Before I go to sleep, I had some thoughts that were dying to get out. Too many nights, I have all these things I want to write down, but my desire to sleep usually wins out. Tonight while brushing my teeth, I got to thinking: Thoughts are fleeting; the written word lasts much longer. So I've decided to sacrifice 20 minutes of sleep to get some ruminations out there.
First and foremost on my mind is the breakup that transpired just two weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still pretty sad about it, and I think I will be for a bit longer. I miss knowing that my weekends were going to be full of "couple time," I miss cuddling, I miss the little "extras" that are included in any decent relationship. However, I know I'm romanticizing things, and that all was not hunky-dory (or else I wouldn't be writing this at present).
Fortunately, for the heartbroken like yours truly, I found a good resource! Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up ... The video at the end proved a helpful reminder, too, that life still goes on.
The title of this post comes from getting ready for bed this evening. My ex gave my roommate back the stuff I'd left at his place. (My roommate still plays on the ex's softball team, which is weird and uncomfortable for me... but the ex and I were able to exchange our stuff through the roommie, so that was helpful.) Anyway, I was going through my bag of "returns" tonight and came across the toothbrush that I'd left at his place. I put it in the cabinet and peered at the toothbrush holder on the sink. Said holder used to contain his and my toothbrushes; now it (obviously) just holds mine. I looked at it tonight, and was suddenly saddened. It just really hit home: I *am* that lone toothbrush. Sigh.
However, as life seems to be cyclical, I know I will be over this in a bit. I've had much more devastating breakups, so this should be not really a big deal. I think the main problem is that I'm just getting sick of dating. All things considered, I really enjoyed being in this past relationship. I enjoyed the reliability and consistency of having someone there who I knew would care for me and I him (even though it wasn't perfect). And part of me still wants to contact him, see him... and of course I still hope that he'll want to get back together. But then my rational side steps in and nicely but firmly reminds me: "It's over."
This seems like the time, then, for me to enjoy the solitude. It need not be devastating... I've got good friends here, and I have a wonderful family I can chat with whenever I want. I just... I dunno.
Anyway, this entry was meant to be a lot more insightful and amazing than it turned out... someday! Turns out my little brain's too tired to handle breathtaking works of literature at this time. Perhaps in the near future...
For now, kind readers, I bid you a good night.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Life goes on...
... so since my last entry, my (now ex-)boyfriend broke up with me. Ouch! I didn't see it coming, but what are you gonna do? Fooey on that. I'm getting over it slowly.
Anyway, I had the most random talk with our custodian at school tonight... He's a nice man of 65, and was telling me he's been married to his wife for 45 years (!!). Anyway, he is coming to grips with his mortality... Here, I was just IMing with a friend, and here's the story portion:
i had just finished an ok day of teaching and then an hour and a half of tutoring... so my brain was fried. it was like 5:20pm, and the custodian (a guy in his mid-60s) came in and started talking to me about life
at 65, he's starting to have some issues with his morality
and he told me, "when my wife and i were young, we knew we had all the time in the world. we could make plans for decades down the line... and now... we can't."
and it just kinda hit me, since i saw how much it was hitting him
it was a good reminder not to be so trivial
...
and really, it is. I keep trying to counsel myself, and it's helping. There's a question: "A year from now, will this matter? Two years from now?"... etc. So that helps.
Anyway, it's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime. Good night!
Oh, and P.S.: What's the thought on karma these days? Do people buy into it? Is it a cop-out? Does it even hold true? Let me know whatcha think!
Anyway, I had the most random talk with our custodian at school tonight... He's a nice man of 65, and was telling me he's been married to his wife for 45 years (!!). Anyway, he is coming to grips with his mortality... Here, I was just IMing with a friend, and here's the story portion:
i had just finished an ok day of teaching and then an hour and a half of tutoring... so my brain was fried. it was like 5:20pm, and the custodian (a guy in his mid-60s) came in and started talking to me about life
at 65, he's starting to have some issues with his morality
and he told me, "when my wife and i were young, we knew we had all the time in the world. we could make plans for decades down the line... and now... we can't."
and it just kinda hit me, since i saw how much it was hitting him
it was a good reminder not to be so trivial
...
and really, it is. I keep trying to counsel myself, and it's helping. There's a question: "A year from now, will this matter? Two years from now?"... etc. So that helps.
Anyway, it's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime. Good night!
Oh, and P.S.: What's the thought on karma these days? Do people buy into it? Is it a cop-out? Does it even hold true? Let me know whatcha think!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
What are the odds?
So what on paper looked like it would be a so-so day (full day of school, no prep time, softball, etc.) actually turned out well! My lessons yesterday were ok (I don't think I'll be a stellar teacher for another year or two), but I got goofier as the day went on, which always entertains the kids. We have a nice little back-and-forth thing where we hassle each other a bit, then get back to work.
At the end of my 5th hour class (which is usually hands-down the worst class of the day, but today was actually pretty decent), the science teacher came in to inform me that I was to sub for another teacher during my prep period. Luckily I didn't need to prep at that particular time, so it turned out OK.
Anyway, I subbed for an 8th grade social studies class, and it wasn't too painful. According to the kids, some of them were 15 and 16 (in *8th* grade!!!). It seems some of them had failed 8th grade a time or two. I got them to work independently for the start of class, then I let them work in groups afterward. At the end of class, I had an "off-the-record" discussion with them about the Latino drop-out rate for high school. (Latinos lead the nation, far ahead of any other race.) I implored them to graduate high school or at least get their GED to make their lives better. We'll see... but I will say that I was happy to see my little 6th graders for my final class of the day. Much nicer! :)
Finally, both games of softball were actually fun! In the second game, it was the bottom of the last inning, 2 outs, we were down by just a few runs, and I was up to bat. ("Oh, boy," I thought, "I'll probably be the third out.") There was another game previously where I had been the third out and the game ended. (Gotta love inductive reasoning.) So I stepped up to the plate, a little shaky. My prior strategy last night was to not swing at any pitches, putting all the pressure on the pitcher. That got me on base both times I was up at bat. This time, I swung at one and missed. Then before I knew it, it was full count, one runner on base. Eesh! I swung with my all... and hit it!! Woo hoo! Fortunately, the shortstop missed and I got on base and advanced the runner ahead of me. That was enough to keep the game going! It actually felt pretty cool; there was hope yet for our team! In the end, though, we lost 10-9. So close! In that game, I'd scored 2 runs, so I was pretty proud of myself. Next, I try to tackle fielding- who would've thought grounders would be so hard to catch!?
Okee... for now, I'm off to lesson plan and spend the day with my man. Cheers! :)
At the end of my 5th hour class (which is usually hands-down the worst class of the day, but today was actually pretty decent), the science teacher came in to inform me that I was to sub for another teacher during my prep period. Luckily I didn't need to prep at that particular time, so it turned out OK.
Anyway, I subbed for an 8th grade social studies class, and it wasn't too painful. According to the kids, some of them were 15 and 16 (in *8th* grade!!!). It seems some of them had failed 8th grade a time or two. I got them to work independently for the start of class, then I let them work in groups afterward. At the end of class, I had an "off-the-record" discussion with them about the Latino drop-out rate for high school. (Latinos lead the nation, far ahead of any other race.) I implored them to graduate high school or at least get their GED to make their lives better. We'll see... but I will say that I was happy to see my little 6th graders for my final class of the day. Much nicer! :)
Finally, both games of softball were actually fun! In the second game, it was the bottom of the last inning, 2 outs, we were down by just a few runs, and I was up to bat. ("Oh, boy," I thought, "I'll probably be the third out.") There was another game previously where I had been the third out and the game ended. (Gotta love inductive reasoning.) So I stepped up to the plate, a little shaky. My prior strategy last night was to not swing at any pitches, putting all the pressure on the pitcher. That got me on base both times I was up at bat. This time, I swung at one and missed. Then before I knew it, it was full count, one runner on base. Eesh! I swung with my all... and hit it!! Woo hoo! Fortunately, the shortstop missed and I got on base and advanced the runner ahead of me. That was enough to keep the game going! It actually felt pretty cool; there was hope yet for our team! In the end, though, we lost 10-9. So close! In that game, I'd scored 2 runs, so I was pretty proud of myself. Next, I try to tackle fielding- who would've thought grounders would be so hard to catch!?
Okee... for now, I'm off to lesson plan and spend the day with my man. Cheers! :)
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