Too Lucky?

Greetings all (mostly spammers!)

It's been a while...

Lately, I've been wondering if I'm too lucky.... Here are some reasons why (and in no particular order; please don't take offense!):

1.) A job.  I have a great new job, where I work 4 days a week (!!) and make more money that I did in any of my last 3 jobs... So far, I really enjoy teaching university students, and hope it continues to go well!

2.) A good man.  Recently, I became engaged to an amazing individual.  He's caring, passionate, extremely intelligent, handsome, tall, and awesome.  I don't know how I landed him, but I'm glad I did!

3.) A loving family.  The more I learn about the world, the more fortunate I feel to have such an amazing family of origin. My family was a stable and loving force all throughout childhood, and they remain so to this day.  Though I now live on a different continent, I keep in touch with them as much as possible, and I'm so lucky to have their love and support!

4.) Good health.  Though I've never had any serious health problems (knock on wood!!), I feel quite healthy lately... I've been running, eating pretty well (gotta love a mostly-vegetarian diet!), drinking more water and less alcohol, sleeping well, etc.  How many people can say this?

5.) A purpose.  I am enthralled to have achieved a major life goal: to be an educator.  Ever since high school, I've been involved in education (in a way other than being a student) in some way... I've been lucky enough to be a teacher for the past 8ish years, and I hope to continue this career for as long as I live!  Other hobbies, interests, and jobs may pepper my life, but I'm so happy to be part of the educational system.

6.) Traveling.  How many people get to globe-trot?  Just a lucky handful, and I'm among those few.  I've seen almost 30 countries on 5 continents, with plans to see more!  Every time I hop off a plane, I learn new things about humanity, the world, culture, and life in all its myriad forms.

7.) The privilege to grow older.  Be it Ebola, hunger/poverty, a shooting, a natural disaster, an accident, or what have you, scores of our world's youth die every day.  I am SO fortunate to have made it 31 years on this planet.  I am trying to stop complaining about getting older, and embrace it instead, for it is a gift indeed to live another day.

So there you have it... I'm not sure *why* I'm so lucky (and I certainly don't attribute this to anything supernatural, thankyouverymuch), but I am.  Hopefully everyone (myself included!!) can appreciate what they have on a regular basis.

Finally, I feel that with these remarkable strokes of fortune, I now have some awesome responsibilities... I must help make the quality of life for others better... I need to dedicate time, money, and energy to worthwhile causes every day.  If you have any suggestions of said worthy causes, please let me know!

Thank you.  

A conversation

So we have some very cool custodians at the school where I work. One of them, Lisa*, is a native Spanish speaker, with whom I usually converse after school for a while. Another, Tony*, is bilingual (English & Spanish), and we usually talk in English.

Sometimes, I talk to Tony and I think I know what God might be like. (I'm on the fence about the whole God thing at this point, but that's immaterial.) Today at 5:30pm, I was getting ready to make some copies and go home. I was tired, having had a very mediocre Monday in the classroom, but I'm usually happy to talk to Tony. He's 65, usually in good spirits, friendly, polite, and helpful.

...and his daughter has cancer. She's in the hospital for weeks at a time (presently, she's in for a month). To help offset medical costs, Tony works two full-time jobs: one from midnight to about 8am, and the other as our evening custodian (3-11pm). Every day when I greet him, though, he's always cheerful and grateful for what he has. It seems sincere, too; at times he'll discuss the human condition and how people are so into their own little worlds that they forget about everything else. ("We've all been there," he'll say with a sad smile. "I know that.")

So what makes people like Tony so... able to deal with things? How come he can (seemingly) handle the cancer of his daughter, yet others whine about such minor things in their lives? How is it that Tony works two full-time jobs, and I have yet to hear him complain? How is he still grateful, optimistic, and pleasant when he gets 5 hours of sleep a night and spends his waking hours at work or in the hospital?

Here's a (paraphrased) typical part the conversation we had today:

Me: Hey, Tony! How are you?
Tony: Oh, I'm good, I'm good. How about you? You ever find a boyfriend? (Note: This is not said in a creepy way, but more of like a dad checking up on his little girl.)
Me: Yeah, actually.
Tony: Oh, wonderful! He treats you good, right?
Me: Of course!
Tony: Good, because you deserve it.
Me: Thank you! How's your wife doing?
Tony: My wife is good, it's my daughter that's not doing so well.
Me: Yeah, how is she?
Tony: She's going through another round of chemo, so she'll be in the hospital for the next month...

(and he goes into detail here)

Tony: But you know what? We do the best we can. Sometimes I don't know what to do, and I wish my father were here to talk to. I want to do that for my children. I want to always be there for them, no matter what. I treat them all the same, and I want them all to be able to talk to me. I want them to treat their kids the way I treat them.
Me: That's wonderful. I'm glad to hear it.
Tony: You know, our time here is a gift. And I do what I can with it. Sometimes, people don't give very much. You say, "Good morning," and they don't say anything. But it's not me. I do what I can. They're in their own little world, but sometimes we all are. That's OK, that's just where they are. I don't take it personal. I just know we all do what we can. You're never going to please everyone, you know? If you try to, you're wasting your time. So make the best of it. Don't let other people get you down.

...

etc.

These are the types of conversations we usually has. He's talked to me about how to stay (relatively happily) married for 40 years... how to deal with a sick child... how fleeting time is... And I'm happy to see him so happy.

Now, to bed so I can make tomorrow a good day. Cheers.





*Names changed to protect anonymity.

Girls' bathroom observations...

So I was talking with a friend last night about the progression of a girls' bathroom at a bar on any given weekend night. I thought I'd share! :)

(Note: I am obviously overgeneralizing here, but these "stages" come from years of keen observation of the antics in a ladies' room in a bar.)

Stage 1: This is usually fairly early in the evening, we'll say about 8pm. Most women in the bathroom at this point are completely sober, having consumed 0-1 alcoholic beverages. When walking in the bathroom door, minimal acknowledgment is acceptable. Perhaps one makes a comment on the line, or remarks, "A man obviously designed this bathroom! I'd put more stalls in..." etc. The climate is calm.

Stage 2: We'll say this is around 9:30pm, after many women have had 1-3 drinks. There is more conversation, and women are generally friendly, especially to strangers. Compliments are exchanged about each others' outfits, hair, or general appearance. The climate is friendly and basically polite.

Stage 3: This probably occurs around 11pm, when many women have had 3-5 drinks. Many women are angry, jealous, or in need of emotional support. Angry women come in saying, "That girl is such a bitch! Did you see the way she was flirting with Steve when she *knows* I like him" Her friend, also intoxicated, will usually reply, "I know! She's such a #*@#... I hate her." The sad girl might comment to her friend, "Why can't I meet a guy at a bar? Aren't I pretty?" Her friend might say, "No, honey, you're beautiful! The guys here are lame anyway. We should go somewhere else!" This stage is generally for some sort of back-up from a supportive friend.

Stage 4: Around 12:30-1 in the morning, women have typically had 4-6 drinks and are flat-out loud, belligerent, or vomiting. There may be catfights in the bathroom, or a friend holding back another friend's hair as she pukes into the toilet. Many women stumble around, talking about 4 times louder than usual. There are often tears or half-awake women, many of whom are contemplating how to get home. This is by far the ugliest stage of the evening.

Personally, I like stages 1-2 the best... Everyone's still friendly and has a sense of social decency. Stages 3-4 sort of denote the crumbling of courtesy and decency.

Anyway, just thought I'd share... I've seen these patterns for years, and it only felt right to throw this out there. Cheers!

"Now walk it by yourself..."

(Those lyrics come from "The Cupid Shuffle," the song I re-wrote for our "Order of Ops" video a few months back.)

Ok. Sooooo it's go time. The time is upon me to decide the next year or two of my life... Eek!

My phone rang last night a little after 8, and I didn't answer because it was a 310 area code, which I didn't recognize. I later checked the voicemail, and it was my regional Peace Corps recruiter... He said he'd received all my info and wanted to set up an interview! Ahhh!!

Long story short, I interview with the PC next Friday (the 13th!) at 3:30pm. (Luckily, we have an in-service that day, so I won't be exhausted from my little monsters!) :)

So the next week, I need to spend a LOT of time reflecting on Peace Corps-related topics... I need to thoroughly examine my culture, belief system, desire to work and live abroad, etc. Craziness! At the same time, I believe we have to decide within a month if we're going to teach at my school again next year... So I have about a month to decide everything. Insanity!

This week in school (with the exception of a horrendous Tuesday) was fine. The past three days were even -dare I say it- enjoyable! I've been trying to roll with the punches a little more, and I think that's helping. If I could just figure out a way to get to that damned 2nd period class... We'll see!

In other news, hashing has been excellent! I've made a lot of new friends, I get to run a lot (I've already logged 11 miles this week, and I'll do 3-7 more this weekend), and I have a whole new hobby! :)

For now, I must return to the gazillion things I have to do so I can get this weekend started! (We had a dance after school today, and I HAD to stop by and dance with my guys for a bit, so I'm still at school.)

Cheers to y'all! Keep me posted on how YOU'RE doing, too!

"Baby, you're a lost cause..."

(That quote is from a Beck song, for those of you who didn't know.)

So life is good, I can't deny... I have a job, good health, awesome friends, a kick-ass family... but I can't help feel that something is still missing. Well, I know what's missing: love! Of course.

I learned a valuable lesson this month, too: it's a bad idea to date active military guys; they leave!! They leave to South Korea, and you wonder if you'll ever see them again. Yuck. And then you kick yourself for getting involved in the first place, knowing there was already a pre-determined expiration date on the whole thing.

Anyway, other than my somewhat sucky love life, things are good. Teaching has its ups and downs, but it's pretty manageable for the time being. I'll be able to finish up the year, no prob. Hashing (my new hobby!) is fun and has afforded me many new local contacts! I've been spending more time with friends lately, and it's nice to be out of my (excessively messy) house (due mostly to messy roommates). I finished my first-ever half marathon last weekend (!!!), and it was a REALLY cool experience! I'd love to do it again!

Next year: no clue what I'll be doing... I've got an application into the Peace Corps, so we'll see what happens with that. My mom is ridiculously nervous about that whole thing, but you know what? It's a pretty incredible opportunity. I personally don't know anyone who's served, and I think it'd be amazing. I could combine my desires to help others and to travel internationally! Bada bing, bada boom! Pending the submission of a set of paperwork, I'll have an interview in L.A. in a few weeks... And I figure, what better time to do this than now? I'm not with anyone, I have no children, I'm extremely mobile... and I have the desire to better the world in drastic ways. What better conditions could possibly exist?

Anyway, I should be off to bed, but I had a few (coughMayacough) readers request an update. Does this help? Cheers!

A bout with optimism...

So I can't help but think today that maybe things aren't quite so bad. I know. Weird. I, who had been becoming an increasing pessimist, say that. I realize the economy's bad. The upcoming election may prove more heartbreaking than the last two. The empire of the United States is quickly crumbling. Crime and racism are still rampant. Poverty envelopes much of the world. Ignorance and discrimination are abundant. Yet... I can't help but feel optimistic.

I'm not really sure what's brought on this surge of hope. Perhaps it's the BBC series that I'm lately addicted to: “Planet Earth.” Perhaps it's the good friends I've surrounded myself with lately. Perhaps it's the regular running I've been doing... I'm not really sure. What I do know, though, is that I'm feeling better these days. Maybe I shouldn't question it.

So what now? Now, I suppose, I run with it. Make the best of my time here. Become an effective and happy educator. Work within a system that discourages education and independence. Find a way to establish myself, alone, devoid of extraneous and unnecessary titles and affiliations. Be me.

And sure, I'm a bit lonely in the lack of presence of a worthwhile male. The barrage of dates I've been on lately has done anything but assuage my need for companionship. In fact, it's exacerbated my perceived loneliness. However, I've been thinking that I should resign myself to not meeting “him” (or her??) until I'm 27. That gives me two years to stop trying so hard to settle down. Two years to work on myself and become – fully- who I want to be.

I know I've got an uncommon heart. (Incidentally, this Open Office version of Word has the predicted text capability enabled... when I was typing “uncommon heart,” it tried to expand heart to heartbreaking. Interesting.) I know I can be phenomenal at whatever I choose. For so long, I've been looking for the next thing: the next boyfriend, the next job, the next place to live. And now, I think, I'm gonna work at bettering my current situation. It's so easy to run, but the challenge of staying may prove worthwhile.

Who knows? Maybe my career in education isn't all for naught. Perhaps this is just the beginning. Sometimes, I can't help but feel I'm destined for great things, should I choose them. I think I'm of above-average intelligence (no super genius, unfortunately), but that my interest and passion can make up for my lack of Einstein-like algorithms. I think with the drive and courage that I possess, I may yet be able to make my life worth living.

And in my “old age” of 25, I'm starting to see things differently. I'm caring less what people think about me and more what I think about me. I'm becoming more honest (if harshly so), and it's incredibly revitalizing. I've been able to tell several gentleman that I am not interested in them. Painful, perhaps, but honest. And I'm trying to take honesty and criticisms better. I fully acknowledge that I am far from perfect. Yes, I am very well aware of that. BUT I do have the redeeming quality of the desire to better my life and (to a degree) the lives of those around me.

As for the future... I think I need to relax. A friend in college, after a lengthy IM, put it best when he said, “I think you just need to chill out.” Bingo. That's exactly it. Well, partially. I want to chill out about certain things (e.g., traffic, my neverending to-do list, etc.), but I don't want to relax about others. Some battles are worth fighting (e.g., poverty, intolerance, injustice, illiteracy, etc.).

The upcoming election may be part of the source of my optimism as well. Obama's message of hope is catchy. It's inspiring to a degree. I realize that hope can be dangerous (when you're horribly let down), but I think it's also part of what makes us human. Without hope... well, what are we? And back to the election, it's crazy to think that in 2 days, we'll likely know who our next president will be. Right now, at 3:14pm on Sunday, the 2nd of November, I have no idea who will lead our country next year. I dearly hope it's not McCain, but I'm nervous. What will happen to the U.S. If we get another republican in office? Are we then completely doomed? Up until recently, my exit strategy in the case of McCain's win had been to join the Peace Corps and leave this God-forsaken place. However, and I am reminded of 4 years ago, it is easy to run away. Every country has its problems, and the United States is (obviously) no exception. What happens if I just decide to stay? To not give up? To keep on going, even when the odds are stacked against me?

There was something I know now that I wish I had known in high school: I am stronger than I think. Today, a bit sick (cough, sore throat, etc.), I decided to keep on training for a 10k I'm running next week. I ran 6.25 miles and felt pretty decent afterwards. Around mile 3 in the run, though, I started getting those negative thoughts in my head.

“I can't do this,” I'd thought. “My lungs burn. I'm getting sick. I could just stop and walk the rest of it. I'm getting dehydrated. It's hot out.” ... ad nauseum.

In high school when I got those thoughts, I'd stop running and give in. I slowed down or just flat-out quit many a run during track and cross country seasons. As much as I love my mom, she taught me the fine art of quitting something I didn't immediately like. (And of course, this has proven both helpful and harmful.)

But now, at 25, I decided to go past those thoughts. I kept going, as I have for the past 6 months or so. When I get those negative ideas, I just keep going. Sometimes I have to do a sort of triage approach. (“Just one more lamppost,” or “just 2 more minutes, then you can stop.”) I'll trick myself into keeping going. And then, before I know it, I don't want to stop.

Mile 4 was easy. It felt good, and I was happy to trot along to my music. Mile 5 got difficult again. I got tired (since I usually train not more than 5 miles at present). But I was past the point of no return; I had but 1.25 miles to go, and I wasn't about to stop. So I broke down the run with the help of my Nike+. I waited for the “15 minutes to go,” then “10 minutes,” and so forth. The run is MUCH easier when broken into 5-minute increments.

At the end of the run, it was once again reinforced that yes, I CAN do these things that I decide to do. I can be a runner. I can teach. I can be a responsible and active person. I just wish I'd realized all this 10 years earlier...

Just a few moments ago, there was a young (20s??) guy sitting next to me. I didn't talk to him, but about 50% of the time I would've. He was waiting for his mom for a relaxing chat. His mother finally joined him, and they sat there for a bit, reading, drinking coffee, chatting. I felt a pang of sadness; I miss my own mom! As happy as I am with the lovely weather right now (about 78 in the shade in November), I miss my family. I'd love nothing more sometimes than to just call up my parents or sisters and say, “Hey, let's get some coffee,” or “Hey, let's go see that new movie.” Oh, that I could reconcile weather and family. Unfortunately for the latter, I have no desire to move back to Ohio. It's hard to be gloomy when every day is sunny and warm. I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts in November, and I'm comfortable (even a little warm)! This is why I moved here. That, and the amazing scenery all around. I love Arizona, I really do. I just wish I could move all my family and good friends here. That would be what heaven would be like, I think.

Which brings me to my next topic: God, or lack thereof...
So I'm still unsure of where I stand on the whole God thing. Maybe I always will be unsure, and that's just fine with me. I can certainly see the appeal of believing in a deity. It's gotta be reassuring to know that somewhere, someone is watching out for you. However, empirical evidence doesn't seem to support such a benevolent being. And really, what's so wrong about there not being a god? No judgment, nothing deeper than what is. Maybe the simpler explanation here is right. Who am I to say?

In my younger years, I believed (or wanted to believe) in God very much. I went to church, I prayed every night, I'd thank God for my fortunes and ask for help in more difficult times. Though I still pray, it feels hollow and pointless. Half the time, I fall asleep, hands folded, before I ever finish my prayers. However, I'm not to the point of strict atheism yet. I'm not totally sold either way. I'm in agnostic limbo, and that's my preference for the time being. Science is no substitute for God, nor God for science. I think there may be truth in both, and I don't think they're irreconcilable. What I mean is: why can't evolution exist alongside the teachings of the Bible? If we don't take the Bible quite so literally, can't “one day” really be a millennium, so the world was created in 7 millennia, not days? Who knows?

Probably the most appealing aspect of religion/faith is the promise of everlasting life. That, if you are a decent person (or an evil person who eventually repents), there is a place for you in heaven. Guaranteed. Who wouldn't want that? Admittedly, I struggle with death from time to time. It's kind of terrifying to think that, one day, I will completely cease to exist. That's it. No more. No matter how much energy I have... no matter how many thoughts and aspirations... no matter how much I love or hope or do... it'll all end. And if there is nothing after death, that's it. We all meet the same fate. If that's the truth, what's the point of morality? What, really, is the point of anything? That certainly is a hard idea to swallow (for me, at least). I guess on the flipside, though, immortality is terrifying to me as well. To NEVER cease to exist? To go on and on and on with no end, ever? Yeah, that's scary, too. Surely there is some happy medium somewhere in there. But I suppose that's not for me to know right now.

All right, I am off to finish lesson planning for tomorrow, since I'm fresh and inspired. The day is lovely here in Phoenix, Arizona. I will enjoy the rest of my day, and I hope you will, too. Cheers.

What we're doing at school!

So I wrote a song for my math students... Here are the lyrics:

Order… of Ops! (Repeat 4x)

(hook)
Down, down, do your math, do your math (Repeat 4x)


Verse One:
They say I'm a teacher, and I say yeah
They say what you doing, tryin’ to do some crazy math?
I just let the order of operations go
So all my classes can pass the 6th grade, yo
They got some crazy math, you gotta move your pencil
Crazy math, it's called the triple-O
It don't matter if you're 11 or you’re12 (here we go)
We gone show you how it go

Chorus:
Parentheses, parentheses, parentheses, parentheses,
Exponents, exponents, exponents, exponents,
Now mult or div, now mult or div,
Now add or subtract, now add or subtract
(let me see you do)

(hook) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Two:
Now you see what I'm talking about
I represent for the Bulldogs, yo
Where we known for mathing out
I'm gonna show you what I'm talking about

(hook 2x) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Three:
And do the order of ops
Do the order of Ops
It's ya friend PEMDAS, PEM to the DAS

Crazy math on the track, got another hittin beat
(here we go, hey)

(hook)


I performed it for them last week, and they liked it! Another teacher suggested I perform it WITH students and put it on YouTube... So we did it! :)

The concept was to have a “boring” teacher explaining the order of operations to her class. Then, as in a daydream, the students start whispering, “order of ops.” Then students and teachers burst into song! After the song, class resumes as if nothing had ever happened.

Below is the video (fear not; every student in it has a signed permission slip saying they can be on YouTube and the internet's public domain). Without further ado, enjoy!! :)