there not being a god? No judgment, nothing deeper than what is. Maybe the simpler explanation here is right. Who am I to say?

In my younger years, I believed (or wanted to believe) in God very much. I went to church, I prayed every night, I'd thank God for my fortunes and ask for help in more difficult times. Though I still pray, it feels hollow and pointless. Half the time, I fall asleep, hands folded, before I ever finish my prayers. However, I'm not to the point of strict atheism yet. I'm not totally sold either way. I'm in agnostic limbo, and that's my preference for the time being. Science is no substitute for God, nor God for science. I think there may be truth in both, and I don't think they're irreconcilable. What I mean is: why can't evolution exist alongside the teachings of the Bible? If we don't take the Bible quite so literally, can't “one day” really be a millennium, so the world was created in 7 millennia, not days? Who knows?

Probably the most appealing aspect of religion/faith is the promise of everlasting life. That, if you are a decent person (or an evil person who eventually repents), there is a place for you in heaven. Guaranteed. Who wouldn't want that? Admittedly, I struggle with death from time to time. It's kind of terrifying to think that, one day, I will completely cease to exist. That's it. No more. No matter how much energy I have... no matter how many thoughts and aspirations... no matter how much I love or hope or do... it'll all end. And if there is nothing after death, that's it. We all meet the same fate. If that's the truth, what's the point of morality? What, really, is the point of anything? That certainly is a hard idea to swallow (for me, at least). I guess on the flipside, though, immortality is terrifying to me as well. To NEVER cease to exist? To go on and on and on with no end, ever? Yeah, that's scary, too. Surely there is some happy medium somewhere in there. But I suppose that's not for me to know right now.

All right, I am off to finish lesson planning for tomorrow, since I'm fresh and inspired. The day is lovely here in Phoenix, Arizona. I will enjoy the rest of my day, and I hope you will, too. Cheers.

What we're doing at school!

2008-10-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a song for my math students... Here are the lyrics:

Order… of Ops! (Repeat 4x)

(hook)
Down, down, do your math, do your math (Repeat 4x)

Verse One:
They say I'm a teacher, and I say yeah
They say what you doing, tryin’ to do some crazy math?
I just let the order of operations go
So all my classes can pass the 6th grade, yo
They got some crazy math, you gotta move your pencil
Crazy math, it's called the triple-O
It don't matter if you're 11 or you’re12 (here we go)
We gone show you how it go

Chorus:
Parentheses, parentheses, parentheses, parentheses,
Exponents, exponents, exponents, exponents,
Now mult or div, now mult or div,
Now add or subtract, now add or subtract
(let me see you do)

(hook) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Two:
Now you see what I'm talking about
I represent for the Bulldogs, yo
Where we known for mathing out
I'm gonna show you what I'm talking about

(hook 2x) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Three:
And do the order of ops
Do the order of Ops
It's ya friend PEMDAS, PEM to the DAS

Crazy math on the track, got another hittin beat
(here we go, hey)

(hook)

I performed it for them last week, and they liked it! Another teacher suggested I perform it WITH students and put it on YouTube... So we did it! :)

The concept was to have a “boring” teacher explaining the order of operations to her class. Then, as in a daydream, the students start whispering, “order of ops.” Then students and teachers burst into song! After the song, class resumes as if nothing had ever happened.

Below is the video (fear not; every student in it has a signed permission slip saying they can be on YouTube and the internet's public domain). Without further ado, enjoy!! :)

joke's on me

2008-10-14T00:29:00.002-07:00

so it's late, i'm exhausted, i'm going through a paradigm shift of sorts (loooong story), and i just got back from the new kids on the block (nkotb) concert (photos to follow)...

but

this was hilarious... admittedly, i'm on a free dating site, and i have a small disclaimer on my profile. it reads:

And a snotty P.S. from me: If you write to me and you can't correctly spell "your"/"you're" or "their"/"there"/"they're" or the like, I probably won't respond to you. Sorry. Maybe check on your grammatical skills and try again! :)

so there's that...

and tonight i received the BEST message of all time. it is documented below, completely unedited for your viewing pleasure. have a great night!

whats going on, how are you? ok, so I have to ask.... not to be rude or sound like a complete ass... but what makes or who made you so perfect in todays world? so if someone does not have the best grammer does that make them a terrible person? Hell I am a very smart guy, does not mean I am going to spell correctly EVERY SINGLE TIME. your ego sounds like your a little to classy and to good for yourself. something so little as spelling and if someone doesnt spell/type a word completely correct to the right grammered way then you will not talk to them. let me tell you life is a little more indepth than knowing how to spell EVERYTHING correct you need to look at the big picture not just the small little things.. You are talking to an almost dr, and your makin statements that are insane.. I truely think that before u start typing to people on the net or anywhere else you should gain reality in life and not expect.......

My October Story

2008-10-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

My morning was off to a ROUGH start, let me tell you! So I’m “training” for the half (I say “training” because I have no idea what I’m doing!) … and today I’d decided to step it up to a 4-mile run (per my plan)… so the run started off well… According to my Garmin watch (with GPS!), I was keeping about a 9:34 pace, which is AWESOME for me. So I was all happy. And I started on a new route today, since my mileage slightly increased.

About halfway through the run, the sidewalk had a slight dip in it. “Ooh!” I”d thought to myself, “I can surely fly down that little hill!” And fly I did… I totally biffed it!! OUCH!!!! My knee & my whole right forearm were TOTALLY scraped up, bloody, etc. It HURT!!! I was shocked at first, then I cried, then wallowed in self pity for a few minutes. Yuck. Eventually, I got back up and started walking, which was pretty painful. I tried running again, but it hurt, so I walked. After about 5-10 minutes of walking, though, I realized I wouldn’t make it home in time to get ready for school if I kept walking. I realized I’d be in pain whether I walked or ran, so I decided to start running again. After a minute or two, I felt OK (though my arm was SCREAMING in pain from the wind resistance)… and I actually felt good after another mile. I picked my pace up from a 9:51 mile to a 9:40 mile, which was pretty decent considering the circumstances. At the end of the 4.18 miles (which is what 41 minutes of running got me), I stopped and walked.

As soon as I started walking, my knee was in excruciating pain!! Ow!! I limped in the house, got some water, made some coffee, then dragged my tattered self upstairs. It was only 6:25, so I still had about 45 minutes to get ready. However, I was in such awful pain that I had to sit on the couch, prop my bloody leg up, and ice it. OUCH!! Holy CRAP, did that hurt. The tears streamed down, and I started feeling bad again. I’d considered calling off school today, but figured I didn’t want another day off before our break! (I’d called off the day after Noah broke up with me.)

Eventually, I mustered up the strength to take a shower and rinse off… OW!!!!! I used the coolest water possible, and it still was an absolutely horrid situation. I woke my roommate up at 7 to help me clean the wounds (I didn’t want to put any ointment on myself!!). I took 1,000mg of ibuprofen and stifled the screams as my roommate helped me clean up. I have photos, too! Even Barbie took some because she was so impressed. ;) I’m legit!

I got to school, and immediately got the sympathy of EVERYONE. I’m not gonna lie- it was pretty nice. Fortunately, our school nurse was there and she helped dress the wounds. The knee hurts MORE now that it’s all bandaged (since the bandage moves a bit every time I walk), but I suppose it’s for the best. I had to hobble out to morning bus duty, where I had a student bring me a chair. I sat for a few minutes, and then was called to the office. A nice teacher watched the bus area for me, and I went to the office…

… Only to get chewed out by an irate mother!! “You’re not doing your job,” she’d scolded, angrily. “My son has dyslexia, and you’re doing NOTHING to help him. He’s failing, and it’s your fault.” I told the mother I wasn’t aware her son had dyslexia (it’s not on his IEP). “Well you’re his teacher, right? It’s YOUR job to read the paperwork.” BLEH!! I actually broke down crying in the middle of angry momma’s rant and ended the conversation like a wounded puppy. The office ladies kicked out the students in the office the second I started crying, so I could save face. Man, that woman tore me apart. Bleh! She ended with, “If things ain’t fixed tonight, I’ma come up there tomorrow and talk to you in person. Bye.” YUCK!!

Anyway, the day’s been ok otherwise. The kids are generally sympathetic and helpful and they find it funny that their teacher has to limp around like a gimp all day. At the middle of my 3rd class, I finally had to sit down. “If you have questions, please come to me,” I’d requested. The kids generally obliged, which was very helpful.

So that’s my start of October 2008!

The lone toothbrush

2008-09-29T23:21:00.002-07:00

Before I go to sleep, I had some thoughts that were dying to get out. Too many nights, I have all these things I want to write down, but my desire to sleep usually wins out. Tonight while brushing my teeth, I got to thinking: Thoughts are fleeting; the written word lasts much longer. So I've decided to sacrifice 20 minutes of sleep to get some ruminations out there.

First and foremost on my mind is the breakup that transpired just two weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still pretty sad about it, and I think I will be for a bit longer. I miss knowing that my weekends were going to be full of "couple time," I miss cuddling, I miss the little "extras" that are included in any decent relationship. However, I know I'm romanticizing things, and that all was not hunky-dory (or else I wouldn't be writing this at present).

Fortunately, for the heartbroken like yours truly, I found a good resource! Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up ... The video at the end proved a helpful reminder, too, that life still goes on.

The title of this post comes from getting ready for bed this evening. My ex gave my roommate back the stuff I'd left at his place. (My roommate still plays on the ex's softball team, which is weird and uncomfortable for me... but the ex and I were able to exchange our stuff through the roommie, so that was helpful.) Anyway, I was going through my bag of "returns" tonight and came across the toothbrush that I'd left at his place. I put it in the cabinet and peered at the toothbrush holder on the sink. Said holder used to contain his and my toothbrushes; now it (obviously) just holds mine. I looked at it tonight, and was suddenly saddened. It just really hit home: I *am* that lone toothbrush. Sigh.

However, as life seems to be cyclical, I know I will be over this in a bit. I've had much more devastating breakups, so this should be not really a big deal. I think the main problem is that I'm just getting sick of dating. All things considered, I really enjoyed being in this past relationship. I enjoyed the reliability and consistency of having someone there who I knew would care for me and I him (even though it wasn't perfect). And part of me still wants to contact him, see him... and of course I still hope that he'll want to get back together. But then my rational side steps in and nicely but firmly reminds me: "It's over."

This seems like the time, then, for me to enjoy the solitude. It need not be devastating... I've got good friends here, and I have a wonderful family I can chat with whenever I want. I just... I dunno.

Anyway, this entry was meant to be a lot more insightful and amazing than it turned out... someday! Turns out my little brain's too tired to handle breathtaking works of literature at this time. Perhaps in the near future...

For now, kind readers, I bid you a good night.

Life goes on...

2008-09-23T00:26:00.002-07:00

... so since my last entry, my (now ex-)boyfriend broke up with me. Ouch! I didn't see it coming, but what are you gonna do? Fooey on that. I'm getting over it slowly.

Anyway, I had the most random talk with our custodian at school tonight... He's a nice man of 65, and was telling me he's been married to his wife for 45 years (!!). Anyway, he is coming to grips with his mortality... Here, I was just IMing with a friend, and here's the story portion:

i had just finished an ok day of teaching and then an hour and a half of tutoring... so my brain was fried. it was like 5:20pm, and the custodian (a guy in his mid-60s) came in and started talking to me about life

at 65, he's starting to have some issues with his morality

and he told me, "when my wife and i were young, we knew we had all the time in the world. we could make plans for decades down the line... and now... we can't."

and it just kinda hit me, since i saw how much it was hitting him

it was a good reminder not to be so trivial

...

and really, it is. I keep trying to counsel myself, and it's helping. There's a question: "A year from now, will this matter? Two years from now?"... etc. So that helps.

Anyway, it's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime. Good night!

Oh, and P.S.: What's the thought on karma these days? Do people buy into it? Is it a cop-out? Does it even hold true? Let me know whatcha think!

What are the odds?

2008-09-13T11:03:00.003-07:00

So what on paper looked like it would be a so-so day (full day of school, no prep time, softball, etc.) actually turned out well! My lessons yesterday were ok (I don't think I'll be a stellar teacher for another year or two), but I got goofier as the day went on, which always entertains the kids. We have a nice little back-and-forth thing where we hassle each other a bit, then get back to work.

At the end of my 5th hour class (which is usually hands-down the worst class of the day, but today was actually pretty decent), the science teacher came in to inform me that I was to sub for another teacher during my prep period. Luckily I didn't need to prep at that particular time, so it turned out OK.

Anyway, I subbed for an 8th grade social studies class, and it wasn't too painful. According to the kids, some of them were 15 and 16 (in *8th* grade!!!). It seems some of them had failed 8th grade a time or two. I got them to work independently for the start of class, then I let them work in groups afterward. At the end of class, I had an "off-the-record" discussion with them about the Latino drop-out rate for high school. (Latinos lead the nation, far ahead of any other race.) I implored them to graduate high school or at least get their GED to make their lives better. We'll see... but I will say that I was happy to see my little 6th graders for my final class of the day. Much nicer! :)

Finally, both games of softball were actually fun! In the second game, it was the bottom of the last inning, 2 outs, we were down by just a few runs, and I was up to bat. ("Oh, boy," I thought, "I'll probably be the third out.") There was another game previously where I had been the third out and the game ended. (Gotta love inductive reasoning.) So I stepped up to the plate, a little shaky. My prior strategy last night was to not swing at any pitches, putting all the pressure on the pitcher. That got me on base both times I was up at bat. This time, I swung at one and missed. Then before I knew it, it was full count, one runner on base. Eesh! I swung with my all... and hit it!! Woo hoo! Fortunately, the shortstop missed and I got on base and advanced the runner ahead of me. That was enough to keep the game going! It actually felt pretty cool; there was hope yet for our team! In the end, though, we lost 10-9. So close! In that game, I'd scored 2 runs, so I was pretty proud of myself. Next, I try to tackle fielding- who would've thought grounders would be so hard to catch!?

Okee... for now, I'm off to lesson plan and spend the day with my man. Cheers! :)

Life is sweet.

2008-08-10T23:23:00.002-07:00

I'm exhausted, but wanted to say quickly that life is dang good right now. I feel so fortunate, for I have it all: a job I think I'll like (and be decent at and that will benefit society), a wonderful boyfriend (whom I get crazier about every day), an awesome family, a cool living situation, a functional car, good health, and more. I have absolutely NO complaints at this time.

Oooh, and a good thing happened today: I went to the batting cages, and I didn't suck! It was actually... fun. I enjoyed it, and I'm looking a bit more forward to this Friday (my 25th b-day!), where I'll play my first double-header on a co-ed team led by my boyfriend. Should be fun, hopefully!

For now, I get to sleep so I can be fresh & ready for week 2 of teaching! Cheers, and good night!

Welcome to the ... desert.

2008-07-24T13:46:00.002-07:00

So I've been here nearly a month now, and what I'm about to say may shock you.

Arizona is HOT in July!!!

Anyway, I'm getting my new life all set up here, and I'm happy to say things are going well. I've got it all: a car, a (rented) house, two cool roommates, my cat (Isaac got to move with me!), an awesome boyfriend, and a promising new job. No complaints here, that's for sure.

Today marks my fourth day of newbie in-services at my school district. I must say, I'm impressed overall with the district and its employees. Most of the other staff seem confident, professional, and relatively happy; what a change from Mayer!! It seems I have some amazing opportunities for growth here, and I'm stoked to get started!

So the last two days, I went to the Diamondbacks/Cubs game with the boyfriend... The Cubs got killed (9-2) on Tuesday night, but came back (10-6) last night. It was a victory long in the making for Cubs fans.

Anyway, lately I've been trying to be what I like to call a "keen observer of humanity." (This is partially because I've decided not to drink alcohol again until my 25th b-day next month, and I needed *something* to occupy my mind in the meantime!) During said observing, an old belief of mine has been reaffirmed, and another is being formed. First, people (in general) seem to like to have something to cheer FOR as well as AGAINST. This has been confirmed time and time again in my head, from sporting events to wars to politicians to... well, pretty much anything. People like to take stances on things, and I'm no exception to that rule.

However, I've been wondering recently if I should judge this "cheering instinct," as I'll call it at present. Sure, it seems innocent enough at a sporting level, but is it? At the last two nights' games, I witnessed people behaving stupidly in the name of "loyalty" to their preferred baseball team. Before each game (as at most sporting events), fans rise and unite while the National Anthem is performed. Right after that, though, the unity falls and the brutal division begins. When alcohol is thrown into the mix, it's all the more ludicrous. Case in point: on Tuesday night, near the end of the game, two grown men (a Cubs fan and a Diamondbacks fan) had a ridiculous brawl in the middle of the seats. Many people joined in, and more watched, fascinated. I averted my eyes, quickly dismissing the event as drunken idiocy. But is it something more? Are people so eager to fight for a cause that they're willing to let everything else slip by the wayside?

If you think about it, we're constantly judging and placing values on things every day. Whenever we say "good" or "bad" or "that sucks" or "right on," we're judging. In fact, I'm sure we probably do it every few minutes or so about something. At church, it's God= good, Devil= bad and there's unity for a moment. When you get to the parking lot, though, the seemingly united whorshippers are angrily cutting each other off or impatiently waiting for their pewmate to get on the road.

Perhaps this dilemma will never be answered to my satisfaction, I'm not sure. For now, I suppose all I can do is observe. I will say, though, that it seems there are some glaring good things (e.g., education, tolerance, etc.) and some horrendously obvious bad things (e.g., genocide, anger, poverty, etc.). To be indifferent, it seems, is to be inhuman. Yet... where do we draw the line?

Fin.

2008-06-27T16:35:00.004-07:00

So there goes my all-time favorite job so far this lifetime... I will miss everyone dearly! Below, I'll post a few photos for you to see the antics of my last 2 days here.

Yavapai County Community Health Services, I salute you.

Mo' betta!

2008-06-26T10:26:00.004-07:00

yay!! Mb is just that: "Mo' betta." The LEEP went off yesterday, apparently, without a hitch. I was put under general anesthesia, which took me by surprise when I was informed of it; I'd assumed I'd be awake the whole time.

My final pre-op dialogue went like this:

Me: "Hey, Doc, would you give me the play-by-play with all this, so I know what to expect?"
Anesthesiologist: "Sure!"
Me: "Cool, thanks."
A: "Not a prob."
Me: "So, how long 'til I go unconscious?"
A: "I'll letcha know ASAP."
Me: "Cool... Whoa, I'm woozy-" and out!

I came to, and felt quite drunk. My dialogue with the recovery room nurse went like this:

Me: "Wow, you guys are efficient!"
Nurse: "Yeah, so they say."
Me: "I'm impressed. Thanks. By the way, do you like your line of work?"
Nurse: "Yeah, I do. Quite a bit."
Me: "Cool. I always thought it'd be interesting to be a nurse. Very noble."
Nurse: "Thanks! Have you ever taken any nursing classes?"
Me: [lying and woozy] "Oh, I took some A & P courses at some point." [Then it occurred to me I probably sounded drunk.] "Sorry for my slurred speech."
Nurse: "No prob!"

Anyway, now I'm feeling pretty good... despite extremely painful urination. They gave me some Tylenol "Number 3" (with codeine)... but I don't want to use it if I don't have to. Ibuprofen is more than sufficient at the time being, so I should be good.

So that's the update, kids. All is well... for now! :)

Eek!

2008-06-25T09:47:00.002-07:00

So the time draws nearer for the LEEP procedure... (If you aren't up-to-date on the saga, see the last few entries.) I leave my office in 45 minutes, and then have to do a lot of driving & waiting. Joy.

Fortunately, I've got a lot of help. My awesome buddy, Fandrew, will be helping out today, and the next two days, my coworkers are gonna be available. Friday, I get to see Noah (the new man) for the weekend. I should be golden!

Anyway, after all the panicking and worrying I've been doing about this stuff, it'll all come to a close today (hopefully!). I'll write tomorrow, when I'm more coherent and less flustered!

Until then... peace out!

A 180

2008-06-15T16:03:00.002-07:00

So, wow... things have completely turned around in a short period of time!! :) Here are the updates:

1.) My car will be fixed tomorrow, which means I have to give my beloved rental (a Pontaic G6) back... but it's cool.

2.) I will officially be moving to the Phoenix area during the next two weeks! I found an awesome roommate (thanks, roommates.com!!), and she's finishing up school to be a teacher, too! Which brings me to the next point...

3.) Pending a smooth meeting-of-the-administration tomorrow morning, I will be teaching 6th grade math at a Phoenix-area middle school!! :D I'm scared as hell, but I think it can also be awesome!! (One subject... 50-minute periods... one grade... Heaven!) I'll create a separate blog for that, fear not.

4.) My dysplasia's still kicking my cervix's butt (heh), but I'll be having that procedure done in a week, while I still have health insurance. Shouldn't be life-shattering.

So, in short, things are MUCH better! Thank you ALL so much for your kind thoughts; I think that helped me a great deal!

And now, back to packing...

fuck. (pardon my french)

2008-06-10T22:47:00.002-07:00

it's just been a really crappy past few days... here are my recent trials and tribulations:

-i got in a car accident on sunday (a guy turned into me- his fault- but i wasn't able to stop in time and essentially drove right into him)... we were both ok, and i got a free rental car for the time being, but...

-my insurance people called today, saying that they may take my car as a "total loss," i guess which means they'll give me some money and not my car. (curses- i need a car, and i like the one i've got!!)

-my cervical dysplasia (essentially pre-cancer) is back in full force, worse than last time. the doctor wants to be more aggressive with it, so i'm gonna have the leep procedure done sometime in the next week or two. yuck.

-i have to be out of my house in less than 3 weeks now, and i don't know yet where i'm going or what i'm doing.

-i have no idea what i want to do with my life in general.

yuck!!

and here are some of the things i've read about the leep procedure which have sent me into tears:

-Risks
* After the surgery, a small number of women (less than 10%) may have significant bleeding that requires vaginal packing or a blood transfusion.
* Infection of the cervix or uterus may develop (rare).
* Narrowing of the cervix (cervical stenosis) that can cause infertility may occur (rare).
* Once a woman has had LEEP, she has a higher risk of delivering a baby early.

Fantastic... and here we are.

as an aside, i got accepted into ucla's paralegal program, which begins in about a month... i have to decide very quickly if i will be moving to the los angeles area to go back to school for 4.5 months... it's gonna be one heck of an adventure. for now, adieu.

And so it goes...

2008-06-03T10:53:00.003-07:00

(Sorry, I'm totally hooked on that Billy Joel song at the moment.)

Well, I just finished reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. PHENOMENAL book... wow. Mr. Pausch has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and doesn't have much logner to live. He gave a lecture at Carnegie Mellon University and then had it turned into a book. Incredible!

Anyway, this dying fellow's story got me sort of re-examining my life and trying to appreciate the things I take for granted. Though I realize it's not anywhere *near* as intense as dying, I know that my days at this job are numbered (18 left, to be precise)... and I'm almost done living in Cottonwood. Thus, I'm trying to take everything in I can. That includes appreciating(among other things) the following:

*the myriad stars I can see each night
*the smell of Cottonwood and northern Arizona in general: delightful and clean!
*my 5-minute commute to work each day
*having a HUGE room, a really nice house, and an awesome roommate (who's now in Colorado for the summer)
*my lovely cat, Isaac, for whom I'll probably have to find a new home soon
*complete and utter independence (which I may temporarily lose if/when I move to L.A.)
*having amazing and fun coworkers
*being proficient at my job and having downtime at work to plan for my future
*feeling like a member of the community, frequently knowing people around town
*the LOVELY scenery around here!!!!

However, I now accept that it's time for me to move on. At this point, I'm 95% certain that I will be moving to L.A. in a few weeks. While I'm scared by this concept, I'm also excited for the new opportunity it brings. I toured UCLA last weekend, and I was completely charmed by it!! I find out next Wednesday if I'm in or not and if I am, I'm going! :)

Also, trying to keep things fun, I've created some lovely LOLCat-eqsue images for you!! :) Enjoy, and I'll catch you guys on the flipside!

This blew my mind!

2008-05-23T11:07:00.002-07:00

So sometimes, when I get so caught up in my own life, I tend to forget how crazy awesome the universe can be. I was perusing one of my new favorite sites (http://www.drudgereport.com/), and they had one of NASA's pictures of the day on their site.

Today's picture was Jupiter... apparently, Jupiter is creating more big, red spots (like the infamous one that is more than two Earth-lengths in diameter). Ever since I was a kid, I've been fascinated to no end with space, and with Jupiter in particular. First of all, badass name. Second, the big, red spot is enormous!! Everything we know in our own world is dwarfed by Jupiter's enormous storm. And now there are more! Crazy.

Anyway, I found another picture on NASA's site that just blew my mind...

I am always astounded when two seemingly-unrelated natural occurences (like, perhaps typhoons and galaxies!) look very similar. (I'm also intrigued by the similarities among trees, rivers, and lightning... they all take on similar forms!)

Anyway, it was the above image that reminded me that life can be pretty amazing. It's easy to lose sight of that when you're caught up in your own life and troubles, and it's SO nice to just look around you and appreciate stuff. So here I am, appreciating the majesty that is our universe. (No, I haven't gone off the deep end... I'm just trying to lighten up for a bit!)

On a personal note, I haven't yet decided on my own future. The two options I'm humoring right now are teaching in Phoenix or going to paralegal school in Los Angeles. We'll see; I have to make a decision soon!! Eek! However, this weekend should be awesome... I have a good friend flying out, and I'm hosting my first BBQ at my house tomorrow! Score! :)

Okee... I think that's about it for now. Don't forget to stop and take a look around, y'all!

Oh, and I'll end with a quote from John Mayer's song, "Say"...

"Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations"

Decisions!!

2008-05-07T18:07:00.004-07:00

So, my friends, here it is: another time of decisions. I have to choose a job and a place to live sometime within the next two months. It seems that I'll most likely go back to teaching, though I'm uncertain for how long.

I just had a job interview at our local middle school an hour ago. Although I was extremely nervous, it seemed to go reasonably well. I think it's a good thing when you're able to joke around easily with your potential coworkers.

Today was quite a day!! We had our community event "Body Walk," which takes area 3rd graders on a trip throughout the body. As in March, I was Dr. Lungenstein, who told kids (in a bad, fake German accent) about the dangers of tobacco use. Here's me in full costume:

So with yesterday, today and tomorrow, we'll have seen almost 500 third graders! It's pretty exhausting, but very enjoyable. That was today at work. After work, I had a CFT (Child-Family Team) meeting for my CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocate) girl... It was very interesting! I tried to help as much as I could, but I'm not sure what resources are available yet, so it was difficult to contribute much. Right after the CFT meeting, I had to jet over to the middle school for the aforementioned job interview. Overall, I think it was good. They were already familiar with the rap I performed last month at the school.

Aaaaaaaaaaanyway, I have somewhat of a dilemma... Do I go where the staff is cool and I know the area (Cottonwood), but the pay is just ok... OR do I go somewhere new and different that pays very well (Yuma)? I got another call yesterday from a district down in BFE: it's right near Yuma, which is on the Arizona/California/Mexico border. Wicked. It's 3 hours from both Phoenix and San Diego (in between), and it's only an hour or two from the ocean!! However, I don't know anyone there, and I'm very nervous about my Spanish-speaking abilities. (I'd have to practice a LOT!) However... it's a challenge and it's new and different (and it pays about $10,000/year more than the local job). Eek!! Decisions!! I'm just really, really unsure of what to do. Thoughts/comments are always welcome!

Okee... for now I'm off, but I'll catch you all on the flipside!

Peace out.

My runs!! :)

2008-04-20T13:51:00.002-07:00

Yo, yo... finished my first 10k ever! And now I'm trying to upload Nike +'s stats from my Nano... I'm not sure how accurate they are (long story), but it's a start... chizzeck it out:

A coveted moment to myself

2008-04-15T19:42:00.006-07:00

So my business class let out early tonight, and I'm left alone in the classroom with my thoughts. It's actually pretty cool.

Anyway, welcome to Mb's head. Feel free to stop reading at any point! :)

Last week, I watched the movie "The Kite Runner." I thought it was outstanding, because it made me think long after the movie was over. I also had had a brief bout of patriotism brought on by "The Kite Runner," which is no small feat. I realized that yes, as Americans, we do have a great degree of freedom which I usually don't give a second thought. We are able to dress and speak and live (basically) as we choose. It's really not such a bad life. No, I don't agree with most of our leaders, and no, I don't think war is a good answer... but my day-to-day life is pretty damn good, especially when compared to life in war-torn nations.

Next up: on being an over-achiever. I like to think of myself as a sporadic over-achiever. That is to say, when something takes my interest (be it a boy or a work project or a homework assignment or whatever), I take it and run with it. Lately, I've been having a great deal of fun working on Power Point presentations for the aforementioned business class I'm taking. I really enjoy putting those little puppies together. I think they're clever, amusing, and well-written (not unlike this blog??). They do have more photos, though. Let me try and insert some sample slides... (Click on any slide to make it full-screen.)

I did it!! That was my title slide from tonight's presentation. Here are some others I like:

(The next few are older)...

Ha! So I like to go "above and beyond" on stuff like this. It's fun. I just... I guess I just wish more people got more enthusiastic about more things. Hmm... like, I wish people in general had more of a passion for doing positive things (for themselves and others) than being so petty and unoriginal. Sigh.

Next... I'm freaking out about my job status. I still have 2.5 more months to find something, but it's unnerving as all get-out. My top 4 choices at this particular moment (in order):

1.) Teach outside the country with the Department of Defense Educational Activity (DoDDEA).
2.) Teach somewhere in Arizona (probably Phoenix).
3.) Go back to school for either a paralegal or other professional degree.
4.) Work as a detention officer for a year or so and learn an immense amount about humanity.*

So those are some of the options I'm weighing at present.

I think that's it for now. Oh, and I like my teenage smoking cessation class a lot. I'm on my second class, and this group is 6 boys who come from 4 different countries (South Korea, Brazil, Germany, and El Salvador). I realized today, during our discussion, that I genuinely like each one and want what's best for them. They, like so many teenagers I've seen, are intelligent and insightful. They have good thoughts and ideas, and I want to help empower them to do something positive with their lives. Hm. Maybe I *should* go back to teaching.

Fin.

*Mom, I know you won't like this fourth option. Sorry. But I think it'd be a fascinating study on human nature. I'll be safe, don't worry! :)

Creativity...

2008-03-31T14:18:00.002-07:00

So my coworker and I are preparing to do this AWESOME presentation for 6th and 8th graders on Friday... I've decided to do an anti-tobacco rap, but all the ones we have suck... So I rewrote "Yeah" (by Usher, feat. Lil' Jon & Ludacris)! Here are my new lyrics:

"No!”
(feat. Mb & JB)

[Mb:]
Peace up! C-wood!

[JB:]
No, no! No way!

(JB! Mb! JB! Mb!)

[Mb:]
Let’s go!

[JB:]
No, no, no… no, no, no, no…

[Mb(Verse 1):]

Up getting’ lunch with my homies, tryin’ to get a lil’ pizza,
but it looks really greasy,
‘cause you know how it is.
I saw a cutie checkin’ up on me, from the way he was smilin’ my way,
you would think that he knew me,
So we decided to chill…

He asked me to smoke with him,
He had me feelin’ like I’m ready to puke!
(Watch out! Oh! Watch out!)
He’s saying, “Smoke with me! Smoke with me,”
So I got up and l let him watch me go,
He said, “Please just try one!”
Then I told him, I said,

No, no, no….

[Mb/JB(Chorus):]
No (no) Smoker hacked phlegm balls and said, “Smoke with me”
No (no) I got so grossed out I forgot he told me
No (no) His mom got emphysema and cancer
No (no) Next thing I knew he was all up on me, coughing
No, no, no…

[JB(Verse 2):]

So he’s all up in my grill now,
Got me thinking that it might be stupid to smoke like him,
‘Cause he’s ready to hurl (ready to hurl)
But I gotta keep it real now,
‘Cause he’s in my math class in the seat next to me,
And that’ d be awkward.
Because I don’t know
If I take that chance
Just where it’s gonna lead,
But what I do know
Is the way he smells
Makes cutie real gross to me.
The way he’s (so broke!)
I’m like, NO, just wanna save my money.
He asked if I had a light,
I said, “Yeah right!”
Why on earth is he smokin’ that stuff?
And I said….

[Mb/JB(Chorus):]
No (no) Smoker hacked phlegm balls and said, “Smoke with me”
No (no) I got so grossed out I forgot he told me
No (no) His mom got emphysema and cancer
No (no) Next thing I knew he was all up on me, coughing
No, no, no…

[Mb:]
Hey, JB!

[Mb(Verse 3):]
Watch out!
Tobacco’s ridiculous,
In the mags, looking so obnoxious.
And wow, these companies are tryin’ ‘to hook,
Young kids ‘cause they think they like the look…
Forget about the game, I'm a spit the truth,
They won’t stop ‘til they get you in a funeral suit,
So give ‘em your money and it’ll be gone with your lives,
All so this stupid industry can survive…
I left the cigs and I took my health,
Now I’m the one who will keep all of my wealth,
How you like me now,
When smokers spend over one hundred thousand…
That’s just for a pack a day
Of smokes and not much more, for realz
They get ya hooked now and leave you dead,
They want people who don’t think and use their head…

[Chorus]

[Mb/JB(Bridge):]
Take that and rewind it back, JB got the skillz to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, Mb got the facts to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, JB got the help to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, Mb got the ways to make ya wanna say NO

Lame, lame,lame...

2008-03-25T08:13:00.002-07:00

So there goes me job... It's not "for sure" yet, but my boss said she really doesn't think my position will stay after our HUGE budget cut. :(

Other services of ours that are being cut as of July 1, 2008:

-ALL cessation classes (including my work with the teenagers!!)
-ALL prevention past 8th grade (meaning we will no longer do classes in high schools)
-ALL community events (like health fairs)

... SuckY!!! :( Silly mis-managing of $$. I deem this whole thing lame. (By "lame," of course, I mean ridiculous, unfounded, and stupid.)

Grrr...

So now I'm hunting for jobs. The Department of Defense has a sweet education program that I'm thinking about... You'd teach abroad on a U.S. military base... As a matter of fact, I'm gonna start applying for that now... Peace!

Injustice

2008-03-21T12:29:00.004-07:00

So there's been a LOT of crap going down here at the County Health Department lately... I'll give you a brief summary, so you can be as outraged as I am.

1.) A few weeks ago, there was a big "scandal" because of some pamphlets people in different programs were distributing. The pamphlets provided legal advice/info for immigrants. Since the brochure was in Spanish, I'm assuming it was geared towards Mexican immigrants, which is a large demographic in Arizona. Anyway, the pamphlets stated something to the effect of waiting to have a lawyer before talking to ANYTHING pertaining to legal status/law. (This would mean one's residency status was in question.) Apparently, this was HUGE, and several people almost lost their jobs for providing this information.

2.) 2 weeks ago, we hosted a successful event in the area called "Teen Maze." It was awesome. Here are a few pictures from the tobacco booth (which I was in charge of), as well as an overhead view of the entire set-up:

Anyway, at this event, one of the "stations" was about STDs and safe sex. The gal we had doing it is PHENOMENAL at it, and she got rave reviews from the kids, the teachers, and from us (of course). There is NO question that the kids here (and everywhere, really) need this information!! There are far too many STDs and teen pregnancies going around, and these issues absolutely need to be addressed to the population at large.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels the way we (the health department) do about this. :( Several irate parents called us, as well as a few nervous school administrators, after the event to complain.

LONG story short, because of a handful of complaints (6, I think, was the total number), the girl lost her job. Done. She officially resigned yesterday. (She was given the option to resign or be fired.) We were all PISSED!!! A health educator lost her job over DOING her job!! What the hell!? Things here are very somber today, as we mourn the loss of one of our finest employees.

3.) We just found out yesterday that the State is cutting our tobacco budget significantly. Other counties have seen cuts of 40% and 60% (!!!) of their tobacco budgets, and we'll find out our fate on Monday. We know for certain, though, that ALL tobacco cessation efforts will be cut with the exception of a 1-800 number people can call. That means that ALL the work I've been doing with adults and teenagers will be cut. Gone. Kaput. Also, they're definitely cutting our efforts with high-schoolers. No more tobacco education past grade 8. NOT cool. So we're also super pissed about that. Finally, because of the cut, I may be out of a job as of July 1st. (That's when our grant would be cut.) Sucky!! Just when I was really getting the hang of this whole thing... I would be the first to go, since I haven't been here as long as everyone else. Sigh.

So, faithful readers, this is a sad day (and week, really) in our little corner of the world. I'm considering alternate plans for my future, and here are some of my best options:

1.) Go back to teaching.
2.) Go back to school (I'm still seriously considering ASU's program, but I'd have to do it sooner than anticipated).
3.) Teach abroad!! (We have a coworker and her husband leaving next month to teach English in South Korea for a year, and it's sounding pretty darn tempting to do something similar.)
4.) Go into an entirely different field of employment.

We'll see. So as of this moment, I don't know what I'll be doing in July. Happy weekend, everyone.

A bit of ... everything?

2008-03-18T10:53:00.004-07:00

Hokay, first: one of the bomb diggity-est anti-tobacco videos I've seen yet:

http://www.thetruth.com/videos/typo.cfm

AWESOME!!!

Next, a SCHWEET website with hilarious t-shirts:

http://www.bustedtees.com/

(I didn't embed the links because I wanted you to see the addresses easily.) :)

Finally, what is an olive??? Is it a fruit? A veggie? A legume? A nut?? What??!?! That was our debate at dinner last night.

P.S. The polygraph turned out A-OK. The woman who went after me, however, didn't pass!! I'm glad I went before her!!

P.P.S. Photo credit here.

My polygraph!

2008-03-10T16:56:00.002-07:00

So today I took my first (and hopefully last!) polygraph test!! Eeek!!

Why, you might ask, would an upstanding citizen such as myself need to take such a test? Well, I'll tell you!

The short of it is that I'm trying to be a Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for a child/children in the area. Since I'd be "working" for the Supreme Court, I am required to pass a polygraph. Crazy!!

Anyway, it was very interesting. The guy (who was very nice and who walked me through the whole thing) asked me 2 sets of questions, each set having 30 questions in it. We went over them together, and then I had to answer them again while hooked up to the machine. Crazy!

The apparatus, straight out of 1972, had 3 measuring implements:

1.) a blood-pressure cuff
2.) 2 electronode thingees to measure how much sweat I produced
3.) a phone-cord-like thing that went around my chest to measure my breathing

It was wild! Anyway... arg... Looks like it's time for me to go to job #2 (tutoring), then band, so I'll have to conclude this enthralling story later! Ciao!

How I turned my frown upside down...

2008-03-08T17:07:00.005-07:00

(Before you start reading: If my blog bores you, feel free to stop reading. I don't need to hear about your boredom; I write this for me, and I'm up for sharing my experiences with whatever audience wants to read them. So there!) :)

... So today started off ok... My 9:00 tutee cancelled, leaving me some coveted time to read and relax this morning. I was the only tutor at the college today (from 10am-2pm, which is the full time the tutoring center is open), so I was a bit apprehensive. It turned out mostly ok.

There was one woman I just wasn't able to help, though. I had *completely* forgotten how to do 2 of her problems, so I think I caused more inital confusion than good. (With the help of another tutor who was just "hanging out" there today, we got everything done, but it was still frustrating.) Eventually (after messing up a second time), I put my head down out of sheer exasperation with myself. I excused myself to the bathroom, where I actually cried!! Egads! When I'd composed myself a few minutes later, I returned to find that the kindly off-duty tutor had helped our hestitant math tutee. Thank goodness!

Aside from that, tutoring today was fine. When I was calming myself down, I promised myself a nice, long run when I got home, and that made me feel much better.

I got home, and shortly thereafter, my roommate and his parents came in. We all hung out for a bit, and then off for a run I went!

I was aiming for 55 or more minutes, which should put me right around 5 miles. Around minute 35, my right foot started KILLING me with a stupid blister I get from my running shoes. (To combat this, I usually double-up on socks or wear a bandaid, or both. Today, I had a bandaid.) I stopped at minute 36 to tighten the laces on my shoe, but the pain was still pretty bad. At minute 37, I stopped again and pulled the bandaid off. At minute 38, in sheer agonizing pain, I stopped completely, tears welling in my eyes.

Usually around 20-22 minutes, I get chest & shoulder cramps. Today was no exception, but I ran through them. I was feeling strong and capable after that. That's why it was SOOOOO maddening to have to stop becuase of my foot!! Usually the lungs are the things to hurt the most, but after running through that, the foot pain was unbearable. I cried (again!!) for a while, absolutely PISSED that I had to stop.

"What if this happens in the half-marathon?" I'd wondered. With this thought, tears ran down my face.

"What if my shoes cause excruciating pain during a race and I have to stop?" The thoughts kept coming, and I felt indescribably angry and sad.

Luckily, my iPod was still crankin' away, so I walked briskly for 30 minutes to the tunes. Since I'd planned on taking a long run today, I went farther from my house than I normally do (today, about 3 miles out). That meant I had to limp back a LOOOONG way, the sun beating down on me, which made me even more upset!

While I was walking through the pain and self-defeat, another runner and I crossed paths. This made me feel even crappier!! :( He was truckin' away at a good pace, and gave a friendly smile & wave. I tried my best to look like I was in awful pain (which I was!), and I returned a half-hearted smile.

"What the hell else?!" I wondered, angrily, at God/the Universe/the powers that be/nature. "Are you gonna send people I know this way, so I can be super humiliated? Will I also twist an ankle? Will I get horribly sunburned??" Ugh!!

A few minutes later, I decided to change my attitude.

I told myself I was grateful for being able to walk, and that I'd be able to run again soon. I set up a course of action: rest up a day or two, and bandage up super well for the next run. Next weekend, when I'm in Phoenix, I'll get fitted for (and buy!) a pair of shoes that actually work for my foot! After that, I'll be golden!

The music really helped, too. I played some good "pissed-off" songs, and then gradually let the "powerful" songs play.

Then it happened: my second wind and determination!! It was just the right combination: the sun was diagonally behind me, the wind was refreshing, the right song was going, and there was a downhill grade ahead. I started walking faster, and before I knew it, I was jogging, then in a full-out run. Yes, the blister HURT like a biotch, but I pushed through it.

...And I kept going.

I finished up my run for a total of 57 running minutes and 35 walking. A super workout!!! Of course, my foot was SCREAMING in pain at the end, but I'd done it: I'd run more than 55 minutes!!

It was such an invigorating feeling that I just *had* to share!! :)

As an aside, I was planning this entry out as I walked/ran. When I first had to stop and walk, I was going to title this "Mb and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." However, when I was able to run again, I decided on the present title. So there!

Thanks, faithful readers, and I'll catch you later on.

P.S. Photo credits are here for the runner and here for the iPod Nano. :)

Days left to live...

2008-03-02T10:15:00.003-07:00

So my mom & sis have tried this online calculator thingee... it's pretty cool! It tells you how many days old you are first off. Then, you can go to a life expectancy calculator and see how old you're expected to be. It tells you about how many days you have left to live, based on the info you entered.

Here are my stats:

I am 8966 days old.

Chronologically, I'm 24 (and a half!) years old, but my virtual age is 11.4. (Ha! Ain't that the truth??)

Apparently, the average life expectancy (for Americans??? They never seemed to specify...) is 74. Mine is 86.6 years. I was hoping for more, but that's not too bad, if I'm in reasonably good health.

I seem to have about 22800 days left to live. Crazy!

Ok, that's all for now. I hope you check it out! There's a lot of other interesting stuff on the site, too, so check it out. Here is the link to the age in days thingee, and here is the life expectancy calculator! Enjoy! :)

P.S. Carpe diem, yo!

Ego boost! :)

2008-02-28T16:53:00.002-07:00

So, I guess I kind of (indirectly) asked for it, but it was cool anyway.

Quick back-story: I was tutoring yesterday (read: sitting around, chatting with another tutor), and the girl we were helping occasionally joined in our conversation. Toward the end, one of her (male) classmates was waiting around, and eventually he asked for her number. THEN the (male) tutor I was chatting with (a high school senior, no less) was totally macking on this other girl! He ended up getting her number, too! I went home a bit... well, not bummed, but interested that I saw two number-getting sessions in a half hour.

Anyway, today I was driving the County car to a school to drop off some paperwork. There was a good deal of construction there, so I had to wait for one side of traffic to go while our side waited. Since it was GORGEOUS out (about 72 and mostly sunny), I had the window rolled down and the radio blastin'. Well, a construction worker meandered his way over to an unsuspecting me.

"What's an attractive girl like you doing working for the County?" he asked.

I chuckled. "Um, I really like working for the County, actually. It's a pretty sweet job."

And we talked for a few minutes. Right before it was time for me to go, he said, "How would you feel about me getting your number and going with me to grab a beer sometime?"

Having already run this scenario through my head, I'd replied, "Well, I'm seeing someone. I'm sorry." Not true, but it did the trick in the nicest way possible.

We exchanged niceties, and I was on my way.

Then, later today, I was carrying some papers from the car to the office, and a man called after me. "Excuse me!" he'd yelled.

I turned around, startled.

"You are just gorgeous."

"Oh, stop," I'd said, brushing off the comment.

"No, really, you are! I'm sure you get that a lot."

"No, not really, but thank you!" I'd replied. "Have a great day!" And I was off.

Ha... So that was my double-dose of ego boosts for the day!! :) Nevermind that they both looked like (young) ex-cons...

Boring = bad??

2008-02-24T23:00:00.002-07:00

So a certain friend/ex-boyfriend of mine informed me today that my blog is somewhat dry. ("Boring" was the exact term used.)

SO

In my defense, I say that this "boring"ness may result from a lack of drama, which I perceive as a good thing. However, for this entry, I shall be a bit more personal, if for no other reason than to change it up a bit.

Here are 10 personal things going on in my life (Mom, you may want to skip this posting)...

10.) I'm somewhat restless, even though I really like my job. I'd love to take a trip to Asia or Australia (thus hitting continent #5 at or before age 25), but I can't afford it at present.

9.) "The Bucket List" was awesome! I saw it yesterday with a fellow tutor, and it rocked. I will probably make a "bucket list" of my own soon, listing those things I'd like to see/do before I die.

8.) I haven't been in love in over a year, and I miss it (being in love). A lot. However, I'm kind of enjoying "kickin' it" with myself. It's also kinda nice to not have to share my bed! :)

7.) I have a standing offer for a menage trois with a lovely couple not far from me. We'll see how that plays out, though I can see myself getting cold feet.

6.) I'm suddenly more aware of my mortality and how fragile life can be. (This was before I saw "The Bucket List," by the way, so it was in no way influenced by that.)

5.) For once, I really, really like who I am. I think I am a pretty decent person, and I'm proud to be me. However, this recent discovery has made me extremely picky in the guy department. So much so that I'm afraid I've turned down several really great guys due to minimal annoyances. (Case in point: I ultimately broke up wiht one guy because he cleared his throat LITERALLY every two minutes.)

4.) Though I really don't like saying I have any regrets, I do. I wish I'd treated my boyfriends better a few years back. I wish I'd have picked one and stuck with him, no matter what outside distractions came my way. (I'm afraid I won't be able to commit long-term when it really comes down to it... However, I know I can work at it and make a good commitment happen if I really want to.)

3.) I'm really stoked about my new goal to run a half-marathon this year. I realized today, during a 42-minute run, that I may actually be able to do this thing. Right now, I've chosen Columbus, Ohio's event in October. I chose there because of the following reasons: my family is in Ohio and could come see me; it'd literally be running down memory lane, since I went to undergrad at OSU; there's one person in particular who lives there who I'd *really* want to come cheer me on.

2.) I really want kids someday. This has caused me to no longer date anyone who does not want children. (I'm also extremely hesitant to date someone who isn't sure about kids.) I think- honest to God/universe- that I'd make one hell of a parent.

1.) Recently, I've decided/realized that I'm addicted to love, or at least the pursuit of it. It drives me, it really does. And while I want success (as measured by a good salary that I'd help others with), I desire romantic love above all else right now. However, it doesn't seem it's in the cards, so I'm taking this time to chill out and enjoy my stint in my little town in Arizona. :) At least it's warmish and beautiful!

There. Personal enough for you? Have a good one, folks!

BEST site ever!!!

2008-02-22T13:28:00.002-07:00

So check out http://mentalfloss.com ... It'll rock your world!!!

My favorite quiz is about lines in "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel... Awesome!! Anyway, try this site out, and props to my mom for sending the address to me!

Happy weekend! :)

Teenagers aren't so bad...

2008-02-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

... I had a really good day that revolved around spending time with "them:" teenagers! Up until a few months ago, I thought I detested that age group, but I'm learning that they're really not that bad! :)

Our cessation class this morning was great! The teenagers were insightful, respectful, and very honest. I learned two things about them:

1.) NONE of them eat breakfast on a regular basis. (In fact, most agreed that if they ever *do* eat breakfast, it's on the weekends.)

2.) 8 of 10 have parents/guardians who smoke currently. Fascinating!

Anyway, it was a really nice morning, and I'm looking forward to my next 4 classes with them.

Next, we went to my roommate's drama class to judge their final tobacco skits. They were awesome!! It'll be hard picking a winner, so they might all win. (Winners will have their skits made into videos that will be shown to 4th/5th graders all over the area. We're even talking now about presenting the video at a regional conference this summer!) My coworkers, my roommate, the students, and I are all stoked about this collaboration! How awesome is *that*?? This could be huge! :)

Okee, that's all for now. I hope I've redeemed myself from the fiasco of Wednesday... (I also saved the County $400 on $1,000 worth of ordering, so that was good, too!) :D

Have a good weekend, all!

Did I do the right thing???

2008-02-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

Frick, frick, frick... so I may have screwed up...

Today, I was visiting the school where I taught last year. It was on work time, as I had to both pick up and drop off paperwork for one of the programs we do with the school. My 6th grade teacher friend (whom I like a great deal) asked me if I would talk to her girls about puberty & "girl issues" and the like. I (foolishly???) agreed, and she took her boys off to the library so I could chat with the girls alone. (Fortunately, *this* at least is legal, as I am still certified K-8, and can thus be alone in a classroom of kids.)

Well, I talked to the girls for about 20 minutes about some uncomfortable topics... We discussed periods, tampons, STDs, and so on. I was shocked to discover that most of the girls had NO idea that a period means their body is ready to conceive a child. No clue!! A few girls asked me (independent of one another) if two women who are intimate together could get pregnant. Oy!! I tried to be as honest and open (and patient) as I could through the whole thing, and I think I did a good job to that end.

HOWEVER, panic set in once the girls were off to lunch. I spoke with my teacher friend alone in her classroom, expressing my concerns that I might have overstepped some boundaries. (After all, we did briefly discuss condoms and birth control.) Eek!! I didn't talk at all about abstinence or abortion, so that might be helpful... but we talked about a lot of uncomfortable stuff about which the girls were curious. Anyway, the teacher friend she'd watch out for me however she could. I left feeling very nervous.

I spoke with a friend and with my mom, both of whom said I did the right thing. At the time, I didn't question that what I did was right. I figured I was giving the girls crucial information that they needed, and that they weren't getting elsewhere. (Currently, the school has NO form of sex ed, the nurse doesn't give talks, etc.) I just was upset that by doing what I felt to be right, I could get myself fired. Sucky.

Back at work, I told my 2 coworkers what had happened. I think they both thought I was pretty stupid for doing that, and proceeded to tell me why. I'm all FOR information, though, and it's the parent's job to help their children make informed decisions. Parents can ALWAYS counter what is taught in schools; teachers don't have the same luxury (of countering parents' ideas). In the public school arena, unfortunately, parents have the ultimate say. Who cares if teenage pregnancy is rampant in the area? Who cares if STD rates are skyrocketing? I do. And I did something about it. And now I might get in trouble for it. It just SUCKS.

Anyway, I eventually told the whole situation to my boss, who wasn't thrilled. She told me, "You need to learn to tell people 'no.'" Maybe, but I also believe that if you keep your mouth shut on important matters, that's dangerous and unjust, too! Sigh.

I guess I can just imagine the whole thing being blown out of proportion... I see angry parents calling the school tomorrow, demanding to know who the hell told their kids these things. I see my name getting mentioned, the health department looking bad, and me having to fight to keep my job. I see a nasty court case, where I tearily remark on the stand, "But I was doing what was right! How else can we enact change if we don't spread good information??" I see the judge and the jury shaking their heads in disapproval. I see me flipping burgers until I'm old and gray. I see my life turning into a Lifetime Original Movie that has a conclusion at the end: "Marybeth and her landmark case in fighting teenage pregnancy turned out for the worst. To date, she has appealed her case twice, and is $500,000 in debt from lawyers' fees."

Now I'm second-guessing my decision, but I still feel in my heart that I did the right thing. We'll see within the next week if the parents agree...

quick thoughts...

2008-02-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

1.) is it better to have privatization of all industries, or should the government solely take care of certain realms (e.g., healthcare and education)?? i'll elaborate more on these later...

2.) super tuesday!!! i voted. :) i'm stoked to see how this will all turn out...

3.) lent starts tomorrow, ash wednesday... i am giving up alcohol this year. that's right, friends... for the next 40 days, i will abstain from ze drink. wish me luck!

4.) i had my dysplasia "frozen" off today, which was not too bad, but extremely painful afterwards!!!

i must elaborate more later, as i have time. my sincerest apologies. for now, i take my leave.

LOVIN' my job!!

2008-01-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

So today was actually pretty sweet... This morning, I spent two hours preparing for two ELL (English-language-learner) classes that I was going to teach about tobacco today. I translated a TON of stuff, I practiced my facts, I read info in Spanish... I fully intended on presenting at least some of the info in Spanish to the class. (All of the kids spoke Spanish as a first language.)

I was stoked to do my first tobacco lessons en español! On the drive over to the high school, I only listened to music in Spanish. I practiced facts and pronounciation and I was feeling pretty confident.

When I arrived in the classroom, I was shaky and nervous, but very excited as well. I greeted the students with a hearty, "Buenos dias" (good morning), and I asked them (in Spanish) if they all spoke Spanish. They responded affirmatively. I then asked if they'd prefer to receive the information en ingles (English) o español. To my dismay, they chose English!! What are the odds???

Anyway, it also turned out that the second ELL class I was supposed to do today cancelled on me! They came to a lesson we did yesterday, so the teacher had other plans for today's class. Bummer! The kids in the class I *did* teach weren't bad. They thought it was funny whenever I got geeked out about something (as evidenced by my jumping up and down or shrieking out something). However, they talked during the ENTIRE video I showed, which was annoying to no end. Upon the conclusion of the video, I asked for comments and questions. They brought up a few for a couple minutes, then were silent! They sure had had enough to say during the movie!! Grr... Anyway, they were at least interested, and they were basically courteous to my face. I left a little annoyed, but it wasn't terrible.

Lunch for the high school is between the 3rd and 4th blocks of the day, so my roommate and I had pre-planned to do lunch together today in his room. We had a lovely meal that his office-mate cooked for us, and my rommate's friend joined us, too. The 4 of us had a good time, and we were all able to chill a bit.

After lunch, James (my roommate) asked if I needed to go to his drama class to present any information, since my other class had been cancelled. (You see, I'm recruiting the drama class to help make new anti-tobacco videos, so James & I are collaborating to make it happen. His kids are excited about it, too, so that definitely helps!) Anyway, I said that I'd go in for a few minutes and just give some basic info.

Wow!! "A few minutes" turned into over an hour!! The students were extremely interested in the information I presented. They had excellent questions, and we had an AWESOME discussion!! We talked about whether tobacco should be legal or not... A few students shared stories about loved ones who'd died from tobacco use. We had quite a few people shed tears. It shocked the crap out of me! The kids took notes, they participated actively... it was just wonderful. Those are the times when I'm *really* glad I'm still teaching in some capacity! Man... I'm just so in love with my job. It's so cool.

Sorry... it's hard to explain just how sweet today was. I'm finding (my to my surprise) that I *like* most teenagers. Up until recently, I'd decided I didn't. However, they're smart and they're interested in things and they're still fairly idealistic. Sigh. One of the students today even took the liberty of writing down everyone's questions that I couldn't answer, so that I can get back to them with the information. Awesomeness. Another student, after learning that there are traces of urine in manufactured tobacco, exclaimed, "Gross! That alone makes me really want to quit!" I couldn't help but beam.

Next week, we're starting an experimental cessation class for high schoolers in the area. Apparently, our office has never done one, and I (yours truly!) will be facilitating it!! I'm so stoked! My boss is going to help me for the first class or two (of six), then I'm on my own. So far, 12 kids are signed up for the class... my goal is to get them all at least thinking about quitting. I figure I'm doing something good here.

Also of note... statistics! The kids in James's class were oddly fascinated with numbers! A lot of the questions I couldn't answer centered around stats. (e.g., " What is the average age of death for people who die from tobacco use?", "What percent of children of smokers go on to become smokers themselves?", "How many infant deaths are caused because of tobacco use?") I mean, MAN, these kids had some good questions!!

We even delved into politics and public policy. I explained that my job is funded primarily by the tobacco tax, and that there's the new SCHIP initiative to have smokers essentially fund some child health care. I asked the students what they thought about taxing smokers to do this. One student replied, "Man, they should tax the industry, not the consumer!" Oh... it was just so cool!

Ok, I've gotta go look up a LOT of stats for these kids before I forget! Suffice it to say I'm very happy with my job! :)

It's staph!!

2008-01-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

That rash on my leg is staph!!! Doctor's office called today to confirm. Just FYI.

A funny thing happened on the way to the dermatologist...

2008-01-18T15:18:00.000-07:00

... Not really, but I like the title. :)

Anyway, I just had the *best* experience at the dermatologist's office! (If you reference my previous entry, you'll see that I noted a funky, nasty rash on my leg... This is the follow-up.)

It all began by me walking to the office door, which a kindly (if not a bit "off") patient opened for me. He was very pleasant, and I was thankful for his nice gesture. Though I had to wait about 20 minutes past my original appointment time, it was worth it. It was during this "wait time" that I was able to overhear a delightful conversation amongst senior citizens. (I was the youngest person in the waiting room by at least 40 years.)

There were 4 senior men and one wife in our gleeful, overheated room. The men were joking with each other (all complete strangers, it seemed) that none of them were of drafting age any longer. When a younger (mid-50s??) gentleman came in a few minutes later, they all agreed: "He is definitely still of drafting age!" It was apparently a compliment among this community, and I smiled at the thought.

I wish to gosh I remembered the specifics of the conversation, for it was absolutely adorable. There was talk of two of the fellows' origins (one, from South Dakota, recited his state's version of the National Anthem, which ended in "...and two squaws for every man.")... There was talk of former military service... These people were adorable!

The wife, at one point, left the room to retrieve a chocolate hard candy for her husband. When she returned, she noticed that her husband had scooted to sit by two of the other gentlemen. She lamented sweetly, "Why, if I'd have known there would be three gentlemen, I would have brought a few more candies!"

Anyway, long story short, the dermatologist eventually told me that I have one of the following: contact dermatitis (an allergic reaction to something like poison oak or poison ivy), impetigo, or MRSA (staph). Joy! However, he said it's easily treatable (he's treating me for all 3), and that I should be "back to as beautiful as you were before" in just a week or two!! Yay! I also inquired about my prior acne condition (I had HORRIBLE skin as a teenager/young adult), to which he replied, "Wow, I would never have known you had bad skin. You have a gorgeous complexion." Gorgeous. Complexion. I NEVER thought I'd hear these words uttered in order to ME from someone who looks at skin all day!! It completely elated me. Score.

Ok, so I'm over hours at work... Gotta jet! Peace out, children! :)

I'm falling apart!! Literally!

2008-01-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

So my body is going through the craziest time of its life... It's freaking me out. My *current* afflictions are:

-MCV (molluscum contagiosum)
-HPV (human papillomavirus)
-dysplasia due to HPV (these cells may be pre-cancerous; I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor)
-some funky skin rash on my left calf that's getting worse (I'm going to the dermatologist tomorrow!)
-lack of sense of taste (yet I can smell...) for more than two months
-what is most likely a yeast infection

I think that's it... but I'm falling apart at the seams!!

My car, ever neglected, felt she would join in the fun. The coolant/anti-freeze is going through the tank like a sieve. When I drive home from work, the car is smoking and smells like molases. I must take the car in, too!

Le sigh. Just thought I'd letcha all know why I may not be around to write future entries... :P

Quick question...

2008-01-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Is flag burning illegal in the United States?

*********

This is an issue that has been heatedly debated in my office yesterday & today. (I must admit, I brought it on by accident...) Anyway, I'm just curious. As of right now, I think it's a freedom protected under the First Amendment, but I'm not entirely sure. If you argue either way, please cite your sources. Thank you!

What I like about... me

2008-01-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

So I like that I generally try to speak up when I hear misinformation presented. I remember doing this in college, and I've just done it again at work. Of course, speaking one's opinion has a time and a place, but I felt this was a good time and place.

Anyway, this particular issue pertained to online/e-mail petitions. A coworker of mine, who I like, sent an e-mail from MADD (supposedly). It contained a poem and a nasty little guilt-based letter encouraging the reader to "sign" the petition at the bottom. In fact, said message reads:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you receive this petition and do nothing but delete it, your selfishness knows no bounds. Signing is such a small effort to make. After you have read the poem, please add your name at the bottom. And never forget, DON'T EVER DRINK AND DRIVE, not even once, thinking that it won't matter. IT DEFINITELY WILL MATTER!!!

How to set it up:
* Click on Forward
* SIGN YOUR NAME AT THE BOTTOM.
* Then send it to everyone you know.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So I was a little peeved, knowing that I'm not an extremely selfish person. I am also not a sucker, however, so I felt I had to speak up somehow.

Anyway, I was pretty proud of the little retort I composed and sent off:

Ladies,

As much as I am all FOR groups like MADD and other anti-drunk-driving committees, I have read time and again that e-mail/internet petitions are generally a waste of time. I don’t mind reading the poetry or the information or whatever, but a list of typed names at the end of an e-mail is of little use to policymakers. Here are some sources if you’re skeptical:

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.asp

http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm?aid=395

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_petition

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/p/petitions.htm

http://journals.aol.com/seglm/SheepNotSheep/entries/2006/05/05/internet-petitions/164

http://www.hoax-slayer.com/petition-value.html

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/aa052798.htm

http://www.truthminers.org/petitions1.htm

http://www.bentbay.dk/email_petitions.htm

I don’t mean to get on anyone’s bad side, but I thought I’d spread the good word about the futility of online petitions, especially when no verifying information is required. If you have any comments, I welcome your discourse.

Thank you all, and I’m sure I’ll see you soon,

Mb :)

So that's that. Just thought I'd share. :)

P.S. After looking on the MADD website, I found the exact thing I'd been looking for. Directly from their site:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Q: I received an email petition accompanied by a poem about a young girl killed by a drunk driver. Is this petition sponsored by MADD? What happens to the signatures?

A: The petition circulating via e-mail accompanied with the poem titled 'I Went to a Party Mom' did not originate with nor is it endorsed by MADD.

While the petition you received probably began with good intentions, MADD did not initiate the campaign. Some variations of the e-mail use language that we feel to be inappropriate. Moreover, the e-mail asks you to participate in a petition, which does little to advance the fight against drunk driving.

Your inquiry about this petition shows that you would like to help. You can make a real difference today in the fight against drunk driving and underage drinking by learning how you can play a part in MADD's lifesaving work.

You can also visit our Web site to learn more ways to help this cause please also consider making a Make a Financial Contribution MADD.

The mission of Mothers Against Drunk Driving is to stop drunk driving, support the victims of this violent crime, and prevent underage drinking. Thank you again for your support."

Fin.

Happy new year to you!

2008-01-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

So here we are in 2008, friends. My, how time flies!!

As I find myself happily back at work (ah, yes, I was here 4 days last week as well), I've been catching up on work-related readings. From jointogether.org, here is a report on what I think to be a money-wasting study:

Drinking Games, Themed Parties Increase Alcohol Consumption, Report Finds
January 4, 2008

Researchers who visited college parties to observe drinking patterns concluded that gatherings that featured drinking games or specific themes tended to result in more alcohol consumption.

The study from researchers at San Diego State University (SDSU) and the University of Michigan was based on observations and questioning of 1,304 young adults who attended 66 college parties.

"Most studies use survey methods that require people to recall their drinking behavior – days, weeks or months prior – and such recall is not always accurate," said J.D. Clapp, director of the Center for Alcohol and Drug Studies and Services at SDSU and corresponding author for the study. "By going out into the field and doing observations and surveys, including breath tests for alcohol concentrations, we were able to mitigate many of the problems associated with recall of behavior and complex settings."

"Both individual behavior and the environment matter when it comes to student-drinking behavior," added Clapp. "At the individual level, playing drinking games and having a history of binge drinking predicted higher [BAC readings]. At the environmental level, having a lot of intoxicated people at a party and themed events predicted higher [BAC readings]."

Clapp added that researchers also found that "young women drank more heavily than males at themed events. It is rare to find any situation where women drink more than men, and these events tended to have sexualized themes and costumes."

The study was published in the January 2008 issue of the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research.

Here is the link, if you want to check it out for yourself.

What?!??! Drinking games *increase* alcohol consumption??? You're kidding me!

What I actually can't believe is how TWO major universities took the time to do these studies!! Craziness. Maybe it's just an excuse for the researchers to get out and do a little partying themselves... Who knows?

Anyway, that's it for now. Life is good! :)

Here's my attempt to put in a photo of the article... (Yes, I have a bit too much time on my hands...)

MY year in pictures!!

2007-12-31T15:46:00.001-07:00

Here's a not-so-brief look at 2007... There are 37 photos, so bear with me here...

(Note: If you'd like to see the larger version of a photo, click on it!) :)

1.) Rock climbing was a big hobby of mine this year!

2.) Mary & Shawn got engaged!! (This is us at a celebration for them.)

3.) Sarah graduated from college! (Here are our parents at the ceremony.)

4.) I quit teaching after my first year. (This is a painting one of my former students did our last month of school.)

5.) I moved to a lovely little house...

6.) ...And got a new job! (Here's a photo, previously shown on this blog, of me on my first-ever overnight business trip to Winslow, Arizona!)

7.) My best buddy, Andrew, and I went to a friend's wedding in Colorado.

8.) My own sister, Katie, then got married!

9.) These days, it's rare to have the whole fam together.

10.) The wedding was beautiful and awesome.

11.) Mr. and Mrs. Knapp enjoyed some time with their niece, Claudia!

12.) I also acquired a kick-ass roommate (James) and kitty (Isaac, here with laser-eyes).

13.) James & I overwhelemed the living room with our colletion of books and movies.

14.) I learned that two high school friends of mine (Amanda & Maria) now live in Arizona, too!!

15.) Sedona, extremely close to my new home, proved a wonderful place to frequent.

16.) James introduced me to the drama class's costume room. Hehe.

17.) Our sage-like office printer offered words of wisdom.

18.) On a random trip to Albuquerque, I stopped to admire the annual hot air balloon festival. It was awesome.

19.) The weekend after Albuquerque, I hit up Vegas with a high school/college friend of mine (Joe), and we met some very nice strangers.

20.) I got to see my cousins and their respective children!

21.) James made our house's first fire of the year! :)

22.) On a spur-of-the-moment splurge, I flew to Cleveland for Thanksgiving, just in time for my niece, Claudia's, birthday.

23.) The four sisters posed with one very bored boyfriend.

24.) During Thanksgiving, I was also fortuante enough to see some good friends.

25.) My father showed his patience with my niece, Tabatha's, antics. (I can't help but find his expression here hilarious, considering how little Tabatha is.)

26.) I flew a lot (14 flights this year alone)!

27.) I also drove a lot (about 30K miles logged on my car)!

28.) Andrew got his first "real" job as a guidance counselor in Page.

29.) Meanwhile, we got mini basketballs to play with at my work.

30.) My new buddy, Jared and I, showed off some shades in a ghetto-fab store in Phoenix.

31.) Back in Cleveland, I got to see lots of friends again! :)

32.) Sarah and I kicked it with our nieces and our family.

33.) Yay, friends!

34.) And yay, more friends!

35.) I love my parents. :)

36.) Old college roomies get to bowl when we're all in town!

37.) Again, it's so awesome having good friends.

That's all! It was a crazy, eye-opening year, and I shall remember the important lessons I've learned.

2008, here I come!

Survey says...

2007-12-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

So I've been taking some online surveys to get some free stuff... The surveys are actually pretty cool. One time, they mailed me a new Progresso soup that I got to sample & report on. Good stuff.

Anyway, I took another survey today about Sure antipersperant/deodorant. Here are some excerpts:

[Prompt:] Describe the ad as if you were talking to a friend.

me: "Hey, Andrew."
Andrew: "Hey."
me: "So I saw this new ad for Sure deodorant."
A: "Really? Tell me about it."
me: "Well, it had this guy running in a train station, and the ad said 'u r not afraid of a morning jog' or something like that."
A: "And how was 'you are' spelled? Don't tell me it was like a text message."
me: "Oh, it was. They just used the letters ‘U’ and ‘R’ to represent the actual words."
A: "But you hate stuff like that, Ms. Grammar Queen!"
me: "I know, but upon further examination, I realized that if you took out the 'S' and 'e' in 'Sure,' you're left with 'u r.' Brilliant, really."
A: "Surely. So, what are we doing this weekend?"

[Prompt:] What does the phrase “Protect who U R” mean to you?

It means that the texting/internet culture has dominated over conventional use of the English language. Honestly, it's a bit disconcerting, but those who ignore change have to deal with it anyway.

season's greetings...

2007-12-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

... from my trash people. i'll share with you... though you may need to click on it to be able to read it. it's harmless, i promise:

happy holidays, all!! :)

Birthdays and Top 10 Lists

2007-12-13T12:51:00.001-07:00

First, I forgot to wish my momma a happy b-day!!! (Happy b-day, Momita!!)

Second, I'd like to list my New Year's resolutions... (There are quite a few.)

1.) Only hit the "snooze" button ONCE in the mornings.
2.) Spend 30 minutes or less on the computer at home each day.
3.) Take only 1 trip per month.
4.) Only eat out once per week.
5.) Pay off at least 2 times each credit card bill's monthly minimum each month.
6.) Clean house/room 15 minutes each day.
7.) Make good eating choices.
8.) Get more tutoring/work hours if possible.
9.) Find some way to exercise (even a little bit) every day.
10.) Do not do anything that is inconsistent with who you are.

So there.

Finally, since I'm into "top 10" lists lately, I'm going to make one for another situation in my life. You see, my roommate and I have not been able to get the heat turned on in our house yet (looong, stupid story). Thus, we've had to be creative with how we stay warm at night & in the mornings. Without further ado, my list:

You know it's too cold in your house when...

1.) Putting a Dura Log in the fireplace raises your thermostat by 7 degrees.
2.) You lay the cat on your stomach for extra body heat.
3.) You don't change out of the clothes you wore from the day because it'd be too cold to remove them and change into pajamas.
4.) Breakfast is eaten in front of the open stove, set to 400 degrees.
5.) You sleep with a robe, a hat, gloves, and a scarf on.
6.) Friends come over and never take their coats off.
7.) You brush your teeth by candlelight because of the added warmth.
8.) You warm up by drinking warm beverages and doing any exercises you can.
9.) You wake up with a headache from a night spent with chattering teeth.
10.) Work seems more appealing because there's heat at the office!

Ta da!! Good news, though: this problem should (hopefully!!!!!!!) be remedied tomorrow, should the gas & electric people get their acts together.

For now, adieu.

I'm bad at coming up with creative titles.

2007-12-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

So I've been listening to mainstream radio a lot lately... I've been trying to listen to NPR as much as possible, but there's only so much news I can take at once. Sigh.

Anyway, point at hand: there is a vast amount of songs that deal with men being crappy. Here are a few titles & artists that are presently played on popular radio:

-Who Knew by Pink
-Hate That I Love You by Rihanna
-Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
-U + Ur Hand by Pink

There are countless others, but those are the only examples I could come up with offhand. While looking up songs online, however, I noticed that there are some performed by male singers who were equally screwed over by ladies. Some examples:

-Wake-up Call by Maroon 5
-Over You by Daughtry
-Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer

Maybe people in relationships can be bad, regardless of gender. :P I was just surprised by how many "men suck" songs there were on the radio the past few weeks, and I thought I'd share.

In other news, I taught back at my old school yesterday (where I taught last year). It's good to be there just for a few hours at a time, and I love seeing my old kids & teacher friends. However, I was a little (wrongly???) disturbed by an occurence yesterday...

When I abandoned my classroom at the end of last school year, I left a note in the desk for the next occupant of my room. The woman who now teaches in my old classroom called me, thrilled to be in contact. I've come in (on my own time) to teach math lessons for fun. (Sick, huh??) Anyway, I've been doing weekly nutrition lessons in her class for the past few months. At first, it was totally weird being back in the room where I had the roughest year of my life. Now, fortunately, I'm used to it.

Well, last year, I gave probably 200% of my efforts to that school. (And I'd like to think that my 100% is a lot!) Toward the end of the year, my class & I worked on a community-wide silent auction/raffle/carnival to raise much-needed money for a crumbling playground. With contributions and event proceeds, we raised over $4,000. Though I had been hoping for more (I was going for $10k), I was still happy we raised a significant chunk of change.

So yesterday, while doing a lesson in the current teacher's room, I learned that the class was on the front page of the local newspaper. They had raised $150 for Unicef, which is awesome. However, my pride overcame me, and I was suddenly both saddened and angered that my class & I hadn't been recognized for all of our outstanding efforts, and we raised more than 25 times what this class did! With a slightly wilted ego, I proclaimed to the class, "Wow! That's wonderful that you were able to raise that money! Congratulations!" Inside, my spirits sunk, and I then did a relatively bland lesson. (I'm usually pretty spazzy when I teach, so this was a huge change.)

So after the whole day of teaching (6 classes!!!), I got to the car in kind of a funk. Do I *need* recognition for the things I do? It seems so! How disheartening. I thought I was above that, but I guess not. Don't get me wrong; friends, family, and coworkers have been outstanding at making my efforts seem worthwhile... but I guess I just wanted a newspaper article or something. Yuck. And you know, I've always seen people in magazines or on Oprah or whatever who had gone unrecognized for months, years, decades, until someone decided to share what they were doing with the world. I figured then that the most amazing people are humble and do not go in search of fame. This makes my realization (that I need recognition) especially painful. Sigh.

Anyway, I suppose that's it for now. The roommate & I have decorated the house with lots o' Christmas goodness. As soon as I find my dang camera cord, I shall share some of those photos on this blog. For now, peace.

Sympathy for our leaders...

2007-12-04T16:48:00.001-07:00

So I taught 4 classes today: two 8th grades, a 6th-9th combo, and a 4th/5th combo. Wowzas. I keep forgetting how draining it is to teach all day!!!

Anyway, driving back to work from my second set of classes, I had a brief rush of sympathy (and, to a degree, empathy) for the leaders of countries. (Yes, ladies and gents, this even includes our current head of state.)

I instantly recalled the feeling I'd have at the end of the day last year, after a full day of teaching... I was exhausted, drained, and unmotivated. All I wanted to do was go home, lie on the couch, watch a movie, and forget about things for 2 hours. Today, while it wasn't as bad, reminded me of that sense of sheer depletion. Oy, to be an effective teacher in today's age!!

However, as a teacher, you can take a break. You have the weekends (or part of them) to unwind; you get summers mostly off; you can even call in sick and/or attend a workshop now and then. Being a country's leader, on the other hand, is not so simple. You cannot "turn off" your term for a bit to escape. (Well, Bush seems to take quite a few vacations, but still...) It would be impossible to forget the awesome responsibility you have to society and the world. In a word, it would be maddening.

I suppose I'm just trying to say that I have a newfound respect and understanding of the world's leaders. Granted, I may not always agree with their decisions, but I can absolutely identify with a sense of being overwhelmed and tired to your core.

On this (random) note, I leave you to tutor some adult learners!! Ciao.

Turkey Day!!!

2007-11-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

It was really, really awesome. Here’s my story:

I booked a spur-of-the-moment ticket to Ohio on Tuesday (2 days before Turkey Day), and was on the phone with my sister, Sarah, when I did it. I was like, “Wooo hooo!!!” And then I realized that I booked my flight not to Cleveland, but to Akron/Canton (which is an hour out from Cleveland). Not bad, and it worked, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

On Thursday, my brother-in-law picked me up and we drove to my parents’ house. Part of the ride, we were cavorting and came up with a brilliant plan. It was executed thusly:

A street before my parents', at a stoplight, I got out of the passenger seat and ran into the backseat (I now call it an Ohioan fire drill). We got to my parents’ house, and I hid in the backseat while my bro-in-law went inside to join the rest of the family. Whilst in the backseat, I phoned my parents. My dad answered, and I didn’t think he’d fall for my plan, but I had to be cool, so we talked for a minute. “I really wish you could be here,” he said. I did all I could to keep from blurting out my secret. The phone was passed around, and I finally got my mom on the line. Our phone conversation is about as follows:

Me (Mb): “Hey, Momita! Happy Turkey Day!”
Momita (M): “Hi, precious! Happy Thanksgiving!! Oh, everyone’s here, I wish you could be too.”
Mb: “Awww, me too, Momma. Oh, that reminds me, did you get my package?”
M: “What package?”
Mb: “Oh, you didn’t get it? They guaranteed it and sent a confirmation and everything!!”
M: “No, I haven’t seen it.”
Mb: “Bummer! Would you please do me a favor and look outside? It’d really mean a lot.”
M: “Ok… I’ll give the phone to Sarah while I check.”
Mb: “Ok.”
Sarah (S): “Hola, Issima.”
Mb: “Hola, Issita. I’m here, executing Operation Black Hawk. Don’t tell. I’ll be there in a minute.”
S: “Ok, see you soon.”

In the meantime, I was running from the car to the house. I got there just as Momita opened the door. I opened my arms and yelled, “Surprise!!!” For a second, I don’t think she really comprehended what went on. Then she screamed at the top of her lungs, “OH, MY GOD!!!!” And she cried and jumped on me. Then my dad came over to see what the commotion was. As soon as he saw me, he yelled, too, and we all cried. Yay! It was totally worth the $400 it cost to get there. :)

So it was a really good visit. I saw friends, ex-boyfriends, and lots o’ family!! I finally got some quality time in with my nieces, which was great. I was very sad to leave yesterday. Surprisingly so. I even cried a bit, since it was so good to see everyone! However, once I was on the plane, I was looking forward to warmer weather and my kitty, so it was cool.

Actually, if I get around to it in the next few minutes, I'll post some photos... Stay tuned! :)

God bless Vicodin!!!

2007-11-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

So I'm in love. With Vicodin. But not in a bad way!!!

Here's my story:

I went to bed last night at a fairly reasonable hour (before midnight, anyway!). I've been sick for the past week, and the past three days have been awful.

Anyway, last night, I had SEVERE pain and pressure in my left cheekbone, jaw, and forehead. I was congested, and every time I coughed, it caused excruciating pain in my throat and chest. Owee!!

After an hour and a half of this misery, I did something I don't do as much as I once did: I prayed. I prayed to God/the Universe/my grandparents/whomever was listening. I wanted the pain to end!! I have no idea how people deal with migranes; I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Ouch!

I was kind of upset when my pain wasn't automatically alleviated, so I sat in bed and sulked for a while. Then, I finally stumbled to my computer to go to webmd.com, where I read enough to realize that I have a sinus infection. A rather nasty one, too!

"Well, self," I reasoned, "this thing ain't gonna cure itself. Off to the hospital!"

I drove my sorry ass to the local E.R., which is just a few miles from my house. At this point, it was about 1:30am. Within a mere hour (remarkably fast for the E.R.!), I walked out, diagnosis and prescriptions in hand. A nice doctor (who may not be so nice when I get the bills in a few weeks) confirmed my self-diagnosis of sinus infection. He sent me home with 3 prescriptions: one for an antibiotic, one to get rid of mucus, and ... yes, Vicodin.

Possibly the only other time I've come in contact with oxycodone is when I had my wisdom teeth out 5 years ago. However, this wonderful drug has let me get through a full day of work in virtually no pain!!

So I was thinking about it today: perhaps my prayers really *were* answered, somehow, somewhere. If the pain had just subsided last night, it would almost certainly be back today, and I'd be right back to where I started. However, the pain was so remarkably unbearable last night that I took actions to get it taken care of in the longer term. Score. So maybe I'm looking for something that isn't necessarily there, but maybe... it is.

That's all for now. One more hour, then I bust outta work for Turkey Day weekend!! :)

Oh, shenanigans...

2007-11-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty sick at the moment. Yesterday was particularly rough, so much so that I called off work. Yucky!!

Anyway, my roommate's been pretty cool as of late. On Sunday, we bought puzzles to assemble & eventually hang on the wall. Here's the current state of puzzle #1:

Perty, huh? It's *only* 1,000 pieces. Leave it to James to start with the hardest one!!

Second, James took it upon himself to get our fireplace goin'! He bought some (fake) logs, and we then had our first fire ever:

Score!! Then, last night, James took it upon himself to get me tulips (lovely!) and make a killer dinner, since he's leaving today for Thanksgiving break. (Lucky bastard.) It was awesome, even though I couldn't really taste anything and didn't have much of an appetite. Observe:

So, all in all, good roommate stuff in these parts.

Next topic: a recent positive experience I've had. We'll call it "mini church." So Sunday, there was this Mitzvah ("good deed") day throughout the area where I live. It was a day where all kinds of groups (religious, service, etc.) come together and volunteer for various projects. I helped wash windows at a senior living community, which was a lot of fun (even with a nasty cough and no voice!).

The whole day was started at a community Catholic church. While I can't say I'm a big fan of organized religion, there is something from it I miss dearly: a sense of community. Well, Sunday's "mini church" was just the ticket! At the kick off for Mitzvah Day, we all registered, ate food, and gathered in the church's pews for some singing and a quick blessing by both a rabbi and a priest. It was then off to do our volunteer work!

I couldn't help but think: this is how religious services should be!! Gather together to eat food, sing some songs, have a quick blessing, and then go out into the community to serve others. It was wonderful. If services were like that, I'd go all the time! What better way to celebrate and love than to go out and share your service with others! I left the church, refreshed, invigorated, and inspired. Perhaps I shall have my own religion. I may call it Awesometology.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Wanted to share some good news with y'all! :)

Something new

2007-11-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

So this is part 2 of my two-post day (see the previous entry for reference)...

Something unusual happened last night. I got home at 3:20am (not completely unusual, being recently out of college and all) after a night of dancing (again, not really out of the ordinary). What WAS different, though, was that I was the designated driver last night. Thus, I remained completely sober at a dance club.

...

For those of you who have not had the dubious honor of going dancing without drinking, it is an interesting experience.

First, let me backtrack. For the past few days, I've been pretty physically sick. At present, I have virtually no speaking voice. (This is almost unbearable for someone like me, who thrives on conversation!!) Anyway, a bunch of my teacher-friends from last year decided to have a girls'-only "slumber party." (This means, for my naive readers, a sex-toy party for girls.) Though I was sick, I had been looking forward to this get-together all week. After work, I sucked it up and drove 45 minutes back to the land that nearly took my soul (the town where I taught last year).

The party itself was a hoot! There were 8 of us gals (all but 2 of whom I worked with last year) and a (female) vendor. They had products for all sorts of things I'd never even thought of (e.g., a talc-based spray for use after bedroom antics to get rid of that dreaded "wet spot" on the sheets...). I even took a packet of information on being a vendor myself, for extra income and some girls'-only fun! I also had no idea how crazy some of these ladies were until I saw them in their element at our little gathering.

Anyway, after we had all placed our orders (everyone bought something!) and the vendor took off, it was decided that we were to go out dancing. The older teachers left, leaving the original "newbies" and a sister behind. At that point, I had only consumed a few drinks in a span of 4 hours, and had been guzzling water for the past hour. I was, hands-down, the soberest one there. To be sure, I waited another hour before we left, drinking water and munching the whole time.

At 11:15pm ("Oy, I'm getting too old for this," I'd thought), 4 of us piled into my little car and drove 45 minutes into the closest "big" city. I wasn't particularly keen on going, but I wanted to make sure that no one was driving drunk, so I agreed to be the DD for the night.

Lucky me.

Once inside the club, the 4 of us shuffled over to the dance floor. I was astonished by how difficult it felt for me to dance! I *love* dancing, alcohol or not, yet I felt pretty uptight and self-conscious at the club. All around the perimeter of the dance floor were collared-shirt-clad, crew-cut guys with drinks in hand, openly oggling the undulating female bodies. I couldn't help but think of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big, Bad Wolf. The dance floor itself was full of semi-conscious girls (and a few guys), moving ceaselessly.

I was also surprised by the pretense present in the club. When I think of "dancing," I think of it as moving to a rhythm with the sole purposes of having fun and getting some exercise. I do NOT equate it with fornication. However, I noticed numerous couples essentially having sex with their clothes on. Some of the moves were downright pornographic!! (I would give examples, but I'm trying to retain some sort of respectability on this blog...)

What came to mind next was, "My God, did *I* ever dance like this?!" It was a real slap in the face. The whole scene was nauseating to me, which added to my discomfort and inability to "shake it" on the dance floor.

My friends, all drunk, were having the time of their lives. I tried to keep up with their hip-thrusting and belly-dancing moves, but I felt at a loss. At one point, a guy came up behind me and started dancing with me. I screamed, startled. We danced a bit, me with no rhythm, him a swing dancer, and the dialogue was pointless.

I know this is obvious, but going out "dancing" seems to be an excuse for much less... wholesome things. It was disheartening but interesting at the same time.

However, there is a light side to this story. At the end of the night, the 4 of us gals were dancing in a circle and 2 guys joined in. We kept our circle formation, and went around showing off our "moves." That was actually an innocent, fun time! The guys were solely interested in dancing (as evidenced by their departure once a string of songs was over), and we were all laughing the whole time. Why can't dancing be like *that*??

Sigh. Anyway, the friends & I all made it home, safely and soundly. (They got home at 2:30; I at 3:15. Not fair!)

Hmm... I suppose I was just surprised by something that's seemingly obvious: the devious nature of the dance club.

C'est toute.

Yay for intellectual stimulation!

2007-11-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

I've got some recent "input" I'd like to share with you, readers! This will have to come in two installments, though, as these deal with two separate issues. This particular installment will focus on biology and warfare.

So I'm currently at the college, awaiting someone who needs tutoring help! My nametag, under my name, reads "Chemistry, Biology, Math, English, Spanish," telling tutees in which areas I may be of assistance. Well, I'm feeling pretty confident with my abilities in the last three subjects, but I've been trying to brush up a bit on chemistry & biology. As I haven't once had a student needing help in chemistry, I've decided to read up on biology for the time being.

Each time I crack open the bio book, I'm met with fascinating details of how the world around us functions!! Today is no exception.

I've long been fascinated with infectious diseases like Ebola and the hantavirus, and this fire has been well-kindled today by the trusty bio book we keep here. Unwilling to wade through chapters of terminology, I skipped right over to the "Human Infectious Disease" chapter, and OH, was it awesome.

For fun, I'm going to throw in a photo of the Ebola virus (courtesy of the CDC) and a photo of a HILARIOUS idea: a plush version of the virus (courtesy of warehouse23.com)!! :)

The Ebola virus, magnified a gazillion times:

The cute little plush version:

Anyway, back to the case at hand: viruses. Fascinating stuff, man!! They cannot live on their own (as they have no enzymes or cellular structure capable of reproduction), but they DO contain genetic material (RNA or DNA). That's insane. Anyway, they latch on to a "host" cell, which the virus then uses to make copies of itself. When enough (sometimes hundreds) of copies are made, they are released, which usually means the host cell bursts open. (The book notes that the host cell is usually destroyed in the viral replication process.)

Wow. And the parallels between this and warfare are crazy! Granted, I obviously don't have a strong background in pathology nor warfare strategy, but it might be interesting to point out the similiarities. There is one side (the "host" cell or country) who is going about its business, thinking everything's hunky dory. Another side (the invading virus or country) comes in (with or without conscious thought) and decides to take over the host. From there, the host is essentially defenseless. In time, the "weapons" deployed by the invader are much more powerful and plentiful than those of the host, and thus victory is inevitable for our invading friends.

Ok, so maybe it's not perfect, but it is interesting. And humanity's been having wars long since it knew anything about pathogens and diseases. I'm always intrigued when there are these seemingly parallel processes between the human and the natural world.

I also can't help but wonder: at what level does consciousness cease? A few weeks back, I was having a conversation with some fellow tutors. One was so baffled by half-lives; he was convinced that there must be some kind of consciousness within atoms to let them "know" when to die off. (What he meant was, how do half of the atoms in a given molecule "know" when to go, and others stay?) Maybe it's not that way at all, but who knows? So I can't help but think that maybe viruses and cells have a sort of consciousness that makes them "know" when to invade or fight or replicate. Hmm...

I hope this post isn't too incoherent, dear readers. As always, just some random thoughts. It all does factor in, however, to my curiosity about there being any kind of "objective" reality at all. Sigh...

Rest assured, though, that the post I'm about to compose is much easier to deal with. So there.

Ah, November...

2007-11-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm still feeling pretty restless, and this is exacerbated presently by the fact that I am alone in the office. There's a lot I *could* be doing, and I'll get to it momentarily, but... I dunno. I hate when apathy strikes. This time, it's in full force. Luckily, this is a 4-day week (due to Veterans' Day) and next week is a 3-day week (because of Turkey Day).

I'm still debating where I'd be most useful: with the health department, or in my own classroom. I just don't know. For the time being, I'm happy where I am, but there's still an annoying thought in the back of my head saying I could do more to help out. Oh, vell.

Anyway, I've been taking some time to catch up on people's lives (mainly through facebook and blogs)... It seems like most people are doing reasonably well. I found a hilarious list about being in 2007 that you may enjoy:

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3 . You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyoneis home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of thescreen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic andyouturn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting yourcoffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward thismessage.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 onthislist

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Hilarious! Ok, I'm gonna think of some more good stuff to write about and then I'll write it! Ciao for now.

a pause.

2007-11-07T22:28:00.001-07:00

so i think it's crucial to take a moment, every now and then, to reflect on things a bit. whether "things" means the day's occurrences, a former relationship, the happenings of the world... it's irrelevant. but i think it so necessary to think and analyze some aspect of life from time to time.

unfortunately, i do this dozens of times each day! i constantly think about the state of the world, love that died out, what could be in the future, and so forth. hm. in my head, that sounded a lot more unique. i suppose (and hope!) that most people are constantly analyzing the world and themselves.

in my personal finance class tonight, we had an insurance advisor come and speak. she was great, and seemed to be equipped with good moral fiber. however, during the course of her presentation, i became increasingly angry and saddened by the state of our health care system (not to mention the concept of "insurance" as it's carried out in the u.s.!). a person who NEEDS good medical care is hard-pressed to find it (affordably), yet those who don't really need it (like myself) get excellent coverage. sucky. i understand the (immoral) logic behind it, but it still sucks.

ok, to a completely different topic... love. love! love? (and for this little tirade, i'm talking about romantic, "in-love" sort of love.) lately, i haven't been so much a participant in love as an avid spectator, but i can't help notice the dramatic effects love has, even on the seemingly stoic. for example, i have a good friend who's generally got an ideal life: great job, decent living situation, excellent grasp on philosophy, morality, and so forth... but when it comes to love, my poor friend is completely lost! and this holds true for many people i've seen! whether or not they admit it, a lot of people really crave love. as stupid and mushy and cliche as it sounds, i think love IS what it's all about! (and i suppose HERE i mean any kind of love- familial, romantic, fraternal, etc.)

i mean, really. so simple, so intuitive. love. and don't even THINK about arguing with me. you know i'm right. :P

for now, i'm off to think some more, and then maybe get some sleep. i really must write more important things more frequently! good night. :)

Happy November!

2007-11-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

Good day, readers! I hope you're doing well.

First, as a complete and total aside, I was just re-reading this entire blog. I noticed some inconsistencies (e.g., soliciting comments, then taking it back, then soliciting again!), but I also realized something else... I'd mentioned 2 entries ago that I was going to send a philosophically-inspired e-mail to friends and family, in hopes of a great response. Though I can't always trust my memory, I'm pretty certain I *did* send out that e-mail (to maybe 20 people?), and NO ONE responded. Sigh.

Anyway, I've had some pretty cool experiences lately that have been completely altering my preconceived notions of some topics. I have been hanging with a gent who was in the military for over 8 years, and I've gained some amazing paradigm shifts from our conversations. Turns out you really *can't* sterotype a group, just based on one or two common characteristics. (I must admit, I was guilty of this at times.) No matter what their political persuasion, there are intelligent (and not-so-intelligent) people all around. So there. I'm growing up.

I've been noticing a kind of restlessness lately. At first, it seemed it was just among some of my friends, but I'm seeing it in the general population, too. I think we're so bombarded with concerns (e.g., global warming/pollution, debt, war, education, health care, and so forth) that we don't know what to do! I keep talking with my coworkers about how to go about making the world better... but it's not an easy task! I've been trying to start with myself (being the best person I can be and all that), but even in my own nature, I fall short of my aspirations. Seems self-control is a huge roadblock to some people (coughMEcough). Sigh.

Hmm... I'm even restless writing this entry!! I'm trying to think of writing something I haven't posted on this before, but it's very difficult. Ah, I can fortunately find solace in reading Sophie's World (even though I'm at the college, "tutoring"- but no students need help!!)... Anyway. My apologies.

I feel I should tell a story or a clever anecdote or something. Hmmm... Nope. Sorry. Nothing. For now, me voy (I'm going). Peace.

To everything a season...

2007-10-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

So I'm thinking that, at this point in my life, it's not so much a time of romantic love for me as it is for philosophy. Yes, that's right, friends. Philosophy. Me. I only wish I'd happened across it sooner!!

In large part, this new interest in philosophy stems from the AWESOME conversation I'd had in Albuquerque, then with subsequent friends. I am now fully engrossed in the book Sophie's World, which I couldn't recommend more. In fact, I spent this past weekend in Las Vegas with an old buddy of mine, who bought the book so we could discuss it. Thus, our entire Saturday afternoon was spent reading the novel and pausing to discuss it. Awesomeness and nothing short of it!

I suppose maybe I'll try dating again when the new year comes along, but not before then. For some reason, I'm not really into the whole idea of dating at the time. It seems I'd like to get my head on straight before attempting that again. So here we are.

In the meantime, friends, I leave you with a few questions directly from the novel:

1.) Who are you?
2.) Where does the world come from?
3.) What does it take to live a good life?
4.) Are we born with innate "ideas"?
5.) Is there a basic substance that everything is made of?

(As an aside, I think so much good can come from asking questions. After all, what is science if not the quest for answers?)

On philosophy, the Holocaust, and Albuquerque

2007-10-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

So I took a road trip to Albuquerque this past weekend, and WOW!, was it a great trip! Among other things, I met some REALLY cool people and went to the annual Balloon Fiesta (pictures to be posted as soon as I've uploaded them).

For me, the highlight of the entire weekend was a 4-hour philosophical conversation with two virtual strangers. I happened across a museum on intolerance and the Holocaust, and the ensuing conversation made the whole trip worthwhile. I'm still not entirely sure how it happened, but an older gentleman (age 67), a gent my age, and I entered into a rare discussion. We talked about it all: the nature of humans (for good and for ill), perception, the universe, philosophy, and so forth. Hmm... I wish I could say more about it. I shall, I suppose, when I'm more in the mood.

Out of all of this, though, two things occurred. First, I had an AMAZING selection of documentaries and books recommended to me. (I've already procured myself a copy of Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder! It's phenomenal so far!) Second, I've had an odd ephiphany...

... I want to teach again. In my own classroom. Not this school year (as it's already halfway through October), but I think I'd like to try it again. There are SO many opportunities to have an amazing impact, and I want to do all I can for humanity. After numerous conversations with others, I can't help but feel the rightful place for me is in the classroom. (Granted, I go to various schools a few times a week for 45-minute lessons, but it's really not the same.) We'll see.

For now, I'm going to send off a philosophical e-mail to my friends and family to see how they respond. I'll publish any interesting findings here. Ciao!

A rose by any other name...

2007-10-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

Quick story...

So this guy at work has been calling me Mary Jane lately. I guess it makes sense, since there's a gal in my office named Jane. However, it'd been kind of bothering me (I get called Mary Ann, Mary Lou, Mary... you name it all the time). Yesterday, said guy at work & I were at the copier at the same time. Our dialogue went like this:

Me: Good morning, Tim!
Tim: Morning, Mary Jane!
Me: Actually, it's Marybeth.
Tim: Oh, I'm so sorry! What was I calling you?
Me: Mary Jane.
Tim: Ah... That's probably becuase you work with a Jane.
Me: Yeah, it happens all the time. Don't worry about it.

... 5 minutes later... (as I'm leaving the copier area)

Me: See ya, Tim.
Tim: Later, Mary Ellen.

Sigh. :)

Groups: Some observations

2007-10-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

So my latest observation is that people (whether they like it or not) fall into groups. Republicans, Lutherans, African Americans, Tri-Delts, goths, teachers, intellectuals, astronauts, lesbians, obese, anorexics, diabetics, smokers, gamblers, hippies, and so forth.

These groups have many benefits:
-ongoing support (generally), as long as you're a member of the group
-immediate identifying factor(s)
-sense of belonging
-networking

They also have downfalls:
-can lead to justifying unhealthy behaviors
-can impede personal growth
-can instantly exclude others not in the group
-group membership may incorrectly label people (both in & out of the group)

I've been noticing people lately, and I'm starting to see "repeats." People I thought were so unique in high school and college now have carbon copies. (As I'm sure the people *I* knew were themselves carbon copies.) There was the group in high school of pseudo-intellectuals who'd dress in funky, cheap clothes and wear conspicuous eyeglasses. They'd usually have unkempt hair and would quote Marx and Nietzsche as if it were a multiplication table. Driving home from work today, I saw a girl who looked EXACTLY like one of these aforementioned pseudo-intellectuals. This morning, I saw two others.

I notice trends among child and adult alike. A group of people 20-30 strong WILL get antsy after 45 minutes, no matter what the age range. There WILL be conflicts between people who have more similarities than differences.

Also, I've been watching the Fox reality show (I know, I know... I swear I don't usually watch Fox!!) "The Academy." It's about Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office recruits, and it's fascinating. I've read some discussion boards, and the opinions are varied... Some feel the sergeants are too tough on the recruits, others feel they're not tough enough.

I'm seeing, though, that in any given group (be it sheriff's deputy recruits or 10-year-olds), a group dynamic will form. There will be natural leaders, natural jackasses, those who will submit to authoritative figures, and so forth. What I've also noticed, however, is that the "jackass"es and seemingly indifferent people are usually the ones with the most to deal with. Something made the hard outer shell at some point.

I dunno... maybe I'm not really talking about anything here. Hard to tell sometimes. :)

I'm always interested in hearing your comments & thoughts, though. Send 'em my way, if you're so inclined. Peace.

It's Wednesday, clearly.

2007-10-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I have an enemy and its name is Wednesday. Yes, folks, Wednesday. Here are some ways I knew that this particular Wednesday had it out for me:

-While preparing for my morning run, my iPod completely died. No music = no inspiration to run. So I walked for 30 minutes instead. In silence.

-When I got to work, I was extremely scattered. I eventually found the right keys to get to the back part of the building. However, once in said part, I forgot why I was there. Eventually, I remembered: to get coffee and make copies. On my second trip to "the back," a coworker called me Mary Jane. :P

-While home for lunch, I went to the bathroom. My cat walked in and peed on my bathmat!! (This is the second time he's done that... grrr...) No more of my bathroom for Mr. Neurotic Little Kittyman.

-Upon arriving at work, I saw some cars in the parking lot with those "Support our troops" magnets. I realized I hadn't noticed mine in a while, so I went to the back of my car to find my magnet. It's missing!!! Someone took my "Bless the World" magnet!!! :( There was a picture of it on my first entry here. :(

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ok, a new train of thought... There seems to be a trend in movies and books where a kid, with no special skills or abilities, somehow has something magical happen to him/her. I can't help but wonder: are we all kind of hoping that, through no fault of our own, we become something better than what we are? The message in these media is clear: have a good heart, and something amazing and magical will happen to you. I can't help but wonder...

I had an interesting T.A. at Ohio State when I was a wee college student. This man pushed me to write better, but was a total jackass in the process. He'd go off on tirades all the time about seemingly useless stuff. He was particularly perturbed by "Forrest Gump." He felt that no one, by sheer virtue of being a good person, could lead the life Forrest did. He (the T.A.) was enraged by the notion that by doing absolutely nothing extraordinary, one could have an extraordinary life. ("What's the point of working hard, then," he'd bemoan. Maybe he was just having a grad-school-life-crisis.) However, this T.A. was incredibly smart, and I did my best academic writing EVER... in that class. Go figure.

Hokay. I think that's about it for now... Wednesday craziness: check. Good-person/good-life dilemma: check. Peace out, children.

Grass is greener??

2007-09-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

This has been a most interesting week... I had several self-imposed "blasts from the past," and I'm left confused and slightly saddened. I taught at my old school on Wednesday for 5 hours, and I loved it. I saw almost all my old students, who were psyched to see me (and I them). It was bittersweet, indeed! However, after just 5 hours of teaching, my throat was sore, my feet were in pain, and I was pretty tired. I forgot how much straight teaching takes out of you! However, it was a good experience.

Today, I went to an AWESOME conference on adolescent brain development. Four other gals from my department came, and it was great. Except for the fact that an unexpected guest (my ex) also attended. Shocked the crap out of me!

Anyway, I've been thinking: how does one become grateful for what one has? I've been plagued with what I call the GIGS ("grass is greener syndrome") since I was a teenager. I want to "kick the habit," so to speak, and I'm not quite sure how to go about doing it. Time's flying, life is good... but there's this persistent little part of me that wants to cling to the past! Why!??

Hm. In other news, "The Office" season 4 premiere was on last night... It was great! Unfortunately, I missed 15 minutes of it (grrr)... Hm.

I always start these "entries" with the best of intentions & ideas, but they get lost somewhere between my snapses and my fingertips. Go figure. For now, I sign off, ready for a fun weekend of working (which I'm actually loving) and friends! Ciao!

On Russia, animals, and politics

2007-09-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

So apparently Russia's quite the interesting country this week! Not only does its President (Vladimir Putin) name a new Prime Minister (Victor Zubkov), but it also claims to have the "dad of all bombs." That's right: Russia built a huge honkin' bomb that is much bigger and badder than the United States' "mother of all bombs." In case you want the details on how much better Russia's bomb is than ours, here's the article.

In other news, I'm actively looking for a cat (or two) to make life a bit more enjoyable. I really, really miss my two kitties (one ran away before I moved, and I had to take the other to a Humane Society when I moved). I may try getting my original cat back, but I'm really trying to get a FREE cat (or two), including shots.

ANYWAY, I was on craigslist, and there is a LOT of whacked-out stuff about animals. There is one family who wrote an entire blog about their dog... it's got a LOT of drama and a LOT of details... it's actually almost annoying. Here, decide for yourself! :P

Ay, ay, ay, people! In other news, I was talking with my coworkers today about politics. We're pretty much on the same (liberal) page politically, which seems surprising in a small-ish town in Arizona. We were talking about U.S. presidents: the good, the bad, and the ugly. One coworker openly disdains all politicians; another is very decided on her stances; my boss is relatively closed-mouthed on the topic; I am admittedly underinformed (aren't we all??). Anyway, we were talking for a while, and agreed that politics are quite frustrating; the more you read, the less you really know for sure. The less you know for sure, the less you feel you are able to do about certain situations. This all, of course, can easily lead to apathy. I've always been astounded at how EASY it is to remain apathetic about anything political (in the U.S.).

I suppose I'll just keep doing the best I can.

A bit of joy for you!

2007-09-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

So things here are happy & relatively busy. Here are some hilarious/adorable cat pictures for you!! :) For some reason, they get partially cut off... sorry about that. I'll try to figure out how to fix it. The original source is icanhascheezburger.com, if you're interested!

Oh, and I'm thinking of adopting a cat (or two). Fortunately, the roommate's on board. :)

Also, it appears that it's 9/11 today... Six years since the tragedy. Perhaps (if you're so inclined) take a moment to send a nice thought (or prayer, if you're of that persuasion) to the families of all those involved.

Without further ado, the cats:

On America

2007-09-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just a few thoughts...

First, I was disheartened (though not entirely surprised) by Ms. South Carolina:

Having taught last year, I am now much more aware of the apathy and ignorance that plague many schools. While I'm sure there are myriad reasons why this is (lack of parental support, apathetic/ignorant teachers, media, etc.), I'm trying to figure out what can be done. It's hard to fight an uphill battle when you're one of the few.

Also, I'm currently reading John Steinbeck's Travels with Charley: In Search of America.
It's absolutely PHENOMENAL, and I love it. I wish that I could make the careful observations he does about people and areas. Sigh.

Anyway, in the book, Steinbeck notes that America's identity is slowly becoming streamlined. He suggests that regional "personalities" are disappearing in lieu of a more national identity. (Keep in mind that this book was written in the early '60s.) He says that, because of mainstream radio and television, regional dialects and accents are being erradicated, and there is more of a push for homogenous speech. Only in the Deep South and the East Coast are accents really noticeable anymore, Steinbeck observes. Interesting... and I'm inclined to agree. When I moved to Arizona, I'd assumed it'd be like a different country- new geographical region, perhaps a specific (and different) dialect... But no! Arizona is comprised largely of Mexicans and Midwesterners. Go figure.

So, otherwise, life is good. Wednesday and Thursday, the coworkers and I went to an awesome conference in Phoenix... We stayed at a POSH resort, and it was incredibly awesome. The 17th Surgeon General (Richard Carmona) was the keynote speaker, and there were numerous other really good speakers as well. Wednesday night, we went to the attached water park for several hours, had margaritas, and basically relaxed. See the pics to follow! :)

<< The Surgeon General (center, with the black tie)... SUCH a good speaker! :)

The water park at the awesome resort where we stayed!!

>>Some gorgeous palm trees at the resort

A shocking realization...

2007-08-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

Brace yourself, kids... I was sitting down at work today, looking at my first homework assignment for my personal finance class. We had to create three lists: "Why I want to learn how to manage my finances better," "The Positive Things in my Life," and "Rewards for Reaching Goals [that DON'T include spending money]." Wow. So I've completely finished the first two lists, easily and quickly. I like to think of myself as a generally happy, appreciative person. While I was working on the second list ("Positive Things"), I realized something...

I'm happy.

Like, I'm very happy with my life. I have nothing to complain about, no real stresses. This hasn't happened in a long time (especially with teaching last year). Here's my list (in no real order):

The Positive Things in my Life:

1.) My health (solid, good, improving)
2.) My family (loving, supportive, kind, thoughtful)
3.) My desire to learn (about people, various aspects of life, etc.)
4.) My relationship (loving, fun, respectful, fulfilling)
5.) My living situation (me & cool roommate in a cute, affordable house)
6.) My job (low-stress, interesting, great coworkers)
7.) My friends (supportive, fun, thoughtful, kind)
8.) My education (Master of Education, teacher certification, etc.)
9.) My desire to better the world (through job, volunteering, & donating)
10.) My life in general (no real complaints!) :)

Yay!! So yeah, the idea of happiness has been sneaking up on me lately, but now it's nearly full-fledged. I'm. Happy.

Last night, after class (which got out over an hour early), I went for a drive to a nearby little town. I was struck by a gorgeous (albeit freaky) moonrise over the mountains, so I had to pull off somewhere and enjoy it. The moon was pretty low & orange, so it looked like a night sun. Eerie, but fascinating and beautiful. So I found an empty side street and parked (ironically enough, it was in the driveway of a massage school... go figure!). I got out of my car and sat on top of the trunk. (Is there a name for the back part of a car??) I thanked (God? the universe??) for my life and all the good stuff in it. In return, I got a nice little shooting star. It was very peaceful and affirming.

It's also nice to be busy again. Work's good- on and off busy, with conferences out the wazoo! Tutoring & class started this week, and community band starts in less than two weeks.

Also, it seems my friends and family are getting new beginnings as well! My friend, Andrew, FINALLY got a job as a school counselor!! I'm helping him move this weekend (which, incidentally, also encompasses his birthday), and then he starts next week! My sister, Sarah, FINALLY booked a ticket to England to begin her graduate studies in theatre production. While her thing isn't quite 100% yet, it's getting there. I'm PSYCHED for Andrew & Sarah... seems their times of waiting are over!! Yay for new beginnings! :)

Hokay, that's about it for now. Life is good!

Lately

2007-08-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Wow... I was listening to my Alanis Morisette CD at work (Jagged Little Pill- old school!), and I for the first time EVER heard the hidden track "Your House." Holy crap! It's tragic and beautiful AND a capella... gorgeous!

Here are the lyrics (they're a mix of various sites' lyrics; I had to correct some):

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
Opened your door without ringing the bell
Walked down the hall
Into your room where I could smell you

And I shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here...

Would you forgive me, love, if I dance in your shower?
Would you forgive me, love, if I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me, love, if I stay all afternoon?

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers
And I found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CDs
And I played your Joni

And I shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
Shouldn't stay long...

Would you forgive me, love, if I danced in your shower?
Would you forgive me, love, if I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me, love, if I stay all afternoon?

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said: "Hello, love.
I love you so, love.
Meet me at midnight."

And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me, love, if I cry in your shower
So forgive me, love, for the salt in your bed
So forgive me, love, if I cry all afternoon

[fin.]

Wow.

On another note, I attended my final smoking cessation class last night. Sigh. I'll miss it quite a bit; I learned SO much each time! Last night's quote of the evening:

"Triggers are tough, man... triggers are tough." -Lila*

(*Name has been changed. "Lila" is trying very hard to quit smoking, and has already cut down to about half of what she's accustomed to smoking.)

That's about it for the time being... Life gets busy now: community band on Monday nights, tutoring on Tuesdays and Thursdays, class on Wednesday nights, and tutoring again on Saturdays for 4 hours. Work's also picking up (thank goodness!!), so that's good news. A busyMb is a happyMb.

Ciao for now!

On addiction and nostalgia

2007-08-24T12:00:00.001-07:00

First, I'm rockin' a pretty new caffeine addiction. This morning, after mooching some of my roommie's coffee (he usually makes enough for both of us, but didn't today for some reason), I headed into work. After setting my stuff down on my desk, I immediately went to the breakroom to see if there was any extra coffee... Oh, there was. I instantly filled the rest of my travel mug, and was set for the day! However, the upside (right now) is that I am doing quite well with 6-7 hours of sleep at night, provided I have my daily caffeine fix. (And I'm drinking about a cup a day, so it's not bad... yet.)

As far as nostalgia goes, well, I'm really good at letting it affect my mood frequently. I tend to dwell on relationships and situations of old (I think I'd mentioned this in a previous entry), and yesterday was no exception. I went to my old "haunt," the area where I lived and taught the past year. SO weird!! I had dinner with my friends (former coworkers of mine), and we had a blast. We then went over to the elementary school's open house... it was like "The Twilight Zone" for me!! Within 5 minutes of arriving, I saw one of my (secret favorite) former students. He came running up to me, excited! (He's a very masculine little kid, so I'm always awed when he shows a great deal of emotion.) I got a huge hug and a card he wrote out for me. SO awesome! All in all, I saw 11 of my former students, and we were all psyched to see each other. I served punch & cookies as well -alone, mostly- and a lot of shocked parents came to say hello. It was a nice evening, though I couldn't help but leave with some pangs of sadness. I assured the kids and the current staff that I'll be back to visit. In fact, the woman who now teaches in my room (who's awesome!) wants me to come in and do a lesson with her class. Schweet.

I've come up with an analogy for my nostalgia... I'm driving (down the road of life, perhaps?) and, due to drivers' training, I'm accustomed to checking my rearview mirror frequently. I notice cars and a distorted reality behind me constantly, and am mostly aware of what's going on in front of me. There are signs along the way that warn and provide information/advice, though I neglect some of them. At one point, I'm so distracted by the traffic behind me that I can't stop looking in the rearview, fascinated. However, I don't notice the cars ahead of me that have come to an abrupt halt. You can guess what happens: a nasty crash from focusing on what's behind me. There. Analogy complete. :)

Ok, that's about it for now. Have a great weekend, readers! :)

Late-night thoughts...

2007-08-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

... So I'm a bit peeved and sad.

I saw "Superbad" and "The Invasion" this past weekend, on separate occasions. "Superbad" was just that... super bad. It was mostly awful. It completely condoned the teenage pursuit of alcohol and ass. This wouldn't be a problem, had I not been working for the health department. I'm constantly bombarded with disturbing stats about teenage pregnancies and the fatalities (and addictions!) that occur because of irresponsible underage drinking. Grrr. Stupid, all of it. And the critics loved it. I was ready to leave the theatre at numerous points. Police officers were VERY crudely portrayed (like they don't get enough crap from the general public), idiocy was rewarded time and again, the profanity obscured the asinine speeches of the mediocre cast... I should stop.

Anyway, I rather enjoyed "The Invasion," which was torn a new one by critics. I actually thought the message portrayed in the film was provocative and well-presented. Just me. The general theme? Is our way of life really worth fighting for? Reminiscent of Stephen King's recent Cell. Interesting messages, at the very least.

Next topic: older women preying on younger men. I'm sick of it. I think it's gross and wrong. On numerous occasions (the most recent case being today), I've seen older (middle-aged), childless women prey on men about half their age. It seems predatory, and I definitely question the motivations of these ladies. I don't have such an issue with older men and younger women, probably because it's deemed more socially acceptable... I dunno. Am I wrong here? Who's to say?

Next: Today, I visited the school where I taught last year... SO weird! I went with 2 other County workers to pitch some of the programs we offer (physical activity and nutrition education). I saw several familiar faces, and was very warmly received. It was an ego boost, for sure. So much so, in fact, that I'll actually be returning tomorrow night for their open house. Love it... can't WAIT to see my former students. I miss them a great deal.

Finally, what's up with me reminiscing about the past? Relationships, jobs, situations all seem better when they're gone. I was in a minifunk today because of the immense nostalgia I experienced for times past. So bizarre.

Anyway, one more funny animal picture, then I'm off to bed!

Eh, pretty accurate.... :)

2007-08-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

Some thoughts

2007-08-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm now writing to you, faithful readers, as a new 24-year-old. Of course, I don't feel at all different, and wonder if I ever will. I suppose it's all life-stage stuff (e.g., high school, college, real world, marriage, etc.) that makes one seasoned, not age itself.

Yesterday for my b-day, I came into work (a bit late- oops) to find a stapler on the middle of my desk. In Jell-O. It was awesome. If that means nothing to you, you clearly don't watch "The Office," the best series on TV! Here's how it was done on the show:

I took pictures also with my camera, so I'll upload my coworker's rendition when I get the chance. Sheer hilarity! The whole thing definitely made my day start on the right note. (Update: 8.20.07: Here is a photo of *my* Jell-Oed stapler!!)

The rest of the b-day was mellow... Got flowers from the fam & the new man, then I had a splitting headache for 4 hours. Go figure. Perhaps it's due to my new caffeine consumption... My roommate makes enough coffee in the morning for me to have a cup, so I've been partaking. Yesterday, I did not. I then had the excruciating headache. Related? I hope not, but just to be on the safe side, I had a cup this morning. No headache yet.

I'm feeling a little out-of-place at work today. The past few days, it kind of feels like my coworker (of the Jell-O/stapler fame) and my boss have ben taking some digs at me. I mean, it's all in good humor, and I throw it right back, but I'm wondering if my boss actually *likes* me or not. I've been backing off on the grammatical correcting, I've been trying to keep my oddball comments & ideas to myself... I dunno. I'm sure it'll pass, but I kind of feel out of the loop at the moment.

Interestingly enough (and I may have mentioned this), I'm missing being in the classroom. Well, having my own classroom. It's weird, because I was sooooo miserable teaching last year! And it is kind of nice to not have to go back to that whole thing right now, but we'll see. Sigh.

In other news, it seems many states & countries are having trouble deciding what to do about underage drinking. New Zealand dropped their drinking age from 20 to 18; the UK is considering raising their age from 18 to 21. New Hampshire is trying to crack down on its underage laws, with disputed success. I've attended some conferences here in Arizona, where we're starting to seriously address the problem of underage drinking. Honestly, I've got mixed feelings about it; I certainly drank underage in my college years, though I understand that alcohol (and any drug) can certainly be a reason for national concern.

Anyway, that's about it for now. In an hour, I'm off to tutor training for the community college! :) I start tutoring in less than two weeks, and I'm psyched! Yay for (a little) extra money and intellectual stimulation! Yay for getting my foot in the door to be an adjunct faculty member! :) Ciao for now, world.

"Dear John"

2007-08-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

"Dear Nic,

I'm writing you a letter that I may never send. You see, I can't have any contact with you right now. When I said goodbye, I meant it. But there are times when the thought of you is overwhelming. And so I think it will help for me to be completely honest with myself.

I must confess that I became dependent on you. I believed that I could not bear to feel my loneliness. Instead, I always turned to you. And with you around, I never did anything about it. I didn't bother to reach out to others, to develop more healthy relationships. I got wrapped up in my own little world, just you and me and my fantasies that things would get better some day.

But the truth is, things didn't get better, because I lost touch with my real feelings. I had nothing to motivate me.

You seemed to satisfy all of my desires.

Now I realize that I gave away my power to you. I convinced myself that you held the solution to all of my problems. In fact, I went into denial. My perceptions of reality became distorted. I confused quenching the uncomfortable feelings with actually dealing with the source of them and taking action on my own behalf.

I am taking this power back now. I am learning how to accept my feelings. I am learning how to face reality without you.

And I see you for what you really are. A false friend. One who would take my very life force away from me. One who will abandon me in the end, no matter how long I try to hang on to you. It's a harsh thing to say, but that is not nearly as harsh as the toll you have taken on my health.

I am glad to finally feel the anger that I used to suppress about our relationship. I've been through the terror of losing you and the agonies of withdrawal and I'm stronger for it. I've accepted that I might have moments of confusion and self-doubt, and learned that they don't mean that I have to go back to you.

Now that I've finally gotten you out of my system, I have a choice. And I exercise that choice with pride and reverence. I never want to take my freedom for granted. So, like the song says:

Go, walk out the door
Just turn around now,
'Cause you're not welcome anymore...
I will survive!"

=====

This letter is from a former smoker to her "false friend," Nic(otine). I think it's very well-written, and definitely drives certain points home.

I attended my first ever smoking cessation class last night, and it was awesome! :) The facilitator is a hypnotherapist, and is absolutely fantastic. A non-smoker herself, she was able to convince the class that she was, in fact, a good person to teach the class. (This is her fourth year conducting the group, and she's helped smokers in her practice for about 20 years now.)

A total of 19 smokers showed up last night, and it was fascinating. While the first night is just paperwork and introductions, it provided me great insight into these people's experiences. When I was younger, I used to think that smokers were "bad" people because their "selfishness" hurt those around them. Now I see that that's not the case. These are normal, everyday people who happened to make a few bad choices and now are battling an addiction.

During the introduction, everyone was to say his/her name, how long s/he had been smoking (and how much is smoked per day), potential barriers to quitting, reason(s) to quit, and his/her motivation (on a scale of 1-10) to quit. Of the 19 people, 5 were at a "10" for their dedication to quit. There were 13 females and 6 males altogether. Almost all of them had been smoking for about 30 years. (The two exceptions were two gals under 35. One started smoking in high school, and the other when she was 12.)

Reasons to quit were numerous, but there were some popular answers... diseases/illness/doctor mandate, smell on clothes, expense, lack of social acceptance, lack of community of smokers, feeling helpless, having children, other problems exacerbated by smoking, new smokefree laws, and so forth.

The most popular potential roadblocks to quitting were: stress, mornings (especially when first getting out of bed), coffee, alcohol, and the nighttime ritual of smoking.

A lot of people said they don't even *like* smoking anymore; they do it sheerly out of habit/addiction. It was really fascinating, and I'm excited to attend the next classes.

When we went around introducing ourselves, I had to "out" myself as a non-smoker. I explained that I work for the Health Department, and I was there to learn the ropes from the current facilitator. I said (honestly) that I wished I *had* been a smoker at one point, just so I could know what these people were enduring.

At the end of the class, I had a dialogue with the woman sitting next to me. She's on her 3rd attempt to quit (which is really common; few people are able to stay quit their first time). She said that she had joined the Navy and was given cigarettes continuously, for free, from the Service. Additionally, I learned, smokers were often given breaks, where non-smokers weren't. It seems our lovely military must've cut some sort of deal with Big Tobacco to addict servicepeople by the hundreds. It worked.

Anyway, I'm just astounded at what I've learned. I'm just now starting to understand the true nature of addiction. Seeing it firsthand (but not personally) sure helps!

In the world today...

2007-08-13T10:50:00.001-07:00

So I've been reading up on the news today!! Holy awareness, Batman! Here are some things I found particularly interesting:

1.) How to act with Iraqis while in their land

2.) As cigarette taxes increase, smoking rates drop!

3.) Texas will most likely hit 400 death row executions (since 1984) this month.

4.) Chinese toy company CEO hangs himself after recall of nearly 1,000,000 toys.

5.) A BLIND drunk driver is caught... again.

6.) A patient bleeds green blood!

Madness! My sources for the day: npr.org, jointogether.org, reuters.com, cnn.com, and bbc.co.uk :)

Test your knowledge!!

2007-08-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm (slowly) trying to learn all the countries of the world. (And by the time I'm done, I'm sure 3-4 names will have been changed!) I've found a cool site (www.enchantedlearning.com) where you can do printable, fill-in-the-blank maps. Let's try Africa today, shall we? See how many countries you can name:

Hard, eh? On my first try, I was able to name 2. Two. I can now name about 6. I figure, hey, that's a huge increase! I'll get there. Someday.

Now, if you still need help, see the bottom of this entry for the first letters. Later on, if you're nice, I'll post the answers in full. Or you can find them on your own... up to you!

In other news, life is good... I turn 24 on Wednesday, oh joy, oh rapture. I'm not all that excited about it, though I think 25 will be cool. Then I'll stop aging altogether.

What else? Um, lately, I've had pangs of ... I'm not sure what... about teaching. I kind of miss it, but I remember how miserable I was while actually teaching. Oh, sigh. But I do miss those really good days... Suppose I should go back and read my own blog about it to recall how reality was.

Ok... let's see if there's enough space now to post the pic of the Africa map with hints...

Oh, and you want the full answer key? Go here to check it out. There, I was nice.

Hmm... I think that's about it for the time being. Overall, life is good, so I definitely can't complain! :)

A bit better now...

2007-08-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

... So work picked up a bit today. I'm getting certified as a cessation treatment specialist to help people quit smoking! :) It's really fascinating stuff, and it involves a lot of psychology. I'm gonna have to hit up my more psychologcially-inclined friends now, it seems. I'm doing the online portion of the training now, and eventually I'll get the face-to-face training as well. Also, I'll be attending another lady's cessation classes on Monday nights. Should be fun!

Just an update that things are better today. That's usually the case... if you have a rotten day, just get to bed as early as possible, then make the next day a good one! :)

What I know for sure...

2007-08-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

This title was taken from Oprah's "last word" at the end of each of her magazines. I was thinking about what I *do* know for sure, and it doesn't seem to be very much.

Are all the things I hold to be truths actually so? Am I deluding myself more often than I'd like to believe? How, exactly, does one determine what is true and what is not? Where do scientists and analysts get their data, and how reliable is it?

In undergrad, I had the dubious honor of writing a thesis (complete with a study and all that). For this, I had to read a LOT of research. Hundreds of articles, actually. From all that reading, I learned that the more I read/"learn," the more I see how much I don't know. That is to say, I'm not sure what to believe anymore.

It is made very clear in late childhood/mid-adolescence that some so-called truths (e.g., the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa, and so forth) are, of course, lies. Where does it stop? Are we as a human race so fixed on the idea of someone "judging" us so we don't have to do it for ourselves? Is it easier to believe in magic than to accept only what we can directly observe? (Gosh, I feel like Carrie on "Sex & the City," inquiring about things I can never really answer.)

What I did learn, though, is that I should not solicit comments on my blog. First, I got no relevant comments (just a repeated one in Portugese that doesn't even pertain to the topic I had presented), and second, this blog should be for my own gratification, really. Readers, if there is a pressing issue or comment you'd like to make, I encourage you to feel free to do so on this site. However, I will no longer go searching for your thoughts. So that's that.

I've been watching Penn & Teller's "Bullshit" series (one) on DVD. It's interesting stuff. The premise is that they go around and "de-bunk" ideas/beliefs held by some of the general population. (In particular, they've gone after self-proclaimed mediums/psychics, alien "abductees," and so forth). However, the whole program has made me wonder where statistics come from. Working for the health department, I have facts and figures thrown at me all the time. Of course, the purpose of the stats I see is to persuade others to adopt a healthy lifestyle, but I just can't help but question the validity of these numbers.

Also, as my last week as a 23-year-old, I'm questioning what, exactly, I want from life. Is the whole get-married-have-kids thing little more than a ploy to produce more consumers, or is it more pure than that? Do I want to stay in traditional female roles (esp. working far below the earning potential of men with my education), or do I want to "step up" to a higher position? Should I venture into the corporate world, uncertain of my true motivations, or stick with helping people while making a modest salary? What kind of impact do I want to have on the world, and how can I do it? What should I strive for while I'm alive? What do I need to be fulfilled?

Sorry. I suppose I'm merely at a quarter-life crisis in my life, and I'm confident it will pass. Eventually. Then it'll be midlife crisis time! :)

For now, I shall complete my day of "work" (which, today, is consisting of killing time before heading home). I actually *miss* teaching. I felt that, although I was drained physically and emotionally, I was at least making a difference. I can't really say the same at my current job. Grass is always greener, eh?

(Oh, and as an aside, I didn't mean for this entry to end on such a seemingly negative note... I just am trying to sort things out, and I often find that that's easier to do when I have something written upon which to reflect. Fear not, kind reader; I'm still generally happy and fulfilled with life. It's just a time to question the status quo and whatnot. Peace!)

Oh, oh, it's magic...

2007-07-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

So I got back late last night from a trip to Las Vegas. All in all, it was a pretty cool trip, and the highlight was seeing Penn & Teller! :)

I had no idea about the biases and political persuasion of the duo, and I had chosen to see the show merely because I knew of its "magical" and comedic properties. I respect Penn & Teller a great deal now, though I cannot help but meet some of their suppositions with a bit of skepticism. They "debunked" some of the techniques psychics/mediums (media?) use when "reading" people, including hot reading and cold reading. Since I am as of yet undecided about my stance on the supernatural, I was a bit upset by the allegations that all such material is completely bogus. I like to think myself reasonably intelligent (if not incredibly forgetful), so it's frustrating to think that I've been "duped" by people who claim to have extrasensory perception.

I'm curious, faithful readers, as to your take on such things. I've wanted to be open to spirituality, religion, and so forth, but find it increasingly difficult. Do you think that there is some basis (however small) for "supernatural"/"ethereal"/"spiritual" beings and events, or is all a hoax? Do you think that there are actually people who can communicate with the dead, or are we being tricked by our own vulnerability? How should be trusted to make sound decisions of something that is hard to truly prove one way or the other? Any thoughts or comments are welcomed; in fact, I'd love it if you (a stranger, friend, acquaintance, whomever) would comment on this issue. A lot of people feel very strongly (one way or the other) on such a topic; what do YOU think?

To close, I shall leave you with my pictures of Penn, Teller, my friend, and myself. (They were REALLY good about meeting audience members after the show for some free PR!) :)

Me with Penn, the verbose member of the duo. He was most friendly and was great with the crowd!

My friend, Charlie, and me with Teller, the mostly silent member of the two.

Props!!

2007-07-26T15:45:00.001-07:00

So hats off to my buddy for sending me these links:

1.)
Check out this article! Madness.

2.) NASA's Astronomy Picture of the Day! Gorgeous! :)

On a brighter note...

2007-07-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

So I meant to post some pictures yesterday of my sister's wedding this past weekend. It was a lovely affair and truly inspiring. It, shockingly enough, renewed and reaffirmed my faith in love.

Without further ado, the pictures:

(my hair for ze wedding)

(my sister's hair)

(my sister with my dad... i love it!)

(sisters and the photographer's arm!)

(the ladies of the bridal party: bridesmaids in purple and honorary bridesmaids in black)

(my sis & me in the "bridal party's ladies' prep room"

(ze couple, professing the awesomest vows i've ever heard)

(my family!! and my mom's eyes were shut in all these pics, so i just picked the best one.)

(i like this pic, b/c it's the whole family, but it's not perfect... except my dad & bridesis, are doing other stuff. i'm also playing with the formatting of pictures.)

(my sis w/ our niece, tabatha. i love this picture.)

(the entire bridal party, complete with my ex! [he's the last guy on the right.] it was cool, though.)

(the happy couple, slicing ze cake!)

(my sis's rockin' new ink... gotta love it!)

(me & my good friend, joe, in the midst of 2-hour-long dancing!!)

I wrote a song!!

2007-07-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm kinda bummy today, but I know it'll be cool eventually. However, in light of recent events, I've written a blues song!! :) I had initially googled "how to write a blues song," and got much helpful advice, but I decided to do it on my own.

While listening to John Mayer, I drafted this bit of bluesyness:

I got the blues….
Oh, I got the blues…
I’ve got the lover-turned-friend-turned-nothing-for-no-real-reason blues.

Walked down my street,
On the phone last night
Wonderin’ what he was thinkin’
“Doin’ what is right.”

Oh, I got the blues…
Yeah, I got the blues.
I’ve got the different-opinion-frustrating, gut-wrenching, stupid-feeling blues.

Been goin’ through this
For almost half a year
Just wonderin’ why
He let love lose to fear

Sayin’ I got the blues…
Oh, Lord, I got the blues…
I’ve got the grown-man-actin’-like-a-scared-child-breakin’-my-heart blues.

[Awesome harmonica break, fade to end]

Fin.

Yay! I think. Granted, it's nothing special, but I find a blues song particularly helpful when dealing with life's heartbreaks. Try it sometime; it's actually pretty therapeutic.

Also, I can't help but love John Mayer's album from last year (Continuum). Plus I saw him in concert last month (awesomeness!!). Here's "Dreaming with a Broken Heart," a lovely song worthy of checking out:

When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part

You roll out of bed and down on your knees
and for a moment you can hardly breathe,
wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?

No, she's not
'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The giving up is the hardest part

She takes you in with her crying eyes,
then all at once you have to say goodbye,
wondering could you stay, my love?
Will you wake up by my side?

No, she can't
'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?
Would you get them if I did?

No, you won't
Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part.

Why? Because I can.

2007-07-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

So I'm at work, and am still completely LOVING the job! I initiated my first meeting today, and it was great! I'm revamping a nutrition program we have to make it more teacher-friendly (it's for use in the classroom), and I have a project partner who is equally psyched!

Anyway, I uploaded some pictures here at work, and I'd like to share some.

For your viewing pleasure:

(Me, conquering nature, as I sometimes do)

(The rentals in full effect)

(Ze sistahs!!)

(A yummy dessert at P.F. Chang's)

(The John Mayer/Ben Folds concert in a Phoenix suburb!)

("Standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona...")

(At a recent conference... Why do they even *have* that door?!!)

It's also probably my favorite day EVER: 07.17.07!! (My two lucky numbers in a perfect palindromcial number!) It's been great so far; here's what I've done:

-got up at 6:15 for my daily (!!) run; ended said run with a HUGE hill
-received a shipment of (free!) stuff from bananarepublic.com (I used a really old gift certificate that still worked)
-rolled into work, caught up on e-mails, got some work done
-drove from Cottonwood to Prescott, which was beautiful!
-had an AWESOME meeting in Prescott
-got lunch at Subway & read "Travels with Charley" by John Steinbeck; killer book!
-drove back to Cottonwood, filling up at County Fleet/Fuel on the way
-got back to work, where I caught up on e-mails (and blogging)

The end!! :)

After work, I'm going hiking with a good friend, so that'll be nice. Then dinner, and maybe a delicious dessert (we'll see if we can find green tea ice cream!). All in all, awesomeness.

A meth minute...

2007-07-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

So I've subscribed to a newssite called Join Together, which is all about "advancing effective alcohol and drug policy, prevention, and treatment." It's got a lot of interesting stuff on it, and I'd definitely suggest checking it out.

Anyway, check out this recent article:

Domestic Meth Production Falls After Crackdown
July 10, 2007

Seizures of homegrown meth labs fell 58 percent last year, and anti-drug officials credit recent crackdowns on cold medicines and other chemicals used to make the drug, USA Today reported July 2.

"This is one time where the laws worked, and they worked quickly," said Drug Enforcement Administration Senior Special Agent Philippa LeVine.

In 2003, drug agents seized 17,356 small meth labs nationally; in 2006, seizures totaled 7,347.

However, both meth use and prices have remained fairly constant, with superlabs in Mexico quickly moving to fill any supply shortages caused by crackdowns on U.S.-based operations. The DEA said that up to 90 percent of the meth used in the U.S. is from international suppliers. "We know that meth is coming from Mexico in significant amounts," Payne said.

Still, the crackdown has had significant secondary benefits for local communities, said drug czar John Walters. "These were toxic sites that exposed children, first responders, neighbors who weren't even aware this was going on," he said.

-------[Fin.]-------

Ok, so this is very interesting news. However, I can't help but see the humor in it as well. First, why use the term "crackdown" in a drug-related article? I thought that was amusing. Next, Mr. LeVine, the DEA Senior Special Agent quoted above, seems surprised that a law actually worked! Finally, in the last paragraph, John Walters carries the title "drug czar." How, exactly, does one earn such a title?

Anyway, these are my thoughts for the time being. Peace out!

On (the lack of) airport security...

2007-07-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

So I went to Denver this past weekend for a friend of a friend's wedding. It was very enjoyable, though the time went quite quickly.

On the way to Denver from Phoenix, my friend and I were overly reminded (by airline employees, signs, etc.) that there is a liquid restriction on flights nowadays. (See picture below for an idea.)

Since I'd never gotten "caught" with full-size containers of toiletries, I figured I'd try my luck...

... And I got away with it for a 5th time!! My friend, however, was not so lucky. He had to fork over two tubes of toothpaste (why he brought 2, I'll never know) and a relatively new bottle of hair gel. Yikes! I, however, escaped Scot-free with the following: a full-size bottle each of shampoo and conditioner, a full-size bottle of saline (contact) solution, a 4-oz. bottle of body wash (the limit is 3 oz.), a full-size tube of toothpaste, and a large bottle of sunscreen. How I got through with it and my friend didn't is anyone's guess.

Upon our arrival in Colorado, my friend bought another bottle of hair gel (and mooched my toothpaste). On the flight back to Arizona, he asked if he might "smuggle" his hair gel in my carry-on. I agreed, fearless as usual.

I got through again!! This time I had the entire list above, though minus the shampoo and conditioner (they ran out) and plus a full-size bottle of hair gel. TSA regulations, my butt! It's stupid enough as it is, but to not even consistenly enforce it, well... that's just silly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, I'm trying to accumulate as many part-time (easy!) jobs as I can. This week, I'll be doing the paperwork to get me on board with Yavapai College as a tutor for various subjects. Ultimately, I'm hoping to get my foot in the door to be an adjunct faculty member. We'll see how that goes.

Today I put in an application with Best Western, to see if I can work at the front desk... We'll see if they get back to me! Perhaps I'll relax & enjoy life someday, but for now, I've got massive credit card/student loan debt to repay!! (Plus I can earn more for retirement if I have more jobs!)

Okee, I think that's about it for now. Have a great day, y'all! :)

"I'm getting really sick of you people..."

2007-06-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

Those words were uttered to me and my two coworkers today. Let me just reiterate:

Do NOT give your business to Leo Rayburn, D.C., or Michael E. Turner, D.C.

These gentlemen, though I don't know their medical abilities, are vile, insidious, unprofessional people. They were obviously very annoyed by the fact that we were there, and had nothing but contempt for what we were doing. C'est la vie, right? In fact, Dr. Turner was being pretty confrontatoinal with us, so one of my coworkers stood up to him. Exasperated, he pointed to said coworker.

"She," he declared, "may NOT conduct any inspections here. In fact, she's not welcomed in my office." (What effrontery!)

The chiropractor:

My poor coworker!! Though she maintained a stony exterior, it still seemed like she was ready to cry. I offered to stay with her for the rest of the inspection, but she shooed me off to carry on.

My coworker:

I then checked out the office with a worker from the State Health Department. It was pretty cool. The worker couldn't have been more than 5-7 years older than I, so I felt a bit more confident being there. Every day I grow slightly more confident in my knowledge about the new anti-smoking prop, so I was able to intelligently answer some questions thrown at us by the chiropractors.

All in all, it wasn't as horrendous as an experience as I thought it would be. Though the chiropractors' comments and attitudes had a decidedly sententious air about them, they were bearable. Dr. Rayburn was far more hospitable than his evil counterpart, but both were reminiscent of frat boys on a power trip.

Long story short, they were actually in compliance with the smoking laws this time, so we were unable to cite them for anything. Bummer!!

I'm just wondering why people are so put off by authority. Really, when it comes down to it, most officials (says my sanguine little mind) are here to help. Police officers are supposed to "serve and protect," health workers care about the welfare of the general public, social workers try to provide the best services for their clientele, etc.

My view of how it should be:

I suppose I can see how smokers might perceive us as persecuting them, but we're not! I like to think of myself as a protector of non-smokers, not necessarily an enemy of smokers... it's a difficult distinction. Sigh. For the meantime, I suppose, I just do the best I can.

Anyway, as you can probably tell, I've been checking out a lot of new vocab (compliments of dictionary.com!) and doing an image search on google. Hehe.

Okee, that's it for now. Ciao!

lovin' the new job...

2007-06-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

... and here's why:

-today i got to go around to local bars with a coworker to make sure that the establishments were all in compliance with the new anti-smoking regulations. we went to 3 different bars where we played pool, ate appetizers, and had some good (but non-alcoholic) drinks. after all, we were on the clock! :)

-tomorrow, we have a "basic skills training" and sort of a morale-boosting group of games. we're doing lunch at a posh pizza joint in sedona (which should be glorious!), and it's with our counterparts from other cities as well.

-my 3 coworkers are just amazing people, and i'm glad to be cooped up with them in an office for most of the day! :) (one even helped me move this past weekend, and my boss offered to come help, too.)

anyway, things are looking up now! i have community band in a little bit, so i've gotta get to my house (!!) to rest, eat dinner, and keep putting stuff away. y'all come back now! :)

yay, work!! :)

2007-06-19T21:10:00.001-07:00

briefly, because it's nearly bedtime for me...

so today i actually did work at work!! :) holy productivity, batman!! with my boss and another coworker, i helped follow-up 2 complaints from the new smoke-free arizona initiative. it was quite the experience!

our first visit, to rayburn chiropractic in camp verde, proved to be the most interesting one. the chiropractor was a complete and total jerk!! he was mean and unprofessional with us from the start, and i was both furious and saddened when we left. feel free to read my review that i submitted about the clinic:

"I visited the clinic this morning, Tuesday, June 19, 2007, and was extremely shocked at the unprofessional, unkind demeanor of the chiropractor! I was with two coworkers at the time, and the chiropractor was incredibly rude (and even mean) to all three of us. In our presence, he placed a wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth and had the audacity to offer us some. I am frankly surprised that he is in business. Please be aware that some of the people in the office (mainly the chiropractor and one receptionist) are incredibly disrespectful to people who treated them with dignity. Be wary if you decide to give your money to this clinic."

(or, better yet, view the whole thing here!) :)

i am also currently filing a complaint with the better business bureau. aren't i swell? :)

it was cool, though, when managers & owners of other businesses (maverick in camp verde was awesome!!!) are willing and eager to comply with state health standards. :)

in other work-related news, i'm going on my first *real* business trip tomorrow!! :D i mean, all expense paid: room, food, travel, etc. i'm psyched!! i'll be going with 3 other coworkers (it's kind of like a paid girls' day, night, and day out!). it should be pretty awesome. :)

finally, personal goals for the next year or so:

-pay off ALL credit card debt (i WILL do it!!)
-make better financial decisions, including investments
-make amends with the few people in my life who are estranged because of me
-get in my top physical condition
-continue to benefit the world while alive

i think that's a good start! also, i'll be moving into a beautiful house this weekend, so i'm super psyched!! as one of my friends says, my "stock is going up!" :)

okee, those are the boring updates for the time being. peace out!

Punished for working?

2007-06-15T11:11:00.001-07:00

So lately, it seems like people who fall in the "middle" range of the payscale seem to get hurt the most.

Case in point: I have been searching for a place to live in the Cottonwood area, as the 45-minute daily commute is getting old (and expensive!). I found a lovely complex down the street from my work, but was told I "over-qualify" with my income. Um... I'm working for the County, making just a few hundred more than I did as a teacher. My credit card bills (and recently negative checking account) don't seem to think I "over-qualify" at all! Turns out that, in order to live in said apartment complex, I'd need to gross $20,000 or under per year. So... I'm getting punished for having a somewhat fair-paying job?! Should I just work at the $20k level to get cheaper housing? Grr...

Another case in point: An acquaintance of mine has recently felt suicidal. She's been trying to get help by going to our local guidance center. However, she was turned away because she makes too much money! They asked her, "Are you suicidal?" She replied, "Yes." They asked, "Are you on the State health insurance?" She said, "No, I have insurance through my employer." They sent her away!!! They sent a depressed, suicidal working woman away because she made TOO MUCH MONEY.

Unbelievable! According to experts in the area, if a person who makes "too much" is suicidal, that person has very few options. What typically happens, I'm told, is that the suicidal person (or a friend) can call 9-1-1 and have the person rushed to the E.R. Upon arrival, the person will be held for 72 hours and then released. Released!! Insane! I guess there aren't many services (in my area at least) for the suicidals of moderate income.

Speaking of money, my goal for the rest of this year is to get as physically and financially "fit" as possible. It's a tough charge, I know, but I'm gonna do it! I currently bank with Bank of America, which I want to stop doing as soon as possible. In the past week, I've been hit with $140 in overdraft fees for withdrawing just $15 over my assets. Grrr... I tried to get a loan to pay off my credit cards, but the interest rate on the loan for which I was approved is almost 25%!! I'd end up paying almost $5,000 in interest in just 5 years... No, thank you.

Anyway, I must fix my finances now, while I'm young and single and have no dependents. I'm planning on taking a personal finance course at the local community college in August, so hopefully that'll help. I've found out that my coworker (who's in her early 30s) is equally clueless about finances, so I'll be our office liaison between the financial world and the county health workers. Sigh. Also, said coworker and I are both trying to get an extra job (or two) on the side, because the County doesn't pay all that well. We're both willing to be tutors for the aforementioned community college (where we can set our own hours), and I'm also thinking about being a server in a local restaurant. Perhaps I can find another thing or two also. (Who needs a life, right?) :) I briefly looked into donating an egg, but it sounds like a horrifying, painful, and time-consuming process! Sigh.

I used to work at a group home for adolescents who had diagnosed emotional and/or behavioral problems. A lot of them were in and out of the juvenile detention system, and I was astounded at how many resources they were able to obtain. For example, I mentored one girl who ended up back in juvi due to a fight with another girl. (I had been present for the fight- on a college campus in broad daylight- and I had had to restrain her. In the parking lot. With dozens of people walking by. It was bloody and stupid.) Anyway, she was a good gal who let other people get the best of her, so she wound up in juvi (again) for some poor choices. I mentored her there, and she earned her GED on the government's dime. She then took classes through a community college, and the state offered her a 4-year degree... for free!! I wish *I* had been a troubled juvenile delinquent; I wouldn't have $42,000 in student loans right now!! Man, to play the system...

Anyway, I can't complain too much; I'm at work right now, getting paid hourly, and have little to do today. It's nice to relax and putz around on the internet for a bit AND get paid for it. (Yes, Yavapai residents, these are your tax dollars at work!) I suppose my social commentary for the time being is over. Peace.

I don't get bored...

2007-06-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

I like to pride myself on never getting bored. I like that fact about myself very much. However, I currently write from a coffee shop near my new job, and I have over an hour to kill before community band starts. I also had an hour to kill for lunch- SOOOO much time! (As a teacher, my "lunch" usually consisted of 15 minutes of eating & catching up on school gossip. Now, as a "9-5" employee, I have an HOUR each day... I don't even know what to do with all that time!)

Anyway, I found a bunch of interesting stuff online today... A lot of this comes from bored.com, a website that is definitely worth checking out! :)

Check out these interesting "office slang" terms

Also, perhaps you'd be interested in random, crazy projects you can do

I happened to look up "10-codes" as well... that's the codes officials use on the CB radios:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten-code AND
http://spiffy.ci.uiuc.edu/~kline/Stuff/ten-codes.html

Yay!! How fun, right? I also checked out news stuff, which proved interesting. Seems China has some issues with putting artificial blood proteins in transfusion blood... And almost 50 people died in Bangladesh recently from a huge mudslide. Crazy times!

Anyway, it seems the coffee shop actually closes at 6 (grrr), so I must be off. Wish me luck killing the next hour! Ciao :)

2007-06-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

So lately, I've been pretty exhausted physically. Maybe it's because I have a 45-minute commute twice a day. Maybe it's because my new job requires much more sitting than teaching. Maybe it's because my body is trying to recover from the school year. Maybe it's because I've contracted some rare infectious disease. Who knows? (Most likely, it's some combination of the above factors... especially the infectious disease one.)

Anyway, my brain is hungry for knowledge!! I'm loving the new job so far (from where I currently write... muwahaha), as my learning curve is pretty huge right now. I've learned many health- and policy-related things every day, and I love it! Today, I had to have a TB training with one of the nurses here at County. She was very knowledgeable, and also informed me that the art of detecting and preventing TB is a highly subjective process. I suppose I'm constantly surprised when the sciences don't seem to know as much as I had thought they did. (I remember in college when I took astronomy, and I was just shocked that scientists only have theories about how the moon formed- they don't actually know!!)

Right. So I'm planning on taking some community college courses beginning in August to further my neverending quest for knowledge. (I'm also planning on getting a second job and joining the community band, just so I don't go stir-crazy.) I'm reeeeeally interested in taking some more science courses, especially Biology, Chemistry, Anatomy/Physiology, and anything health-related. I wish they had survey courses on diseases (communicable, infectious, hell, I don't care!) for the general public. I'd be in heaven. However, the local community college doesn't seem to offer the kind of classes I want to take in the evening. Most upsetting. Why can't I, the standard full-time employee, learn more about the sciences after putting in my 8 hours? Someday, I suppose...

For now, I keep on reading Health Department policies and procedures, and watch a few more tobacco prevention programs. Have a lovely day, nonexistent readers! :)

Procrastinator Extraordinaire!!

2007-06-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm holding off sleep because I have a few thoughts that are itching to get out... (Oooh, and by the way, today was my first job as a Health Educator! Teaching's over, and I can't really believe it...)

First, poverty. Of course I'm all about eradicating it, but my friend and I happened across an interesting situation yesterday... You see, my friend and I are big fans of good pizza. We ordered three (3) large pizzas (don't ask me why; my friend's a glutton), and went to pick them up. In the parking lot, we were approached by two overweight Latina women in an older car. Though I couldn't hear the conversation, I was told the gist: these women were asking us for food to give to them and their children.... Long story.

In the end, we gave them 4 pieces of our pizza, though I am mad at myself for scowling about it beforehand. (Should people who are begging really be obese? Do they really need the food so much if their bodies are overweight? My friend joked that back when poverty was more visible, the beggars were haggard, pallid, and skinny. No longer!) Anyway, there was a time when I gave all I could in a loving and kind way; now I gripe about it. I think the paradigm shift came when I started working a *real* job and started paying off some *real* college/credit card debt. Then, my attitude drastically changed: Why should I work my butt off (and still have a negative net worth) and give it to people who do little (if anything) to better their situation? I mean, really... how can we justify our horribly flawed welfare system? Sigh. I used to feel entirely different about this, but now I fear I'm becoming... Republican.

Next, attachment. Buddhism purports that attachment to worldly things/people/ideas is dangerous; freedom is only truly obtained from releasing all that you try so desperately to have. Of course, being an American AND a woman, I am the ultimate victim of attachment (attachment to significant others, friends, family members, animals, objects, etc.). I find something good (namely a good or even reasonable relationship), and I want to keep it. I want someone to claim me, saying, "Yes, I want you. YOU! There is so much that you offer that I want, and I want you to surround me for as long as humanly possible with it." or something... I haven't really come up with a way to express it well yet.

Now, the problem with attachment is that I think I'm still confusing it with love. (As an aside, I found some images of "love" that I am going to share...)

1.) The optimistic side (courtesy of affirmagy.com):

(If you can't read it, click on the picture for a larger image.)

2.) The painful side (courtesy of explodingdog.com):

(Caption from the site: "I love you this much.")

3.) What I yearn for (explodingdog.com again):

(Caption from the site: "I'm ready to face the world with you."

4.) How I seem to feel quite frequently (you guessed it: explodingdog!):

("We were so different, yet so in love.")

Right. Anyway, I've met two incredible people this past year. (Well, more, but the particular rant at the moment only pertains to two men.) One, we'll call him "Slug," and I grew very attached to one another. So much so that we called it "love." (What "love" is, exactly, is clearly anyone's guess.) This attachment, even though I knew the end result would be separation, caused me to feel that maybe some major differences could be looked over in the name of love. Not so much.

Enter guy two: "Barley." Barley and I got along famously, and thoroughly enjoyed one another's company. We were (and still are) hiking buddies, backpacking buddies, and so forth. It is known, though, that Barley will be leaving in about 3 months to follow a successful and lucrative career. While I am upset about this, I know it only stems from attachment; if I truly cared about the lad, I would rejoice in the bright future ahead of him.

Both of these stories boil down to attachment. I wanted to be with Slug and Barley (at separate points) so much that I was willing to forfeit some of my own personality. Not healthy, nor what I truly want. While I am still heartbroken over both situations, there is a light at the end of the tunnel: This is my time to really work on myself, who I am, and what I want. I have very few responsibilities at this point in my life, and I wish to take full advantage of that fact.

Oh, dear... I feel like these ramblings aren't very coherent, and I'm past my bedtime. Thus, nonexistent readers, I bid you adieu for now. Perhaps someday I'll be better at this whole blogging business. Good night!

Also (and this is on 8.13.07), I'm posting a pic on my oldest entry, so that I can use it as a profile pic. (Long story.) Peace!

And here we are...

2007-05-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

So I originally subscribed to this site to chronicle my first year of teaching. Now that I only have 2 days of teaching left (possibly for all time), I feel it time to begin a new blog. This one is for more personal, perhaps more introspective, and definitely more random musings. (Ah, understand the title of the blog now?)

First things first, I like to consider myself a relatively open-minded, peaceful person. (Hold fast, kind reader, for this will be the only pseudo-introduction I will do of myself on this blog.) Unfortunately, in today's age, one has much difficulty being both a peaceful person AND an elementary school teacher. It is thus, with only slight pangs of uncertainty, that I begin a new career next week as a county health educator.

Anyway, as I am just getting this whole new blog thing started, I will try to keep it mildly interesting. I just did some shopping last week on stickergiant.com, which provided me with quite the variety of ways to express myself.

Two of my recent purchases include:

1.) A magnet to counter the "God bless the U.S.A." ones:

2.) A hilarious shirt, complete with a list of locations (e.g., Bristol, Milan, Flanders, Dorset, etc.) on the back:

Yay! Anyway, I shall eventually try to post numerous photos on here, as well as interesting tidbits and the like. Though this blog is mostly for my (slightly morbid?) gratification, I hope you find something in it that is enjoyable!

Peace for now.