Before I go to sleep, I had some thoughts that were dying to get out. Too many nights, I have all these things I want to write down, but my desire to sleep usually wins out. Tonight while brushing my teeth, I got to thinking: Thoughts are fleeting; the written word lasts much longer. So I've decided to sacrifice 20 minutes of sleep to get some ruminations out there.
First and foremost on my mind is the breakup that transpired just two weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still pretty sad about it, and I think I will be for a bit longer. I miss knowing that my weekends were going to be full of "couple time," I miss cuddling, I miss the little "extras" that are included in any decent relationship. However, I know I'm romanticizing things, and that all was not hunky-dory (or else I wouldn't be writing this at present).
Fortunately, for the heartbroken like yours truly, I found a good resource! Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up ... The video at the end proved a helpful reminder, too, that life still goes on.
The title of this post comes from getting ready for bed this evening. My ex gave my roommate back the stuff I'd left at his place. (My roommate still plays on the ex's softball team, which is weird and uncomfortable for me... but the ex and I were able to exchange our stuff through the roommie, so that was helpful.) Anyway, I was going through my bag of "returns" tonight and came across the toothbrush that I'd left at his place. I put it in the cabinet and peered at the toothbrush holder on the sink. Said holder used to contain his and my toothbrushes; now it (obviously) just holds mine. I looked at it tonight, and was suddenly saddened. It just really hit home: I *am* that lone toothbrush. Sigh.
However, as life seems to be cyclical, I know I will be over this in a bit. I've had much more devastating breakups, so this should be not really a big deal. I think the main problem is that I'm just getting sick of dating. All things considered, I really enjoyed being in this past relationship. I enjoyed the reliability and consistency of having someone there who I knew would care for me and I him (even though it wasn't perfect). And part of me still wants to contact him, see him... and of course I still hope that he'll want to get back together. But then my rational side steps in and nicely but firmly reminds me: "It's over."
This seems like the time, then, for me to enjoy the solitude. It need not be devastating... I've got good friends here, and I have a wonderful family I can chat with whenever I want. I just... I dunno.
Anyway, this entry was meant to be a lot more insightful and amazing than it turned out... someday! Turns out my little brain's too tired to handle breathtaking works of literature at this time. Perhaps in the near future...
For now, kind readers, I bid you a good night.
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1 comment:
It always comes down to the toothbrush. I know what you mean. When I broke up with Alex, since I knew he still wanted us to get back together, the hardest thing was to get rid of his toothbrush. When I finally threw it out, I knew it was over for good. That breakup, too, was much harder than anticipated- especially since I was the one doing the breaking up. It always hurts more than we think it will. You know I'm always here for you, Issima. I know how break ups go, and how much they suck and hurt, and how much it helps to have people be there (even from across a country).
Love you, big sistah.
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