A bout with optimism...

So I can't help but think today that maybe things aren't quite so bad. I know. Weird. I, who had been becoming an increasing pessimist, say that. I realize the economy's bad. The upcoming election may prove more heartbreaking than the last two. The empire of the United States is quickly crumbling. Crime and racism are still rampant. Poverty envelopes much of the world. Ignorance and discrimination are abundant. Yet... I can't help but feel optimistic.

I'm not really sure what's brought on this surge of hope. Perhaps it's the BBC series that I'm lately addicted to: “Planet Earth.” Perhaps it's the good friends I've surrounded myself with lately. Perhaps it's the regular running I've been doing... I'm not really sure. What I do know, though, is that I'm feeling better these days. Maybe I shouldn't question it.

So what now? Now, I suppose, I run with it. Make the best of my time here. Become an effective and happy educator. Work within a system that discourages education and independence. Find a way to establish myself, alone, devoid of extraneous and unnecessary titles and affiliations. Be me.

And sure, I'm a bit lonely in the lack of presence of a worthwhile male. The barrage of dates I've been on lately has done anything but assuage my need for companionship. In fact, it's exacerbated my perceived loneliness. However, I've been thinking that I should resign myself to not meeting “him” (or her??) until I'm 27. That gives me two years to stop trying so hard to settle down. Two years to work on myself and become – fully- who I want to be.

I know I've got an uncommon heart. (Incidentally, this Open Office version of Word has the predicted text capability enabled... when I was typing “uncommon heart,” it tried to expand heart to heartbreaking. Interesting.) I know I can be phenomenal at whatever I choose. For so long, I've been looking for the next thing: the next boyfriend, the next job, the next place to live. And now, I think, I'm gonna work at bettering my current situation. It's so easy to run, but the challenge of staying may prove worthwhile.

Who knows? Maybe my career in education isn't all for naught. Perhaps this is just the beginning. Sometimes, I can't help but feel I'm destined for great things, should I choose them. I think I'm of above-average intelligence (no super genius, unfortunately), but that my interest and passion can make up for my lack of Einstein-like algorithms. I think with the drive and courage that I possess, I may yet be able to make my life worth living.

And in my “old age” of 25, I'm starting to see things differently. I'm caring less what people think about me and more what I think about me. I'm becoming more honest (if harshly so), and it's incredibly revitalizing. I've been able to tell several gentleman that I am not interested in them. Painful, perhaps, but honest. And I'm trying to take honesty and criticisms better. I fully acknowledge that I am far from perfect. Yes, I am very well aware of that. BUT I do have the redeeming quality of the desire to better my life and (to a degree) the lives of those around me.

As for the future... I think I need to relax. A friend in college, after a lengthy IM, put it best when he said, “I think you just need to chill out.” Bingo. That's exactly it. Well, partially. I want to chill out about certain things (e.g., traffic, my neverending to-do list, etc.), but I don't want to relax about others. Some battles are worth fighting (e.g., poverty, intolerance, injustice, illiteracy, etc.).

The upcoming election may be part of the source of my optimism as well. Obama's message of hope is catchy. It's inspiring to a degree. I realize that hope can be dangerous (when you're horribly let down), but I think it's also part of what makes us human. Without hope... well, what are we? And back to the election, it's crazy to think that in 2 days, we'll likely know who our next president will be. Right now, at 3:14pm on Sunday, the 2nd of November, I have no idea who will lead our country next year. I dearly hope it's not McCain, but I'm nervous. What will happen to the U.S. If we get another republican in office? Are we then completely doomed? Up until recently, my exit strategy in the case of McCain's win had been to join the Peace Corps and leave this God-forsaken place. However, and I am reminded of 4 years ago, it is easy to run away. Every country has its problems, and the United States is (obviously) no exception. What happens if I just decide to stay? To not give up? To keep on going, even when the odds are stacked against me?

There was something I know now that I wish I had known in high school: I am stronger than I think. Today, a bit sick (cough, sore throat, etc.), I decided to keep on training for a 10k I'm running next week. I ran 6.25 miles and felt pretty decent afterwards. Around mile 3 in the run, though, I started getting those negative thoughts in my head.

“I can't do this,” I'd thought. “My lungs burn. I'm getting sick. I could just stop and walk the rest of it. I'm getting dehydrated. It's hot out.” ... ad nauseum.

In high school when I got those thoughts, I'd stop running and give in. I slowed down or just flat-out quit many a run during track and cross country seasons. As much as I love my mom, she taught me the fine art of quitting something I didn't immediately like. (And of course, this has proven both helpful and harmful.)

But now, at 25, I decided to go past those thoughts. I kept going, as I have for the past 6 months or so. When I get those negative ideas, I just keep going. Sometimes I have to do a sort of triage approach. (“Just one more lamppost,” or “just 2 more minutes, then you can stop.”) I'll trick myself into keeping going. And then, before I know it, I don't want to stop.

Mile 4 was easy. It felt good, and I was happy to trot along to my music. Mile 5 got difficult again. I got tired (since I usually train not more than 5 miles at present). But I was past the point of no return; I had but 1.25 miles to go, and I wasn't about to stop. So I broke down the run with the help of my Nike+. I waited for the “15 minutes to go,” then “10 minutes,” and so forth. The run is MUCH easier when broken into 5-minute increments.

At the end of the run, it was once again reinforced that yes, I CAN do these things that I decide to do. I can be a runner. I can teach. I can be a responsible and active person. I just wish I'd realized all this 10 years earlier...

Just a few moments ago, there was a young (20s??) guy sitting next to me. I didn't talk to him, but about 50% of the time I would've. He was waiting for his mom for a relaxing chat. His mother finally joined him, and they sat there for a bit, reading, drinking coffee, chatting. I felt a pang of sadness; I miss my own mom! As happy as I am with the lovely weather right now (about 78 in the shade in November), I miss my family. I'd love nothing more sometimes than to just call up my parents or sisters and say, “Hey, let's get some coffee,” or “Hey, let's go see that new movie.” Oh, that I could reconcile weather and family. Unfortunately for the latter, I have no desire to move back to Ohio. It's hard to be gloomy when every day is sunny and warm. I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts in November, and I'm comfortable (even a little warm)! This is why I moved here. That, and the amazing scenery all around. I love Arizona, I really do. I just wish I could move all my family and good friends here. That would be what heaven would be like, I think.

Which brings me to my next topic: God, or lack thereof...
So I'm still unsure of where I stand on the whole God thing. Maybe I always will be unsure, and that's just fine with me. I can certainly see the appeal of believing in a deity. It's gotta be reassuring to know that somewhere, someone is watching out for you. However, empirical evidence doesn't seem to support such a benevolent being. And really, what's so wrong about there not being a god? No judgment, nothing deeper than what is. Maybe the simpler explanation here is right. Who am I to say?

In my younger years, I believed (or wanted to believe) in God very much. I went to church, I prayed every night, I'd thank God for my fortunes and ask for help in more difficult times. Though I still pray, it feels hollow and pointless. Half the time, I fall asleep, hands folded, before I ever finish my prayers. However, I'm not to the point of strict atheism yet. I'm not totally sold either way. I'm in agnostic limbo, and that's my preference for the time being. Science is no substitute for God, nor God for science. I think there may be truth in both, and I don't think they're irreconcilable. What I mean is: why can't evolution exist alongside the teachings of the Bible? If we don't take the Bible quite so literally, can't “one day” really be a millennium, so the world was created in 7 millennia, not days? Who knows?

Probably the most appealing aspect of religion/faith is the promise of everlasting life. That, if you are a decent person (or an evil person who eventually repents), there is a place for you in heaven. Guaranteed. Who wouldn't want that? Admittedly, I struggle with death from time to time. It's kind of terrifying to think that, one day, I will completely cease to exist. That's it. No more. No matter how much energy I have... no matter how many thoughts and aspirations... no matter how much I love or hope or do... it'll all end. And if there is nothing after death, that's it. We all meet the same fate. If that's the truth, what's the point of morality? What, really, is the point of anything? That certainly is a hard idea to swallow (for me, at least). I guess on the flipside, though, immortality is terrifying to me as well. To NEVER cease to exist? To go on and on and on with no end, ever? Yeah, that's scary, too. Surely there is some happy medium somewhere in there. But I suppose that's not for me to know right now.

All right, I am off to finish lesson planning for tomorrow, since I'm fresh and inspired. The day is lovely here in Phoenix, Arizona. I will enjoy the rest of my day, and I hope you will, too. Cheers.

What we're doing at school!

So I wrote a song for my math students... Here are the lyrics:

Order… of Ops! (Repeat 4x)

(hook)
Down, down, do your math, do your math (Repeat 4x)


Verse One:
They say I'm a teacher, and I say yeah
They say what you doing, tryin’ to do some crazy math?
I just let the order of operations go
So all my classes can pass the 6th grade, yo
They got some crazy math, you gotta move your pencil
Crazy math, it's called the triple-O
It don't matter if you're 11 or you’re12 (here we go)
We gone show you how it go

Chorus:
Parentheses, parentheses, parentheses, parentheses,
Exponents, exponents, exponents, exponents,
Now mult or div, now mult or div,
Now add or subtract, now add or subtract
(let me see you do)

(hook) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Two:
Now you see what I'm talking about
I represent for the Bulldogs, yo
Where we known for mathing out
I'm gonna show you what I'm talking about

(hook 2x) + Chorus (2x)

Verse Three:
And do the order of ops
Do the order of Ops
It's ya friend PEMDAS, PEM to the DAS

Crazy math on the track, got another hittin beat
(here we go, hey)

(hook)


I performed it for them last week, and they liked it! Another teacher suggested I perform it WITH students and put it on YouTube... So we did it! :)

The concept was to have a “boring” teacher explaining the order of operations to her class. Then, as in a daydream, the students start whispering, “order of ops.” Then students and teachers burst into song! After the song, class resumes as if nothing had ever happened.

Below is the video (fear not; every student in it has a signed permission slip saying they can be on YouTube and the internet's public domain). Without further ado, enjoy!! :)

joke's on me

so it's late, i'm exhausted, i'm going through a paradigm shift of sorts (loooong story), and i just got back from the new kids on the block (nkotb) concert (photos to follow)...

but

this was hilarious... admittedly, i'm on a free dating site, and i have a small disclaimer on my profile. it reads:

And a snotty P.S. from me: If you write to me and you can't correctly spell "your"/"you're" or "their"/"there"/"they're" or the like, I probably won't respond to you. Sorry. Maybe check on your grammatical skills and try again! :)


so there's that...

and tonight i received the BEST message of all time. it is documented below, completely unedited for your viewing pleasure. have a great night!

whats going on, how are you? ok, so I have to ask.... not to be rude or sound like a complete ass... but what makes or who made you so perfect in todays world? so if someone does not have the best grammer does that make them a terrible person? Hell I am a very smart guy, does not mean I am going to spell correctly EVERY SINGLE TIME. your ego sounds like your a little to classy and to good for yourself. something so little as spelling and if someone doesnt spell/type a word completely correct to the right grammered way then you will not talk to them. let me tell you life is a little more indepth than knowing how to spell EVERYTHING correct you need to look at the big picture not just the small little things.. You are talking to an almost dr, and your makin statements that are insane.. I truely think that before u start typing to people on the net or anywhere else you should gain reality in life and not expect.......

My October Story

My morning was off to a ROUGH start, let me tell you! So I’m “training” for the half (I say “training” because I have no idea what I’m doing!) … and today I’d decided to step it up to a 4-mile run (per my plan)… so the run started off well… According to my Garmin watch (with GPS!), I was keeping about a 9:34 pace, which is AWESOME for me. So I was all happy. And I started on a new route today, since my mileage slightly increased.

About halfway through the run, the sidewalk had a slight dip in it. “Ooh!” I”d thought to myself, “I can surely fly down that little hill!” And fly I did… I totally biffed it!! OUCH!!!! My knee & my whole right forearm were TOTALLY scraped up, bloody, etc. It HURT!!! I was shocked at first, then I cried, then wallowed in self pity for a few minutes. Yuck. Eventually, I got back up and started walking, which was pretty painful. I tried running again, but it hurt, so I walked. After about 5-10 minutes of walking, though, I realized I wouldn’t make it home in time to get ready for school if I kept walking. I realized I’d be in pain whether I walked or ran, so I decided to start running again. After a minute or two, I felt OK (though my arm was SCREAMING in pain from the wind resistance)… and I actually felt good after another mile. I picked my pace up from a 9:51 mile to a 9:40 mile, which was pretty decent considering the circumstances. At the end of the 4.18 miles (which is what 41 minutes of running got me), I stopped and walked.

As soon as I started walking, my knee was in excruciating pain!! Ow!! I limped in the house, got some water, made some coffee, then dragged my tattered self upstairs. It was only 6:25, so I still had about 45 minutes to get ready. However, I was in such awful pain that I had to sit on the couch, prop my bloody leg up, and ice it. OUCH!! Holy CRAP, did that hurt. The tears streamed down, and I started feeling bad again. I’d considered calling off school today, but figured I didn’t want another day off before our break! (I’d called off the day after Noah broke up with me.)

Eventually, I mustered up the strength to take a shower and rinse off… OW!!!!! I used the coolest water possible, and it still was an absolutely horrid situation. I woke my roommate up at 7 to help me clean the wounds (I didn’t want to put any ointment on myself!!). I took 1,000mg of ibuprofen and stifled the screams as my roommate helped me clean up. I have photos, too! Even Barbie took some because she was so impressed. ;) I’m legit!

I got to school, and immediately got the sympathy of EVERYONE. I’m not gonna lie- it was pretty nice. Fortunately, our school nurse was there and she helped dress the wounds. The knee hurts MORE now that it’s all bandaged (since the bandage moves a bit every time I walk), but I suppose it’s for the best. I had to hobble out to morning bus duty, where I had a student bring me a chair. I sat for a few minutes, and then was called to the office. A nice teacher watched the bus area for me, and I went to the office…

… Only to get chewed out by an irate mother!! “You’re not doing your job,” she’d scolded, angrily. “My son has dyslexia, and you’re doing NOTHING to help him. He’s failing, and it’s your fault.” I told the mother I wasn’t aware her son had dyslexia (it’s not on his IEP). “Well you’re his teacher, right? It’s YOUR job to read the paperwork.” BLEH!! I actually broke down crying in the middle of angry momma’s rant and ended the conversation like a wounded puppy. The office ladies kicked out the students in the office the second I started crying, so I could save face. Man, that woman tore me apart. Bleh! She ended with, “If things ain’t fixed tonight, I’ma come up there tomorrow and talk to you in person. Bye.” YUCK!!

Anyway, the day’s been ok otherwise. The kids are generally sympathetic and helpful and they find it funny that their teacher has to limp around like a gimp all day. At the middle of my 3rd class, I finally had to sit down. “If you have questions, please come to me,” I’d requested. The kids generally obliged, which was very helpful.

So that’s my start of October 2008!

The lone toothbrush

Before I go to sleep, I had some thoughts that were dying to get out. Too many nights, I have all these things I want to write down, but my desire to sleep usually wins out. Tonight while brushing my teeth, I got to thinking: Thoughts are fleeting; the written word lasts much longer. So I've decided to sacrifice 20 minutes of sleep to get some ruminations out there.

First and foremost on my mind is the breakup that transpired just two weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still pretty sad about it, and I think I will be for a bit longer. I miss knowing that my weekends were going to be full of "couple time," I miss cuddling, I miss the little "extras" that are included in any decent relationship. However, I know I'm romanticizing things, and that all was not hunky-dory (or else I wouldn't be writing this at present).

Fortunately, for the heartbroken like yours truly, I found a good resource! Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up ... The video at the end proved a helpful reminder, too, that life still goes on.

The title of this post comes from getting ready for bed this evening. My ex gave my roommate back the stuff I'd left at his place. (My roommate still plays on the ex's softball team, which is weird and uncomfortable for me... but the ex and I were able to exchange our stuff through the roommie, so that was helpful.) Anyway, I was going through my bag of "returns" tonight and came across the toothbrush that I'd left at his place. I put it in the cabinet and peered at the toothbrush holder on the sink. Said holder used to contain his and my toothbrushes; now it (obviously) just holds mine. I looked at it tonight, and was suddenly saddened. It just really hit home: I *am* that lone toothbrush. Sigh.

However, as life seems to be cyclical, I know I will be over this in a bit. I've had much more devastating breakups, so this should be not really a big deal. I think the main problem is that I'm just getting sick of dating. All things considered, I really enjoyed being in this past relationship. I enjoyed the reliability and consistency of having someone there who I knew would care for me and I him (even though it wasn't perfect). And part of me still wants to contact him, see him... and of course I still hope that he'll want to get back together. But then my rational side steps in and nicely but firmly reminds me: "It's over."

This seems like the time, then, for me to enjoy the solitude. It need not be devastating... I've got good friends here, and I have a wonderful family I can chat with whenever I want. I just... I dunno.

Anyway, this entry was meant to be a lot more insightful and amazing than it turned out... someday! Turns out my little brain's too tired to handle breathtaking works of literature at this time. Perhaps in the near future...

For now, kind readers, I bid you a good night.

Life goes on...

... so since my last entry, my (now ex-)boyfriend broke up with me. Ouch! I didn't see it coming, but what are you gonna do? Fooey on that. I'm getting over it slowly.

Anyway, I had the most random talk with our custodian at school tonight... He's a nice man of 65, and was telling me he's been married to his wife for 45 years (!!). Anyway, he is coming to grips with his mortality... Here, I was just IMing with a friend, and here's the story portion:

i had just finished an ok day of teaching and then an hour and a half of tutoring... so my brain was fried. it was like 5:20pm, and the custodian (a guy in his mid-60s) came in and started talking to me about life

at 65, he's starting to have some issues with his morality

and he told me, "when my wife and i were young, we knew we had all the time in the world. we could make plans for decades down the line... and now... we can't."

and it just kinda hit me, since i saw how much it was hitting him

it was a good reminder not to be so trivial

...

and really, it is. I keep trying to counsel myself, and it's helping. There's a question: "A year from now, will this matter? Two years from now?"... etc. So that helps.

Anyway, it's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime. Good night!

Oh, and P.S.: What's the thought on karma these days? Do people buy into it? Is it a cop-out? Does it even hold true? Let me know whatcha think!

What are the odds?

So what on paper looked like it would be a so-so day (full day of school, no prep time, softball, etc.) actually turned out well! My lessons yesterday were ok (I don't think I'll be a stellar teacher for another year or two), but I got goofier as the day went on, which always entertains the kids. We have a nice little back-and-forth thing where we hassle each other a bit, then get back to work.

At the end of my 5th hour class (which is usually hands-down the worst class of the day, but today was actually pretty decent), the science teacher came in to inform me that I was to sub for another teacher during my prep period. Luckily I didn't need to prep at that particular time, so it turned out OK.

Anyway, I subbed for an 8th grade social studies class, and it wasn't too painful. According to the kids, some of them were 15 and 16 (in *8th* grade!!!). It seems some of them had failed 8th grade a time or two. I got them to work independently for the start of class, then I let them work in groups afterward. At the end of class, I had an "off-the-record" discussion with them about the Latino drop-out rate for high school. (Latinos lead the nation, far ahead of any other race.) I implored them to graduate high school or at least get their GED to make their lives better. We'll see... but I will say that I was happy to see my little 6th graders for my final class of the day. Much nicer! :)

Finally, both games of softball were actually fun! In the second game, it was the bottom of the last inning, 2 outs, we were down by just a few runs, and I was up to bat. ("Oh, boy," I thought, "I'll probably be the third out.") There was another game previously where I had been the third out and the game ended. (Gotta love inductive reasoning.) So I stepped up to the plate, a little shaky. My prior strategy last night was to not swing at any pitches, putting all the pressure on the pitcher. That got me on base both times I was up at bat. This time, I swung at one and missed. Then before I knew it, it was full count, one runner on base. Eesh! I swung with my all... and hit it!! Woo hoo! Fortunately, the shortstop missed and I got on base and advanced the runner ahead of me. That was enough to keep the game going! It actually felt pretty cool; there was hope yet for our team! In the end, though, we lost 10-9. So close! In that game, I'd scored 2 runs, so I was pretty proud of myself. Next, I try to tackle fielding- who would've thought grounders would be so hard to catch!?

Okee... for now, I'm off to lesson plan and spend the day with my man. Cheers! :)

Life is sweet.

I'm exhausted, but wanted to say quickly that life is dang good right now. I feel so fortunate, for I have it all: a job I think I'll like (and be decent at and that will benefit society), a wonderful boyfriend (whom I get crazier about every day), an awesome family, a cool living situation, a functional car, good health, and more. I have absolutely NO complaints at this time.

Oooh, and a good thing happened today: I went to the batting cages, and I didn't suck! It was actually... fun. I enjoyed it, and I'm looking a bit more forward to this Friday (my 25th b-day!), where I'll play my first double-header on a co-ed team led by my boyfriend. Should be fun, hopefully!

For now, I get to sleep so I can be fresh & ready for week 2 of teaching! Cheers, and good night!

Welcome to the ... desert.

So I've been here nearly a month now, and what I'm about to say may shock you.

Arizona is HOT in July!!!

Anyway, I'm getting my new life all set up here, and I'm happy to say things are going well. I've got it all: a car, a (rented) house, two cool roommates, my cat (Isaac got to move with me!), an awesome boyfriend, and a promising new job. No complaints here, that's for sure.

Today marks my fourth day of newbie in-services at my school district. I must say, I'm impressed overall with the district and its employees. Most of the other staff seem confident, professional, and relatively happy; what a change from Mayer!! It seems I have some amazing opportunities for growth here, and I'm stoked to get started!

So the last two days, I went to the Diamondbacks/Cubs game with the boyfriend... The Cubs got killed (9-2) on Tuesday night, but came back (10-6) last night. It was a victory long in the making for Cubs fans.



Anyway, lately I've been trying to be what I like to call a "keen observer of humanity." (This is partially because I've decided not to drink alcohol again until my 25th b-day next month, and I needed *something* to occupy my mind in the meantime!) During said observing, an old belief of mine has been reaffirmed, and another is being formed. First, people (in general) seem to like to have something to cheer FOR as well as AGAINST. This has been confirmed time and time again in my head, from sporting events to wars to politicians to... well, pretty much anything. People like to take stances on things, and I'm no exception to that rule.

However, I've been wondering recently if I should judge this "cheering instinct," as I'll call it at present. Sure, it seems innocent enough at a sporting level, but is it? At the last two nights' games, I witnessed people behaving stupidly in the name of "loyalty" to their preferred baseball team. Before each game (as at most sporting events), fans rise and unite while the National Anthem is performed. Right after that, though, the unity falls and the brutal division begins. When alcohol is thrown into the mix, it's all the more ludicrous. Case in point: on Tuesday night, near the end of the game, two grown men (a Cubs fan and a Diamondbacks fan) had a ridiculous brawl in the middle of the seats. Many people joined in, and more watched, fascinated. I averted my eyes, quickly dismissing the event as drunken idiocy. But is it something more? Are people so eager to fight for a cause that they're willing to let everything else slip by the wayside?

If you think about it, we're constantly judging and placing values on things every day. Whenever we say "good" or "bad" or "that sucks" or "right on," we're judging. In fact, I'm sure we probably do it every few minutes or so about something. At church, it's God= good, Devil= bad and there's unity for a moment. When you get to the parking lot, though, the seemingly united whorshippers are angrily cutting each other off or impatiently waiting for their pewmate to get on the road.

Perhaps this dilemma will never be answered to my satisfaction, I'm not sure. For now, I suppose all I can do is observe. I will say, though, that it seems there are some glaring good things (e.g., education, tolerance, etc.) and some horrendously obvious bad things (e.g., genocide, anger, poverty, etc.). To be indifferent, it seems, is to be inhuman. Yet... where do we draw the line?

Fin.

So there goes my all-time favorite job so far this lifetime... I will miss everyone dearly! Below, I'll post a few photos for you to see the antics of my last 2 days here.

Yavapai County Community Health Services, I salute you.

Mo' betta!

yay!! Mb is just that: "Mo' betta." The LEEP went off yesterday, apparently, without a hitch. I was put under general anesthesia, which took me by surprise when I was informed of it; I'd assumed I'd be awake the whole time.

My final pre-op dialogue went like this:

Me: "Hey, Doc, would you give me the play-by-play with all this, so I know what to expect?"
Anesthesiologist: "Sure!"
Me: "Cool, thanks."
A: "Not a prob."
Me: "So, how long 'til I go unconscious?"
A: "I'll letcha know ASAP."
Me: "Cool... Whoa, I'm woozy-" and out!


I came to, and felt quite drunk. My dialogue with the recovery room nurse went like this:

Me: "Wow, you guys are efficient!"
Nurse: "Yeah, so they say."
Me: "I'm impressed. Thanks. By the way, do you like your line of work?"
Nurse: "Yeah, I do. Quite a bit."
Me: "Cool. I always thought it'd be interesting to be a nurse. Very noble."
Nurse: "Thanks! Have you ever taken any nursing classes?"
Me: [lying and woozy] "Oh, I took some A & P courses at some point." [Then it occurred to me I probably sounded drunk.] "Sorry for my slurred speech."
Nurse: "No prob!"


Anyway, now I'm feeling pretty good... despite extremely painful urination. They gave me some Tylenol "Number 3" (with codeine)... but I don't want to use it if I don't have to. Ibuprofen is more than sufficient at the time being, so I should be good.

So that's the update, kids. All is well... for now! :)

Eek!

So the time draws nearer for the LEEP procedure... (If you aren't up-to-date on the saga, see the last few entries.) I leave my office in 45 minutes, and then have to do a lot of driving & waiting. Joy.

Fortunately, I've got a lot of help. My awesome buddy, Fandrew, will be helping out today, and the next two days, my coworkers are gonna be available. Friday, I get to see Noah (the new man) for the weekend. I should be golden!

Anyway, after all the panicking and worrying I've been doing about this stuff, it'll all come to a close today (hopefully!). I'll write tomorrow, when I'm more coherent and less flustered!

Until then... peace out!

A 180

So, wow... things have completely turned around in a short period of time!! :) Here are the updates:

1.) My car will be fixed tomorrow, which means I have to give my beloved rental (a Pontaic G6) back... but it's cool.



2.) I will officially be moving to the Phoenix area during the next two weeks! I found an awesome roommate (thanks, roommates.com!!), and she's finishing up school to be a teacher, too! Which brings me to the next point...

3.) Pending a smooth meeting-of-the-administration tomorrow morning, I will be teaching 6th grade math at a Phoenix-area middle school!! :D I'm scared as hell, but I think it can also be awesome!! (One subject... 50-minute periods... one grade... Heaven!) I'll create a separate blog for that, fear not.

4.) My dysplasia's still kicking my cervix's butt (heh), but I'll be having that procedure done in a week, while I still have health insurance. Shouldn't be life-shattering.


So, in short, things are MUCH better! Thank you ALL so much for your kind thoughts; I think that helped me a great deal!

And now, back to packing...

fuck. (pardon my french)

it's just been a really crappy past few days... here are my recent trials and tribulations:

-i got in a car accident on sunday (a guy turned into me- his fault- but i wasn't able to stop in time and essentially drove right into him)... we were both ok, and i got a free rental car for the time being, but...

-my insurance people called today, saying that they may take my car as a "total loss," i guess which means they'll give me some money and not my car. (curses- i need a car, and i like the one i've got!!)

-my cervical dysplasia (essentially pre-cancer) is back in full force, worse than last time. the doctor wants to be more aggressive with it, so i'm gonna have the leep procedure done sometime in the next week or two. yuck.

-i have to be out of my house in less than 3 weeks now, and i don't know yet where i'm going or what i'm doing.

-i have no idea what i want to do with my life in general.

yuck!!

and here are some of the things i've read about the leep procedure which have sent me into tears:

-Risks
* After the surgery, a small number of women (less than 10%) may have significant bleeding that requires vaginal packing or a blood transfusion.
* Infection of the cervix or uterus may develop (rare).
* Narrowing of the cervix (cervical stenosis) that can cause infertility may occur (rare).
* Once a woman has had LEEP, she has a higher risk of delivering a baby early.


Fantastic... and here we are.

as an aside, i got accepted into ucla's paralegal program, which begins in about a month... i have to decide very quickly if i will be moving to the los angeles area to go back to school for 4.5 months... it's gonna be one heck of an adventure. for now, adieu.

And so it goes...

(Sorry, I'm totally hooked on that Billy Joel song at the moment.)

Well, I just finished reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. PHENOMENAL book... wow. Mr. Pausch has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and doesn't have much logner to live. He gave a lecture at Carnegie Mellon University and then had it turned into a book. Incredible!

Anyway, this dying fellow's story got me sort of re-examining my life and trying to appreciate the things I take for granted. Though I realize it's not anywhere *near* as intense as dying, I know that my days at this job are numbered (18 left, to be precise)... and I'm almost done living in Cottonwood. Thus, I'm trying to take everything in I can. That includes appreciating(among other things) the following:

*the myriad stars I can see each night
*the smell of Cottonwood and northern Arizona in general: delightful and clean!
*my 5-minute commute to work each day
*having a HUGE room, a really nice house, and an awesome roommate (who's now in Colorado for the summer)
*my lovely cat, Isaac, for whom I'll probably have to find a new home soon
*complete and utter independence (which I may temporarily lose if/when I move to L.A.)
*having amazing and fun coworkers
*being proficient at my job and having downtime at work to plan for my future
*feeling like a member of the community, frequently knowing people around town
*the LOVELY scenery around here!!!!

However, I now accept that it's time for me to move on. At this point, I'm 95% certain that I will be moving to L.A. in a few weeks. While I'm scared by this concept, I'm also excited for the new opportunity it brings. I toured UCLA last weekend, and I was completely charmed by it!! I find out next Wednesday if I'm in or not and if I am, I'm going! :)

Also, trying to keep things fun, I've created some lovely LOLCat-eqsue images for you!! :) Enjoy, and I'll catch you guys on the flipside!

This blew my mind!

So sometimes, when I get so caught up in my own life, I tend to forget how crazy awesome the universe can be. I was perusing one of my new favorite sites (http://www.drudgereport.com/), and they had one of NASA's pictures of the day on their site.

Today's picture was Jupiter... apparently, Jupiter is creating more big, red spots (like the infamous one that is more than two Earth-lengths in diameter). Ever since I was a kid, I've been fascinated to no end with space, and with Jupiter in particular. First of all, badass name. Second, the big, red spot is enormous!! Everything we know in our own world is dwarfed by Jupiter's enormous storm. And now there are more! Crazy.

Anyway, I found another picture on NASA's site that just blew my mind...



I am always astounded when two seemingly-unrelated natural occurences (like, perhaps typhoons and galaxies!) look very similar. (I'm also intrigued by the similarities among trees, rivers, and lightning... they all take on similar forms!)

Anyway, it was the above image that reminded me that life can be pretty amazing. It's easy to lose sight of that when you're caught up in your own life and troubles, and it's SO nice to just look around you and appreciate stuff. So here I am, appreciating the majesty that is our universe. (No, I haven't gone off the deep end... I'm just trying to lighten up for a bit!)

On a personal note, I haven't yet decided on my own future. The two options I'm humoring right now are teaching in Phoenix or going to paralegal school in Los Angeles. We'll see; I have to make a decision soon!! Eek! However, this weekend should be awesome... I have a good friend flying out, and I'm hosting my first BBQ at my house tomorrow! Score! :)

Okee... I think that's about it for now. Don't forget to stop and take a look around, y'all!

Oh, and I'll end with a quote from John Mayer's song, "Say"...

"Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations"

Decisions!!

So, my friends, here it is: another time of decisions. I have to choose a job and a place to live sometime within the next two months. It seems that I'll most likely go back to teaching, though I'm uncertain for how long.

I just had a job interview at our local middle school an hour ago. Although I was extremely nervous, it seemed to go reasonably well. I think it's a good thing when you're able to joke around easily with your potential coworkers.

Today was quite a day!! We had our community event "Body Walk," which takes area 3rd graders on a trip throughout the body. As in March, I was Dr. Lungenstein, who told kids (in a bad, fake German accent) about the dangers of tobacco use. Here's me in full costume:



So with yesterday, today and tomorrow, we'll have seen almost 500 third graders! It's pretty exhausting, but very enjoyable. That was today at work. After work, I had a CFT (Child-Family Team) meeting for my CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocate) girl... It was very interesting! I tried to help as much as I could, but I'm not sure what resources are available yet, so it was difficult to contribute much. Right after the CFT meeting, I had to jet over to the middle school for the aforementioned job interview. Overall, I think it was good. They were already familiar with the rap I performed last month at the school.



Aaaaaaaaaaanyway, I have somewhat of a dilemma... Do I go where the staff is cool and I know the area (Cottonwood), but the pay is just ok... OR do I go somewhere new and different that pays very well (Yuma)? I got another call yesterday from a district down in BFE: it's right near Yuma, which is on the Arizona/California/Mexico border. Wicked. It's 3 hours from both Phoenix and San Diego (in between), and it's only an hour or two from the ocean!! However, I don't know anyone there, and I'm very nervous about my Spanish-speaking abilities. (I'd have to practice a LOT!) However... it's a challenge and it's new and different (and it pays about $10,000/year more than the local job). Eek!! Decisions!! I'm just really, really unsure of what to do. Thoughts/comments are always welcome!

Okee... for now I'm off, but I'll catch you all on the flipside!

Peace out.

My runs!! :)

Yo, yo... finished my first 10k ever! And now I'm trying to upload Nike +'s stats from my Nano... I'm not sure how accurate they are (long story), but it's a start... chizzeck it out:

A coveted moment to myself

So my business class let out early tonight, and I'm left alone in the classroom with my thoughts. It's actually pretty cool.

Anyway, welcome to Mb's head. Feel free to stop reading at any point! :)

Last week, I watched the movie "The Kite Runner." I thought it was outstanding, because it made me think long after the movie was over. I also had had a brief bout of patriotism brought on by "The Kite Runner," which is no small feat. I realized that yes, as Americans, we do have a great degree of freedom which I usually don't give a second thought. We are able to dress and speak and live (basically) as we choose. It's really not such a bad life. No, I don't agree with most of our leaders, and no, I don't think war is a good answer... but my day-to-day life is pretty damn good, especially when compared to life in war-torn nations.

Next up: on being an over-achiever. I like to think of myself as a sporadic over-achiever. That is to say, when something takes my interest (be it a boy or a work project or a homework assignment or whatever), I take it and run with it. Lately, I've been having a great deal of fun working on Power Point presentations for the aforementioned business class I'm taking. I really enjoy putting those little puppies together. I think they're clever, amusing, and well-written (not unlike this blog??). They do have more photos, though. Let me try and insert some sample slides... (Click on any slide to make it full-screen.)



I did it!! That was my title slide from tonight's presentation. Here are some others I like:



(The next few are older)...








Ha! So I like to go "above and beyond" on stuff like this. It's fun. I just... I guess I just wish more people got more enthusiastic about more things. Hmm... like, I wish people in general had more of a passion for doing positive things (for themselves and others) than being so petty and unoriginal. Sigh.

Next... I'm freaking out about my job status. I still have 2.5 more months to find something, but it's unnerving as all get-out. My top 4 choices at this particular moment (in order):

1.) Teach outside the country with the Department of Defense Educational Activity (DoDDEA).
2.) Teach somewhere in Arizona (probably Phoenix).
3.) Go back to school for either a paralegal or other professional degree.
4.) Work as a detention officer for a year or so and learn an immense amount about humanity.*

So those are some of the options I'm weighing at present.

I think that's it for now. Oh, and I like my teenage smoking cessation class a lot. I'm on my second class, and this group is 6 boys who come from 4 different countries (South Korea, Brazil, Germany, and El Salvador). I realized today, during our discussion, that I genuinely like each one and want what's best for them. They, like so many teenagers I've seen, are intelligent and insightful. They have good thoughts and ideas, and I want to help empower them to do something positive with their lives. Hm. Maybe I *should* go back to teaching.

Fin.

*Mom, I know you won't like this fourth option. Sorry. But I think it'd be a fascinating study on human nature. I'll be safe, don't worry! :)

Creativity...

So my coworker and I are preparing to do this AWESOME presentation for 6th and 8th graders on Friday... I've decided to do an anti-tobacco rap, but all the ones we have suck... So I rewrote "Yeah" (by Usher, feat. Lil' Jon & Ludacris)! Here are my new lyrics:

"No!”
(feat. Mb & JB)

[Mb:]
Peace up! C-wood!

[JB:]
No, no! No way!

(JB! Mb! JB! Mb!)

[Mb:]
Let’s go!

[JB:]
No, no, no… no, no, no, no…

[Mb(Verse 1):]

Up getting’ lunch with my homies, tryin’ to get a lil’ pizza,
but it looks really greasy,
‘cause you know how it is.
I saw a cutie checkin’ up on me, from the way he was smilin’ my way,
you would think that he knew me,
So we decided to chill…

He asked me to smoke with him,
He had me feelin’ like I’m ready to puke!
(Watch out! Oh! Watch out!)
He’s saying, “Smoke with me! Smoke with me,”
So I got up and l let him watch me go,
He said, “Please just try one!”
Then I told him, I said,

No, no, no….


[Mb/JB(Chorus):]
No (no) Smoker hacked phlegm balls and said, “Smoke with me”
No (no) I got so grossed out I forgot he told me
No (no) His mom got emphysema and cancer
No (no) Next thing I knew he was all up on me, coughing
No, no, no…

[JB(Verse 2):]

So he’s all up in my grill now,
Got me thinking that it might be stupid to smoke like him,
‘Cause he’s ready to hurl (ready to hurl)
But I gotta keep it real now,
‘Cause he’s in my math class in the seat next to me,
And that’ d be awkward.
Because I don’t know
If I take that chance
Just where it’s gonna lead,
But what I do know
Is the way he smells
Makes cutie real gross to me.
The way he’s (so broke!)
I’m like, NO, just wanna save my money.
He asked if I had a light,
I said, “Yeah right!”
Why on earth is he smokin’ that stuff?
And I said….

[Mb/JB(Chorus):]
No (no) Smoker hacked phlegm balls and said, “Smoke with me”
No (no) I got so grossed out I forgot he told me
No (no) His mom got emphysema and cancer
No (no) Next thing I knew he was all up on me, coughing
No, no, no…

[Mb:]
Hey, JB!

[Mb(Verse 3):]
Watch out!
Tobacco’s ridiculous,
In the mags, looking so obnoxious.
And wow, these companies are tryin’ ‘to hook,
Young kids ‘cause they think they like the look…
Forget about the game, I'm a spit the truth,
They won’t stop ‘til they get you in a funeral suit,
So give ‘em your money and it’ll be gone with your lives,
All so this stupid industry can survive…
I left the cigs and I took my health,
Now I’m the one who will keep all of my wealth,
How you like me now,
When smokers spend over one hundred thousand…
That’s just for a pack a day
Of smokes and not much more, for realz
They get ya hooked now and leave you dead,
They want people who don’t think and use their head…

[Chorus]

[Mb/JB(Bridge):]
Take that and rewind it back, JB got the skillz to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, Mb got the facts to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, JB got the help to make ya wanna say NO
Take that and rewind it back, Mb got the ways to make ya wanna say NO

Lame, lame,lame...

So there goes me job... It's not "for sure" yet, but my boss said she really doesn't think my position will stay after our HUGE budget cut. :(

Other services of ours that are being cut as of July 1, 2008:

-ALL cessation classes (including my work with the teenagers!!)
-ALL prevention past 8th grade (meaning we will no longer do classes in high schools)
-ALL community events (like health fairs)

... SuckY!!! :( Silly mis-managing of $$. I deem this whole thing lame. (By "lame," of course, I mean ridiculous, unfounded, and stupid.)

Grrr...

So now I'm hunting for jobs. The Department of Defense has a sweet education program that I'm thinking about... You'd teach abroad on a U.S. military base... As a matter of fact, I'm gonna start applying for that now... Peace!

Injustice

So there's been a LOT of crap going down here at the County Health Department lately... I'll give you a brief summary, so you can be as outraged as I am.

1.) A few weeks ago, there was a big "scandal" because of some pamphlets people in different programs were distributing. The pamphlets provided legal advice/info for immigrants. Since the brochure was in Spanish, I'm assuming it was geared towards Mexican immigrants, which is a large demographic in Arizona. Anyway, the pamphlets stated something to the effect of waiting to have a lawyer before talking to ANYTHING pertaining to legal status/law. (This would mean one's residency status was in question.) Apparently, this was HUGE, and several people almost lost their jobs for providing this information.

2.) 2 weeks ago, we hosted a successful event in the area called "Teen Maze." It was awesome. Here are a few pictures from the tobacco booth (which I was in charge of), as well as an overhead view of the entire set-up:







Anyway, at this event, one of the "stations" was about STDs and safe sex. The gal we had doing it is PHENOMENAL at it, and she got rave reviews from the kids, the teachers, and from us (of course). There is NO question that the kids here (and everywhere, really) need this information!! There are far too many STDs and teen pregnancies going around, and these issues absolutely need to be addressed to the population at large.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels the way we (the health department) do about this. :( Several irate parents called us, as well as a few nervous school administrators, after the event to complain.

LONG story short, because of a handful of complaints (6, I think, was the total number), the girl lost her job. Done. She officially resigned yesterday. (She was given the option to resign or be fired.) We were all PISSED!!! A health educator lost her job over DOING her job!! What the hell!? Things here are very somber today, as we mourn the loss of one of our finest employees.

3.) We just found out yesterday that the State is cutting our tobacco budget significantly. Other counties have seen cuts of 40% and 60% (!!!) of their tobacco budgets, and we'll find out our fate on Monday. We know for certain, though, that ALL tobacco cessation efforts will be cut with the exception of a 1-800 number people can call. That means that ALL the work I've been doing with adults and teenagers will be cut. Gone. Kaput. Also, they're definitely cutting our efforts with high-schoolers. No more tobacco education past grade 8. NOT cool. So we're also super pissed about that. Finally, because of the cut, I may be out of a job as of July 1st. (That's when our grant would be cut.) Sucky!! Just when I was really getting the hang of this whole thing... I would be the first to go, since I haven't been here as long as everyone else. Sigh.


So, faithful readers, this is a sad day (and week, really) in our little corner of the world. I'm considering alternate plans for my future, and here are some of my best options:

1.) Go back to teaching.
2.) Go back to school (I'm still seriously considering ASU's program, but I'd have to do it sooner than anticipated).
3.) Teach abroad!! (We have a coworker and her husband leaving next month to teach English in South Korea for a year, and it's sounding pretty darn tempting to do something similar.)
4.) Go into an entirely different field of employment.

We'll see. So as of this moment, I don't know what I'll be doing in July. Happy weekend, everyone.

A bit of ... everything?

Hokay, first: one of the bomb diggity-est anti-tobacco videos I've seen yet:

http://www.thetruth.com/videos/typo.cfm

AWESOME!!!

Next, a SCHWEET website with hilarious t-shirts:

http://www.bustedtees.com/

(I didn't embed the links because I wanted you to see the addresses easily.) :)

Finally, what is an olive??? Is it a fruit? A veggie? A legume? A nut?? What??!?! That was our debate at dinner last night.



P.S. The polygraph turned out A-OK. The woman who went after me, however, didn't pass!! I'm glad I went before her!!

P.P.S. Photo credit here.

My polygraph!

So today I took my first (and hopefully last!) polygraph test!! Eeek!!

Why, you might ask, would an upstanding citizen such as myself need to take such a test? Well, I'll tell you!

The short of it is that I'm trying to be a Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for a child/children in the area. Since I'd be "working" for the Supreme Court, I am required to pass a polygraph. Crazy!!

Anyway, it was very interesting. The guy (who was very nice and who walked me through the whole thing) asked me 2 sets of questions, each set having 30 questions in it. We went over them together, and then I had to answer them again while hooked up to the machine. Crazy!

The apparatus, straight out of 1972, had 3 measuring implements:

1.) a blood-pressure cuff
2.) 2 electronode thingees to measure how much sweat I produced
3.) a phone-cord-like thing that went around my chest to measure my breathing

It was wild! Anyway... arg... Looks like it's time for me to go to job #2 (tutoring), then band, so I'll have to conclude this enthralling story later! Ciao!

How I turned my frown upside down...

(Before you start reading: If my blog bores you, feel free to stop reading. I don't need to hear about your boredom; I write this for me, and I'm up for sharing my experiences with whatever audience wants to read them. So there!) :)

... So today started off ok... My 9:00 tutee cancelled, leaving me some coveted time to read and relax this morning. I was the only tutor at the college today (from 10am-2pm, which is the full time the tutoring center is open), so I was a bit apprehensive. It turned out mostly ok.

There was one woman I just wasn't able to help, though. I had *completely* forgotten how to do 2 of her problems, so I think I caused more inital confusion than good. (With the help of another tutor who was just "hanging out" there today, we got everything done, but it was still frustrating.) Eventually (after messing up a second time), I put my head down out of sheer exasperation with myself. I excused myself to the bathroom, where I actually cried!! Egads! When I'd composed myself a few minutes later, I returned to find that the kindly off-duty tutor had helped our hestitant math tutee. Thank goodness!

Aside from that, tutoring today was fine. When I was calming myself down, I promised myself a nice, long run when I got home, and that made me feel much better.

I got home, and shortly thereafter, my roommate and his parents came in. We all hung out for a bit, and then off for a run I went!

I was aiming for 55 or more minutes, which should put me right around 5 miles. Around minute 35, my right foot started KILLING me with a stupid blister I get from my running shoes. (To combat this, I usually double-up on socks or wear a bandaid, or both. Today, I had a bandaid.) I stopped at minute 36 to tighten the laces on my shoe, but the pain was still pretty bad. At minute 37, I stopped again and pulled the bandaid off. At minute 38, in sheer agonizing pain, I stopped completely, tears welling in my eyes.

Usually around 20-22 minutes, I get chest & shoulder cramps. Today was no exception, but I ran through them. I was feeling strong and capable after that. That's why it was SOOOOO maddening to have to stop becuase of my foot!! Usually the lungs are the things to hurt the most, but after running through that, the foot pain was unbearable. I cried (again!!) for a while, absolutely PISSED that I had to stop.

"What if this happens in the half-marathon?" I'd wondered. With this thought, tears ran down my face.

"What if my shoes cause excruciating pain during a race and I have to stop?" The thoughts kept coming, and I felt indescribably angry and sad.

Luckily, my iPod was still crankin' away, so I walked briskly for 30 minutes to the tunes. Since I'd planned on taking a long run today, I went farther from my house than I normally do (today, about 3 miles out). That meant I had to limp back a LOOOONG way, the sun beating down on me, which made me even more upset!

While I was walking through the pain and self-defeat, another runner and I crossed paths. This made me feel even crappier!! :( He was truckin' away at a good pace, and gave a friendly smile & wave. I tried my best to look like I was in awful pain (which I was!), and I returned a half-hearted smile.

"What the hell else?!" I wondered, angrily, at God/the Universe/the powers that be/nature. "Are you gonna send people I know this way, so I can be super humiliated? Will I also twist an ankle? Will I get horribly sunburned??" Ugh!!

A few minutes later, I decided to change my attitude.

I told myself I was grateful for being able to walk, and that I'd be able to run again soon. I set up a course of action: rest up a day or two, and bandage up super well for the next run. Next weekend, when I'm in Phoenix, I'll get fitted for (and buy!) a pair of shoes that actually work for my foot! After that, I'll be golden!

The music really helped, too. I played some good "pissed-off" songs, and then gradually let the "powerful" songs play.



Then it happened: my second wind and determination!! It was just the right combination: the sun was diagonally behind me, the wind was refreshing, the right song was going, and there was a downhill grade ahead. I started walking faster, and before I knew it, I was jogging, then in a full-out run. Yes, the blister HURT like a biotch, but I pushed through it.

...And I kept going.



I finished up my run for a total of 57 running minutes and 35 walking. A super workout!!! Of course, my foot was SCREAMING in pain at the end, but I'd done it: I'd run more than 55 minutes!!

It was such an invigorating feeling that I just *had* to share!! :)

As an aside, I was planning this entry out as I walked/ran. When I first had to stop and walk, I was going to title this "Mb and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." However, when I was able to run again, I decided on the present title. So there!

Thanks, faithful readers, and I'll catch you later on.

P.S. Photo credits are here for the runner and here for the iPod Nano. :)

Days left to live...

So my mom & sis have tried this online calculator thingee... it's pretty cool! It tells you how many days old you are first off. Then, you can go to a life expectancy calculator and see how old you're expected to be. It tells you about how many days you have left to live, based on the info you entered.

Here are my stats:

I am 8966 days old.

Chronologically, I'm 24 (and a half!) years old, but my virtual age is 11.4. (Ha! Ain't that the truth??)

Apparently, the average life expectancy (for Americans??? They never seemed to specify...) is 74. Mine is 86.6 years. I was hoping for more, but that's not too bad, if I'm in reasonably good health.

I seem to have about 22800 days left to live. Crazy!

Ok, that's all for now. I hope you check it out! There's a lot of other interesting stuff on the site, too, so check it out. Here is the link to the age in days thingee, and here is the life expectancy calculator! Enjoy! :)

P.S. Carpe diem, yo!

Ego boost! :)

So, I guess I kind of (indirectly) asked for it, but it was cool anyway.

Quick back-story: I was tutoring yesterday (read: sitting around, chatting with another tutor), and the girl we were helping occasionally joined in our conversation. Toward the end, one of her (male) classmates was waiting around, and eventually he asked for her number. THEN the (male) tutor I was chatting with (a high school senior, no less) was totally macking on this other girl! He ended up getting her number, too! I went home a bit... well, not bummed, but interested that I saw two number-getting sessions in a half hour.

Anyway, today I was driving the County car to a school to drop off some paperwork. There was a good deal of construction there, so I had to wait for one side of traffic to go while our side waited. Since it was GORGEOUS out (about 72 and mostly sunny), I had the window rolled down and the radio blastin'. Well, a construction worker meandered his way over to an unsuspecting me.

"What's an attractive girl like you doing working for the County?" he asked.

I chuckled. "Um, I really like working for the County, actually. It's a pretty sweet job."

And we talked for a few minutes. Right before it was time for me to go, he said, "How would you feel about me getting your number and going with me to grab a beer sometime?"

Having already run this scenario through my head, I'd replied, "Well, I'm seeing someone. I'm sorry." Not true, but it did the trick in the nicest way possible.

We exchanged niceties, and I was on my way.

Then, later today, I was carrying some papers from the car to the office, and a man called after me. "Excuse me!" he'd yelled.

I turned around, startled.

"You are just gorgeous."

"Oh, stop," I'd said, brushing off the comment.

"No, really, you are! I'm sure you get that a lot."

"No, not really, but thank you!" I'd replied. "Have a great day!" And I was off.

Ha... So that was my double-dose of ego boosts for the day!! :) Nevermind that they both looked like (young) ex-cons...

Boring = bad??

So a certain friend/ex-boyfriend of mine informed me today that my blog is somewhat dry. ("Boring" was the exact term used.)

SO

In my defense, I say that this "boring"ness may result from a lack of drama, which I perceive as a good thing. However, for this entry, I shall be a bit more personal, if for no other reason than to change it up a bit.

Here are 10 personal things going on in my life (Mom, you may want to skip this posting)...

10.) I'm somewhat restless, even though I really like my job. I'd love to take a trip to Asia or Australia (thus hitting continent #5 at or before age 25), but I can't afford it at present.

9.) "The Bucket List" was awesome! I saw it yesterday with a fellow tutor, and it rocked. I will probably make a "bucket list" of my own soon, listing those things I'd like to see/do before I die.

8.) I haven't been in love in over a year, and I miss it (being in love). A lot. However, I'm kind of enjoying "kickin' it" with myself. It's also kinda nice to not have to share my bed! :)

7.) I have a standing offer for a menage trois with a lovely couple not far from me. We'll see how that plays out, though I can see myself getting cold feet.

6.) I'm suddenly more aware of my mortality and how fragile life can be. (This was before I saw "The Bucket List," by the way, so it was in no way influenced by that.)

5.) For once, I really, really like who I am. I think I am a pretty decent person, and I'm proud to be me. However, this recent discovery has made me extremely picky in the guy department. So much so that I'm afraid I've turned down several really great guys due to minimal annoyances. (Case in point: I ultimately broke up wiht one guy because he cleared his throat LITERALLY every two minutes.)

4.) Though I really don't like saying I have any regrets, I do. I wish I'd treated my boyfriends better a few years back. I wish I'd have picked one and stuck with him, no matter what outside distractions came my way. (I'm afraid I won't be able to commit long-term when it really comes down to it... However, I know I can work at it and make a good commitment happen if I really want to.)

3.) I'm really stoked about my new goal to run a half-marathon this year. I realized today, during a 42-minute run, that I may actually be able to do this thing. Right now, I've chosen Columbus, Ohio's event in October. I chose there because of the following reasons: my family is in Ohio and could come see me; it'd literally be running down memory lane, since I went to undergrad at OSU; there's one person in particular who lives there who I'd *really* want to come cheer me on.

2.) I really want kids someday. This has caused me to no longer date anyone who does not want children. (I'm also extremely hesitant to date someone who isn't sure about kids.) I think- honest to God/universe- that I'd make one hell of a parent.

1.) Recently, I've decided/realized that I'm addicted to love, or at least the pursuit of it. It drives me, it really does. And while I want success (as measured by a good salary that I'd help others with), I desire romantic love above all else right now. However, it doesn't seem it's in the cards, so I'm taking this time to chill out and enjoy my stint in my little town in Arizona. :) At least it's warmish and beautiful!

There. Personal enough for you? Have a good one, folks!

BEST site ever!!!

So check out http://mentalfloss.com ... It'll rock your world!!!

My favorite quiz is about lines in "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel... Awesome!! Anyway, try this site out, and props to my mom for sending the address to me!

Happy weekend! :)

Teenagers aren't so bad...

... I had a really good day that revolved around spending time with "them:" teenagers! Up until a few months ago, I thought I detested that age group, but I'm learning that they're really not that bad! :)

Our cessation class this morning was great! The teenagers were insightful, respectful, and very honest. I learned two things about them:

1.) NONE of them eat breakfast on a regular basis. (In fact, most agreed that if they ever *do* eat breakfast, it's on the weekends.)

2.) 8 of 10 have parents/guardians who smoke currently. Fascinating!

Anyway, it was a really nice morning, and I'm looking forward to my next 4 classes with them.

Next, we went to my roommate's drama class to judge their final tobacco skits. They were awesome!! It'll be hard picking a winner, so they might all win. (Winners will have their skits made into videos that will be shown to 4th/5th graders all over the area. We're even talking now about presenting the video at a regional conference this summer!) My coworkers, my roommate, the students, and I are all stoked about this collaboration! How awesome is *that*?? This could be huge! :)

Okee, that's all for now. I hope I've redeemed myself from the fiasco of Wednesday... (I also saved the County $400 on $1,000 worth of ordering, so that was good, too!) :D

Have a good weekend, all!

Did I do the right thing???

Frick, frick, frick... so I may have screwed up...

Today, I was visiting the school where I taught last year. It was on work time, as I had to both pick up and drop off paperwork for one of the programs we do with the school. My 6th grade teacher friend (whom I like a great deal) asked me if I would talk to her girls about puberty & "girl issues" and the like. I (foolishly???) agreed, and she took her boys off to the library so I could chat with the girls alone. (Fortunately, *this* at least is legal, as I am still certified K-8, and can thus be alone in a classroom of kids.)

Well, I talked to the girls for about 20 minutes about some uncomfortable topics... We discussed periods, tampons, STDs, and so on. I was shocked to discover that most of the girls had NO idea that a period means their body is ready to conceive a child. No clue!! A few girls asked me (independent of one another) if two women who are intimate together could get pregnant. Oy!! I tried to be as honest and open (and patient) as I could through the whole thing, and I think I did a good job to that end.

HOWEVER, panic set in once the girls were off to lunch. I spoke with my teacher friend alone in her classroom, expressing my concerns that I might have overstepped some boundaries. (After all, we did briefly discuss condoms and birth control.) Eek!! I didn't talk at all about abstinence or abortion, so that might be helpful... but we talked about a lot of uncomfortable stuff about which the girls were curious. Anyway, the teacher friend she'd watch out for me however she could. I left feeling very nervous.

I spoke with a friend and with my mom, both of whom said I did the right thing. At the time, I didn't question that what I did was right. I figured I was giving the girls crucial information that they needed, and that they weren't getting elsewhere. (Currently, the school has NO form of sex ed, the nurse doesn't give talks, etc.) I just was upset that by doing what I felt to be right, I could get myself fired. Sucky.

Back at work, I told my 2 coworkers what had happened. I think they both thought I was pretty stupid for doing that, and proceeded to tell me why. I'm all FOR information, though, and it's the parent's job to help their children make informed decisions. Parents can ALWAYS counter what is taught in schools; teachers don't have the same luxury (of countering parents' ideas). In the public school arena, unfortunately, parents have the ultimate say. Who cares if teenage pregnancy is rampant in the area? Who cares if STD rates are skyrocketing? I do. And I did something about it. And now I might get in trouble for it. It just SUCKS.

Anyway, I eventually told the whole situation to my boss, who wasn't thrilled. She told me, "You need to learn to tell people 'no.'" Maybe, but I also believe that if you keep your mouth shut on important matters, that's dangerous and unjust, too! Sigh.

I guess I can just imagine the whole thing being blown out of proportion... I see angry parents calling the school tomorrow, demanding to know who the hell told their kids these things. I see my name getting mentioned, the health department looking bad, and me having to fight to keep my job. I see a nasty court case, where I tearily remark on the stand, "But I was doing what was right! How else can we enact change if we don't spread good information??" I see the judge and the jury shaking their heads in disapproval. I see me flipping burgers until I'm old and gray. I see my life turning into a Lifetime Original Movie that has a conclusion at the end: "Marybeth and her landmark case in fighting teenage pregnancy turned out for the worst. To date, she has appealed her case twice, and is $500,000 in debt from lawyers' fees."

Now I'm second-guessing my decision, but I still feel in my heart that I did the right thing. We'll see within the next week if the parents agree...

quick thoughts...

1.) is it better to have privatization of all industries, or should the government solely take care of certain realms (e.g., healthcare and education)?? i'll elaborate more on these later...

2.) super tuesday!!! i voted. :) i'm stoked to see how this will all turn out...

3.) lent starts tomorrow, ash wednesday... i am giving up alcohol this year. that's right, friends... for the next 40 days, i will abstain from ze drink. wish me luck!

4.) i had my dysplasia "frozen" off today, which was not too bad, but extremely painful afterwards!!!

i must elaborate more later, as i have time. my sincerest apologies. for now, i take my leave.

LOVIN' my job!!

So today was actually pretty sweet... This morning, I spent two hours preparing for two ELL (English-language-learner) classes that I was going to teach about tobacco today. I translated a TON of stuff, I practiced my facts, I read info in Spanish... I fully intended on presenting at least some of the info in Spanish to the class. (All of the kids spoke Spanish as a first language.)

I was stoked to do my first tobacco lessons en español! On the drive over to the high school, I only listened to music in Spanish. I practiced facts and pronounciation and I was feeling pretty confident.

When I arrived in the classroom, I was shaky and nervous, but very excited as well. I greeted the students with a hearty, "Buenos dias" (good morning), and I asked them (in Spanish) if they all spoke Spanish. They responded affirmatively. I then asked if they'd prefer to receive the information en ingles (English) o español. To my dismay, they chose English!! What are the odds???

Anyway, it also turned out that the second ELL class I was supposed to do today cancelled on me! They came to a lesson we did yesterday, so the teacher had other plans for today's class. Bummer! The kids in the class I *did* teach weren't bad. They thought it was funny whenever I got geeked out about something (as evidenced by my jumping up and down or shrieking out something). However, they talked during the ENTIRE video I showed, which was annoying to no end. Upon the conclusion of the video, I asked for comments and questions. They brought up a few for a couple minutes, then were silent! They sure had had enough to say during the movie!! Grr... Anyway, they were at least interested, and they were basically courteous to my face. I left a little annoyed, but it wasn't terrible.

Lunch for the high school is between the 3rd and 4th blocks of the day, so my roommate and I had pre-planned to do lunch together today in his room. We had a lovely meal that his office-mate cooked for us, and my rommate's friend joined us, too. The 4 of us had a good time, and we were all able to chill a bit.

After lunch, James (my roommate) asked if I needed to go to his drama class to present any information, since my other class had been cancelled. (You see, I'm recruiting the drama class to help make new anti-tobacco videos, so James & I are collaborating to make it happen. His kids are excited about it, too, so that definitely helps!) Anyway, I said that I'd go in for a few minutes and just give some basic info.

Wow!! "A few minutes" turned into over an hour!! The students were extremely interested in the information I presented. They had excellent questions, and we had an AWESOME discussion!! We talked about whether tobacco should be legal or not... A few students shared stories about loved ones who'd died from tobacco use. We had quite a few people shed tears. It shocked the crap out of me! The kids took notes, they participated actively... it was just wonderful. Those are the times when I'm *really* glad I'm still teaching in some capacity! Man... I'm just so in love with my job. It's so cool.

Sorry... it's hard to explain just how sweet today was. I'm finding (my to my surprise) that I *like* most teenagers. Up until recently, I'd decided I didn't. However, they're smart and they're interested in things and they're still fairly idealistic. Sigh. One of the students today even took the liberty of writing down everyone's questions that I couldn't answer, so that I can get back to them with the information. Awesomeness. Another student, after learning that there are traces of urine in manufactured tobacco, exclaimed, "Gross! That alone makes me really want to quit!" I couldn't help but beam.

Next week, we're starting an experimental cessation class for high schoolers in the area. Apparently, our office has never done one, and I (yours truly!) will be facilitating it!! I'm so stoked! My boss is going to help me for the first class or two (of six), then I'm on my own. So far, 12 kids are signed up for the class... my goal is to get them all at least thinking about quitting. I figure I'm doing something good here.

Also of note... statistics! The kids in James's class were oddly fascinated with numbers! A lot of the questions I couldn't answer centered around stats. (e.g., " What is the average age of death for people who die from tobacco use?", "What percent of children of smokers go on to become smokers themselves?", "How many infant deaths are caused because of tobacco use?") I mean, MAN, these kids had some good questions!!

We even delved into politics and public policy. I explained that my job is funded primarily by the tobacco tax, and that there's the new SCHIP initiative to have smokers essentially fund some child health care. I asked the students what they thought about taxing smokers to do this. One student replied, "Man, they should tax the industry, not the consumer!" Oh... it was just so cool!

Ok, I've gotta go look up a LOT of stats for these kids before I forget! Suffice it to say I'm very happy with my job! :)